Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Muslims Frustrated By Fort Dix Verdict? Who Cares...

It's always nice when I open my internet browser first thing in the morning to be greeted by retardation. It would seem that "many Muslims are frustrated by the Fort Dix verdict." Five Muslim Immigrants were convicted of scheming to kill soldiers at the New Jersey Military base. Yet again it it's nice to see how all the "good Muslims" are speaking up loud and proud to denounce these greasy fucking assholes. If it weren't for them I might not get any other information except from the idiots who stand up to whine that we're being too harsh and that the "case was flimsy." Oh, wait, pretty much the only info I get is from the whiny complaining Muslims who's brethren can do no wrong.

Let me see if I've got this just about correct. They bought several assault rifles from an FBI informant. Went all the way to the Pocono's to practice shooting their assault rifles. Apparently they possessed "dozens of jihadist speeches and videos." The FBI also had "hundreds of recorded conversations" with incriminating information on the suspects.

Well shit, that does sound pretty goddamn flimsy. Why did we even waste our time fucking with these fine, upstanding citizens... well, not citizens, but nice jihadi... I mean immigrants. Holy mother of christ how much more goddamn evidence does one need before these camel fucking wankers will denounce somebody. "We need to be seen as trusted partners, not potential suspects" says one brilliant American Muslim thinker. One of the complaints is entrapment, which I find amusing. Even if it were entrapment in this case I can honestly tell you that I don't even care the least bit if it was.

This is wonderful, it truly is. The shit that this "religion" is constantly pull is no different than if I stood face to face to somebody (who was watching me), punched him in the fucking eye, and then solemnly insisted that "it was that guy over there" and whined about why doesn't anybody trust me. Maybe if your "brothers" would stop fucking blowing shit up, shooting people, and then hiding in crowds pretending to be innocent it could help a little. Maybe if so called innocent Muslims would stand up and say, "it was this asshole I saw him, arrest him," these things might help. Until this starts happening on a regular basis, I see no reason why we should not apply pressure from every angle of their lives for every second of every day until they crack as a whole.

To try to tell me that anybody who's not completely full of shit can view this as "just acting stupid, like they thought the whole thing was a joke" has got to be the biggest joke of all. Let me tell you fuckers something. If you're so incredibly stupid that you think you can joke about this shit nowadays and get away with it, you don't deserve to live anyhow. I don't know which I hate more, the suspects or the fucking idiot that expects that we're stupid enough to actually buy his sob story that these fucks were just playing. Sadly the liberals probably do believe this shit, I know I know Mr. Liberal, the majority of Muslims are good people you've told me before. Prove it motherfucker! I'm quite Islamic schooling actually comes complete with a class on lying to the Infidel doesn't it? You know, like here we have spelling, there they have "There's No Such Thing as Truth: Lying Muhammad Style".

When they finally do get sentenced they could face life in prison. That's great, not only do they come here and try to kill people but we're going to put them in prison and support them there while they recruit new radicals from inside. We truly are a brilliant people us Americans. I have a better idea. I think we should deport them back to their own country. We tie them to a skateboard and deposit them back on their home soil by pushing them out of a C-130 from a couple thousand feet sans parachute. Or... this is even better actually. We feed them to hungry pigs. I like that one better.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Illegal Immigration. Not Only Fun For Americans

I would like to put this up for all of you who have opinions on illegal immigrants into our country. I'm sure you can all guess what my opinion is on this matter. In America liberals are willing to bleed us dry to support illegal immigration and I'm not sure if it makes me feel better or worse to know we're not the only ones. Click the link to head on over and take a read.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Friday, December 19, 2008

Vagina Is Not A Clown Car!

I really hate these people. The Duggar family from Arkansas (which explains a lot right there) has had their 18th child!

(Note: I don't think we need Arkansas... I would like to propose that we sell it off for national dept money)

Anyhow, why do I hate them you ask? Because they are members of a "quiverfull" movement! What is a quiverfull movement you might ask? Well, this is a group of nutters who think that children are a "blessing from god" instead of screaming, crying, shitting, puking, breaking-shit, expensive, irritating, pains in my arse!


That is not a blessing from god that is my worst fucking nightmare!

They do not believe in repressing the making of little mini christketeers in any way. So instead they just pop children out like a fucking demented pez dispenser. They're also evangelical type Baptists which makes them my arch enemies.

What I want to know is after so many kids, oh say twelve'ish, how does she keep them from just falling out too soon and rolling down the stairs? What? seriously, those little fuckers probably just walk out standing upright when they're ready.


How do they even have sex? Is there any fun there are all or does he just have a wank and aim it into the breeze like Kobe at the 3 point line? Nothing but net!! *crowd goes wild*


This is frightening shit, look up a family picture, they're always mugging the same fucking smile like a retard with corndog. They're doing that because at this rate they know it'll only take several families of these freaks of nature and they'll be running our country. I'm glad I'm going to drink my liver dead long before that happens.

What Would Archie Bunker Do? Volume #1

I have two stories that I simply could not pass up today.

The first one comes to us straight from Jolly Old. A Muslim waitress got sacked for being a cunt! Oh I'm sorry that came out a little harsh didn't it? I meant to be a lot harsh and to say that she got sacked for being a stupid fucking twat who's just lazy and looking for a free fucking ride! Long story short, her employer has a dress code. It's a cocktail bar/club basically which means anybody who's not fucking retarded knows that sex is going to be on the minds of the patrons. The owner wants her to wear a dress that she describes as overly sexual and revealing. I saw the dress and what it is, is hideous. What it is not is overly sexual or revealing.

The red dress is just an ugly fucking uniform really no more sexual on a woman than the UPS summer shorts are on the dudes. The other bitch of the bitch is that men treat her sexually and make suggestive comments to her while she's working. She even admits that they did it when she was wearing her own clothing and not the bar uniform. Would somebody please smack this woman in the face with a frozen herring for me? I hate to admit it but it's a pretty well known fact that what I will guess makes up the majority of the males are not usually fully in touch with what is an is not viewed as sexually appropriate in the eyes of a woman. The fact of the matter is that when you combine this with A FUCKING COCKTAIL BAR you should probably expect this kind of shit! She wants to blame it on the owner somehow implying that the female employees are whores.

Now I'm sorry that Miss My God Is Afraid of Titties had her religious sensitivities stepped upon (I'm not really, I just made that up) but if you agree with her let me tell you a secret. I have heard that male strippers can make a shit-load of money for really very little work. I have also heard that they have to not only get naked, but act suggestive toward old fat ladies and other dudes who like dick. Now I really like getting paid to do nothing, I like that a lot. What I do not like is fat chicks and other guys who want to touch my cash and prizes. This would be a problem with our friend here, but not with me. I have enough brain capacity to realize that because I don't want to wear the uniform or do the job as it's expected, that I cannot work at the male nudie bar. I know that it's not right my business to walk in and see what the uniform is, decide I don't want to wear it, apply under the pretense that I will, and then sue when they tell me I have strip.

Where the fuck does this stupid fuck get off? If it's not your restaurant it's not your fucking call what the employees wear whether you like that shit or not. If you don't want to wear a dress go stand in a fucking window with a headset and hand out sodas and fries you fucking wanker!


If I tried to get a job with a giant fucking dildo taped to my head because my religion is the church of the unicorn they wouldn't make special arrangements for me now would they? Who the fuck decides who's just a nutbag with a dumb idea and who's religious? It's a fucking book written a couple thousand years ago be a pedophile with a 6 year old wife, how does that make it any more credible than a blog written by a pissed off American with a bottle of vodka? It fucking doesn't, that's how! If you don't like the employment rules in our countries then go the fuck back to your own backward-ass country where your men punch you in the eye for having an opinion, fuck goats and shoot the fuck shit of each other over ancient piles of rubble because we don't need you, you fucking tart! I sincerely hope this woman falls onto the metro tracks and gets turned to a fine puree.


A blind man was denied access to a restaurant because his dog... GUESS... FUCKING GUESS!!!! That's right, his dog offended the muslims! Holy Jesus H. Christ on a motherfucking stick! The man was attempting to take part in a birthday celebration and was told that he could not enter with his guide dog. Nobody else in the entire goddamn world could get away with it except these fuckers. Not even a christian restaurant would try to deny two gay guys because it offends them but yet these fucks know no bounds.

Would some leader of some country stand up and change your fucking tampon and say that's just about enough. This is why I like Vladimir Putin! He may be a commy scumbag but at least he's got a set of balls! When are we going to step the fuck back and remove the cock of allah from our ass. They use our rules against us in war, they use our hospitality against us in peace, we give them a inch and they cry, bitch, moan, and wine for a mile. I'm sick of whiney groups of obnoxious minority zealots getting whatever the fuck they want because left wing ass-clowns can't get their finger out of their arse long enough pick their nose while they think of a solution.

If you want your own cultural diversity that's fucking fine. You can have that but you only should get two choices for it. Stay in your own fucking country where it's everybody's culture, or do it in your own home. Guess what you greasy fucks, I have a culture too and just as much right to mine as you have to yours and this is my country. If I'm proud of my heritage or religion then I'm a bigot but I'm supposed to bend over for everybody else. I somehow doubt that I would be afforded the same courtesy in their countries as they are in mine. I don't get to leave my desk five times a day and burn 2 hours of work to go have a wank because I call it a religion so why should you get to do it to present your ass to a fake deity. They aren't going to put in a special vodka fountain at work because I worship that so why should they put in a special foot washing place for you so you don't pass athletes foot to allah?


All I have to say is that I hope every last one of you instigators gets hit by a speeding car. I hope this car then careens in front of a bus head on with you still on the wind shield. I hope the bus hits a stray dog and a pig splattering you with their blood. I hope the bus then hits a mosque, causing that to fall on top of you and I hope the collapse causes a cell phone tower to fall on a plane which falls on top of your mosque and your bus. I hope all this causes your heap to collapse into the metro tunnels and explode which causes it to flood with sewer water and I hope you die from drowning in that!


What do you think Archie Bunker would do?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Why I Hate The ACLU


Why do we have so many organizations in this country that are so fuckass backwards that at times they actually do see straight. The ACLU is a perfect example. This group of moronic do-gooders has an excellent premise. The problem is they constantly get "the right thing" mangled up in "a really dumbass idea." They supposedly fight for our rights as citizens under the United States Constitution but they do so with their noses so far up their own asses that what smells rosey to them smells like shit to anybody with a brain. I agree with the general idea but I strongly disagree with their all-encompassing views. Not all people deserve equal rights and some people manage to remove themselves from the classification of a worth-while individual and even classification as "human."

This is a perfect example of why every potential leader of this country can have one or two great ideas and yet have one or two more that are so socially destructive that we'll never have a useful society again. There is no cookie cutter method for choosing what is a good idea and what is bad and who deserves rights and who does not. The examples I'm going to show are times when groups like this are both incredibly right and excruciatingly wrong.

Constantly in the news is the issue of right or lack of right to conduct random searches by various officials. Whether it be school officials or government officials or law enforcement officials (I hate most law enforcement officials but at times they are useful). We cannot say it is or is not justified in any given situation solely based upon a previous and totally unrelated situation. My reasons are varied and based purely on my own subjective reasoning methods.

First I'll address school searches because I recently have come across arguments against this. I don't care who the student is and I don't care what school they go to they only deserve certain rights in school. This is not society, this is not the real world. Students in this country are in school for one reason and one reason only. They are there to learn to have the chance at education. I was young once and I'll admit I didn't like school. I also admit I didn't have the cognitive ability to make the decision what was or was not good for me. Students in high school and below are not there because they want to be they are there because if we are to survive as a nation they need to be there. These children (yes they're all children) do not deserve rights other than the basics. They deserve to have be fed at school (not to choose what they eat, i.e. junk food), they deserve to not be beaten to death at school, shot, stabbed, or violated in preventable ways, other than that they should be afforded nothing. The problem is we take all of these things too far. Society in our country has deteriorated to the point where rights take precedence over necessity and that cannot be allowed to happen. Students are given so many rights they don't have to learn, they can talk back to teachers, they can walk out of class, they can disrupt others, etc.

What rights do teachers have? I'll tell you, they have almost none. They're supposed to leave no child behind. They're supposed to attempt to appease and calm the disruptive useless little bastards (some of whom are as hardened criminals as you can find in prison) but are mummy and daddy's little angel and can do no wrong if they give a shit at all. As soon as little Jimmy gets reprimanded his parents are trying to get the teacher fired. Horseshit!! While the Teacher is trying to control one little asshole in a class, 30 others are losing their chance at an education. Children can't be searched in school for no reason in our society… WHY? When you walk through the doors of that school you lose your rights other than the basic things. High school or other lesser students do not deserve the right to privacy in school.

All it takes is one kid having his privacy and a gun is in the school and people die. All it takes is one kid to be dragged along against his ill-conceived will to leave a whole class behind. Students need to be monitored closely, they need to be encouraged sometimes embarrassingly and sometimes with moderate force to sit and learn. Nurturing and caring educational systems don't work. All these encourage is a free will that allows students to choose not to learn. This is why our country is sliding very fast toward the fat and uneducated side of the spectrum. School needs to be a lot less like a therapy session and a lot more like the Marine Corps.

Another thing that makes me insane lately is this whole goddamn "what can we take on a plane" rubbish. I'm sad that it actually comes down to the conclusion of check your asshole at the gate because something might be hidden in there. This is where this particular organization has my totally divided attention. They are all for separation of church and state and this is great. Jesus, Allah, or any other "divine" invisible friend has NO business with his cocksucking ass making laws to govern me. Keep your fucking delusional fairy-tales the hell out my business! I don't believe it, I won't believe it, I don't want to hear it, and I could not possibly care less whether you like me or think that what I do is immoral. If I don't physically harm you with my "immoral behavior" then your opinion is not warranted.

If you don't want to see it turn your head, if you don't want to hear it don't listen, if you still feel you must try to shove Jesus down my throat don't be surprised if I kick you in the eye! Now the reason this is relevant is that organized religion is evil. Christianity is no different from Islam. They are both retarded and both nieve and both a ridiculous waste of time and energy. They also have the amazing ability to create fundamentalists who follow them based on exact interpretation of writings rather than as general guidelines for morality. The combination of big and complex ideas and little and simple minds always end in disaster and we've seen it a billion times throughout history.

My point is that I cannot see how an organization can call for this separation of church and our laws and yet fail to realize that religion is the cause of some problems that warrant certain laws. I hate Christians, but they aren't the ones carrying bombs on planes to kill infidels… YET! They say nobody has the right to search bags of passengers going onto planes and especially not based on race and religion. This could not be farther from the truth. Same as in school when you walk into an airport you give up certain rights in order to obtain others. If you don't want your bags searched they drive where you're going or swim if it's overseas.

I don't really care, if a bag search takes away your ability veto the choice of my family member, friend, or myself has made to continue living, then it should be law. Stereotypes are made for a reason, I'm fully aware they are not always right but if they save a single life it's warranted. It's not Jamal, or Jebbediah, or Chad who's praising Allah as he slams a 747 into a skyscraper now is it?! It's not Jesus that seems to be constantly telling people to kill Infadels now is it?! If we have to stereotype Muhammad Al Akmed Al Good Guy because his name is derived from the same thing as Muhammad Al Akmed Al Blow Shit Up then that's fine with me. Who has a tendency for bomb fetishes here you retards?

You choose certain paths in life. If I choose to shoot somebody for disagreeing then I'm choosing to go to prison and if somebody chooses to agree with my ideas they are choosing to be associated with me and placed into that stereotype with me. Nobody is forcing you to carry a Koran and pray 5 times a day to a makebelieve friend. There should be no question to bag searches, or xray scanning or anything else to keep people from hiding shit. If your teenie weenie shows up on a scanner so that your knife or explosive chemicals will also show up well then sorry for your loss but the rest of us win and you should be shot on site. You don't have a right to privacy if it can kill the rest of us and if some 50 people have to have their privacy violated based on the Koran in their bag to catch one person who's Koran hides a bomb then fuck all of you, I say let Cletus the dimwitted security guard say"what the hell is in that bag?!"

As far as the government… maybe if we didn't waste billions on a useless, unjust, war that we cannot win, maybe we could come up with a relatively fast way to figure out if it's a bottle of hair gel or liquid fucking explosives!!!!

Finally Prisoners rights… Why the fuck do prisoners get cable television, workout facilities, educational materials, and so on and so forth? You fucking killed somebody and did it on purpose you gave up your rights. You DIE!!! End of fucking story. Why am I paying taxes to rehabilitate and educate and make these assholes stronger and smarter. You can't teach an old dog new tricks is a saying that has a base to it. Most criminals cannot be rehabilitated. Chances are they were fully aware what would happen if caught. They don't deserve a room at the Hyatt and a private tutor.

Death row inmates don't deserve housing and 15 years of appeals they deserve a right good swing from the gallows in the middle of main street. Why should you be allowed to take a life and then resume yours after 10 years. The person who died doesn't have that chance. The family of the person doesn't have that opportunity. You didn't have the right to take the life, or rape and ruin that life, you chose to do it anyway and that was the point where you chose to give up your life. Our justice system doesn't work. Our prisons don't punish they just make more efficient criminals who can be released and destroy more lives and we have tunnel vision crusaders fighting for those people to be afforded that right.

All I can say is I hope that "rehabilitated" murderer gets parole and kills your son or daughter or mother or father, I hope that you are the one that "rehabilitated" rapist finds when he gets released. It's a lot easier to give him rights when it hasn't effected you now isn't it you moronic hippy assholes! I hope all these Jihad loving prisoners who you try so hard to get realeased blow up the cafe while you're the only one in it. So I say to the ACLU, get an informed opinion and don't classify rights as something every stupid asshole deserves!


A Passage I Love To Pass The Time

I'm not sure if I'll get in a post today before something else comes up. I'm going to start one but I'm going to put this up instead for the time being. A passage from a book written by one of my favorite writers. Enjoy

"It was always at night, like a werewolf, that I would take the thing out for an honest run down the coast. I would start in Golden Gate Park, thinking only to run a few long curves to clear my head... but in a matter of minutes I'd be out at the beach with the sound of the engine in my ears, the surf booming up on the sea wall and a fine empty road stretching all the way down to Santa Cruz... not even a gas station in the whole seventy miles; the only public light along the way is an all-night diner down around Rockaway Beach.

There was no helmet on those nights, no speed limit, and no cooling it down on the curves. The momentary freedom of the park was like the one unlucky drink that shoves a wavering alcoholic off the wagon. I would come out of the park near the soccer field and pause for a moment at the stop sign, wondering if I knew anyone parked out there on the midnight humping strip.

Then into first gear, forgetting the cars and letting the beast wind out... thirty-five, forty-five... then into second and wailing through the light at Lincoln Way, not worried about green or red signals, but only some other werewolf loony who might be pulling out, too slowly, to start his own run. Not many of these... and with three lanes on a wide curve, a bike cominghard has plenty of room to get around almost anything... then into third, the boomer gear, pushing seventy-five and the beginning of the windscream in the ears, a pressure on the eyeballs like diving into water off a high board.

Bent forward, far back on the seat, and a rigid grip on the handlebars as the bike starts jumping and wavering in the wind. Taillights far up ahead coming closer, faster, and suddently -- zaaapppp -- going past and leaning down for a curve near the zoo, where the road swings out to sea.

The dunes are flatter here, and on windy days sand blows across the highway, piling up in thick drifts as deadly as any oil-slick... instant loss of control, a crashing, cartwheeling slide and maybe one of those two-inch notices in the paper the next day: "an unidentified motorcyclist was killed last night when he failed to negotiate a turn on Highway 1."

Indeed... but no sand this time, so the lever goes up into fourth, and now there's no sound except wind. Screw it all the way over, reach through the handlebars to raise the headlight beam, the needle leans down on a hundred, and wind-burned eye-balls strain to see down the centerline, trying to privide a margin for the reflexes.

But with the throttle screwed on there is only the barest margin, and no room at all for mistakes. It has to be done right... and that's when the strange music starts, when you stretch your luck so far that fear becomes exhilaration and vibrates along your arms. You can barely see at a hundred; the tears blow back so fast that they vaporize before they get to your ears. The only sounds are wind and a dull roar floating back from the mufflers. You watch the white line and try to lean with it... howling through a turn to the right, then to the left and down the long hill to Pacifica... letting off now, watching for cops, but only until the next dark stretch and another few seconds on the edge... The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others -- the living -- are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and later.

But the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In. The association of motorcycles with LSD is no accident of publicity. They are both a means to an end. To the place of definitions."


-- Hunter S. Thompson

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Passing Zones, Bad Drivers, Mad Max, and The Subway Anger Management Test

I was watching comedy central on the television and then I went to get a shower before writing about my trip home from work. I returned to find that Scrubs had ended and Legally Blonde was now beginning. There really should be some sort of punishment for willfully subjecting the public to such a moronic piece of shit film. I suggest a vigorous beating with one of those fat red wiffle ball bats for anywhere between 45 minutes and 1 hour. Now, with that said, I shall indulge in angry German language industrial metal while ramble about the end of my day.

The first thing I would like to know is the answer to a couple of questions. First of all why is it that I can travel for hundreds of miles without seeing a single oncoming car? Not a single sign of opposing traffic as long as I'm not stuck behind a 375 year old lady who has no place to be except back to the cemetary where she resides before they close the gates at dusk? As soon as I get behind this lady, or a farm truck with hay bails falling off as he drives, some slack-jawed hillbilly driving a fucking pentagon sized tractor on the road at 9 mph, or a 1982, 3-tone buick with 4 different rims and one non-functioning Walmart spinner hubcap, then cars start coming! The cars don't come the other direction as long as there's no passing zone. As soon as there's a passing zone there will be a string of 9,463 cars all following slowly behind the only other 375 year old lady on the goddamn road! This happens every passing zone without fail. Which fucking diety did I manage to piss off to have this curse placed upon me? Which fucking one!? If anybody has any suggestions as to what god I should deliver a swift and well timed kick to the genitals to get this resolved, I am your captive audience!

Next... Why is it that 3 cars will wait, passing zone after open passing zone, behind a school bus and not attempt to pass? These cars will stay just spaced apart enough that I can't pick them off one at a time in order to make my way by this fucking titanic traffic blockading atrocity? Nobody seems to have any interest at all to pass the bus. As soon as I get a big enough passing zone that I can actually see that it won't be a blind suicide mission and I go by, then everybody else feels the need to follow! Not only do these wankers now want to follow but once we're by then seem to want desperately to get past me. If every I do concede and let them pass then they now decide it's ok to slow down to 10 miles per hour slower than I was traveling when they were fucking tailgating me? What the fuck is fucking wrong with you fucking people? Seriously, are you retarded? Did somebody drop you on your goddamn cranium when you were a child... 8 or 10 separate times? What kind of soggy breakfast cereal must be filling the void inside your skull to cause such an idiotic undertaking?

Even if there is no bus, nobody wants to drive at a decent pace until I try to pass them and then all of the sudden they're in a hurry and speed up by 15 miles per hour? Is there some sort of contract out on me that everybody knows about except myself? Do people get a reward for pushing my fucking blood pressure to record levels? At least I know that at this point in time I can successfully attain a bp of somewhere around 250/190 without actually blowing an artery. I don't know if that's a useful trait but it's fucking nice to know. If you are one of these people let me tell you that this is completely unnecessary to the 1000th degree! The next time I shop for a vehicle I swear I'm going to buy this.


With it I am going to employ a nitrous injection system and when I hit a passing zone, if the car who was previously traveling 40 mph now decides to speed up to 65 I am going to promptly slam them right the fuck into a tree like we are in a lawless post-apocolyptic wasteland and desperately racing for a distant petrol source. I wish upon these idiots 12 types of evil that can only be called forth though direct relationship with ancient pagan earth gods!

Finally... I decide to save time I am going to go to Subway to get some food to take home with me so that I get get about my lifting routine and then not have to cook dinner afterwards. I fucking hate Subway. This place serves the most vile excuse for pseudo-fast-food subs that I have ever come across in all my days on earth. What the hell is wrong with their chicken? What the fuck is that gelatinous substance that oozes and squishes around these petroleum jelly-like chunks of fake poultry? God, how can anybody eat that crap without launching? I decided I would stick with the one thing it's hard to fuck up, an Italian.

As I stand in line there are three people in front of me. One is some grizzled middle aged man who also appears to be in a hurry. This guy knows what he wants and he places his order like he fucking means it. Good man, I like him! The next two appear to possibly be a brother and sister aging approximately 15 years old each. The brother is on crutches, my guess is because somebody thought he was as stupid as I came to believe and broke his fucking leg for him. The sister is the one who decides to place the order for both of them. Sister doesn't bother eying the huge fucking menu on the goddamn wall for one second. She knows what she wants. When it comes time for these two future congresspeople to order, sister steps up.

The only coherent thing that comes out of her mouth in the next 5 minutes is that they need three subs. She thrice informs the lady behind the counter of this fact in a manner that leads me to believe she might have the IQ of a small patch of half-dead woodland fungus (she will promptly enforce this theory several times over). The first thing she decides she would like to have is "one of those ones with all the meat." Oh, yeah, that one, makes PERFECT FUCKING SENSE! They all have all the fucking meat you goddamn dolt! She doesn't even try to follow up with any sort of explanation until the morbidly obese "sandwich artist" with unwashed and poorly bleached hair informs her in a much more polite manner than I would have, that she has no idea which one that might be. The girl still doesn't know so the lady decides that the cold cut fucking combo will probably do fine and the girl doesn't protest.

The next two sandwiches will also be cold cuts until they are made and then brother decides he would like to interject that somebody who is not present had requested an italian. At this point the visibly irritated fat lady disassembles sandwich number two and places the meat back in the tray before rebuilding brother's request. The whole time the brother is fucking swinging back and forth on his crutches like a 6 year old on his 43rd mountain dew who is playing on one of those 80's metal swing sets that was hastily erected and not cemented into the ground. As he rockets back and forth like he's having a fucking anxiety attack I'm trying to decide if he's first going to crash through the goddamn sneeze guard in front of him or bash his way through the wall to his rear like a wrecking ball being operated by a drunken inmate having a manic episode. I have the near overwhelming urge to kick the fucking left crutch out from under him so that I might hasten the impending disaster and get it over with so I can fucking concentrate on something else for a minute. I decide better of it and keep my feet to myself.

Two of the sandwiches are apparently supposed to be toasted but the third is not. The fat lady again is not informed of this minor detail until all three sandwiches are toasting. Holy mother of christ are you fucking kidding me. What the fuck is going through the minds of these two degenerates? How hard is it to concentrate for 60 seconds, just long enough to complete a fucking food order? My head is ready to explode when the real fun begins. Now for the toppings! It is apparent at this point that by choosing the exact combination of stale toppings to delicately separate into thirds along each sub this girl is going to be able to unlock all of the secrets of the universe and maybe even eternal youth. It's like fucking neurosurgery.

Between 972 uses of the statement "um," "wait," "er," "ah, "hmm," and "maybe" she manages to select a combination of elements that would throw a fucking NASA engineer into a confused and stuttering state which would render him the shell of the man he was 6 minutes ago. She wants everything but nothing on top of everything else. Tomatos on one third, olives on another third, pickles on the third third. Maybe we'll put onions on the tomato third and banana peppers on the pickle third then some fucking gold dust on the fourth third. Oh, wait, there is no fourth third, we'll put the gold dust on the first third of the next one, no wait, make that lettuce instead. Scrape it off and fucking start again. I'm quite confident that there should be a sub dermal implant invented that will make stupidity unbearably painful.

This takes just about enough time that I'm pretty sure it's now spring again outside and I now feel like I'm fucking Rip Van Winkle just awakening from a horrifying nightmare after 30 years and stepping right into another one. This is why people do drugs! You know what kid? NO SOUP FOR YOU!! Just have her give you fucking bag of all that goddamn shit and separate it when you get home because I'm praying some disgruntled vagabond will stroll in in the midst of a bad acid trip and fucking punch you in the throat until you turn purple and start to twitch! No such luck.

I can see past the blur of my thousand yard stare that the lady behind the counter sees my anger and sympathizes with me. I also sympathize with her because I would have long ago vaulted over the counter and given this child a flying body drop reminiscent of Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.


Finally after 2 eternities plus 12 years, dumb and dumber have their order complete and proceed to count out roughly 14 dollars in tattered and crumpled $1 bills (apparently mom is a stripper) and three fucking fist-fulls of random loose change which the obviously have not learned to count yet. They pour the change on the counter like they are afraid to part with it while the lady angrily counts it out.

When they're finally done they wander over to a booth and sit down while I pay for my food and then run out the fucking door like a fire drill has just been announced. God I cannot wait to get home! Fortunately for me there isn't really much traffic on the road now because everybody else has been home for 6 hours while I missed the new year. I must say that I had one hell of a fucking workout. No manner of weights can put of any sort of resistance against this much pent up rage. My arms still hurt 3 hours later as I sit here trying to type this past the tremors I have caused myself. I think maybe I need some sort of calm the fuck down medication but that would require seeing a shrink who would want to beat around the bush for 5 weeks before telling me a bunch of shit I already know and giving me something I already know I need. I do not have the patience for such an endeavor without throttling this individual to death after 12 minutes. I guess on the bright side I know some people would find me far less entertaining if I were a more calm individual. Christ do I need a drink. Vodka fixes everything. Goodnight everybody.

When Drains Victimize The Children

Our government is on top of shit again! Getting right down to the issues that fucking matter. We've got a war occurring overseas. We've got rampant job loss, unemployment, and failing business. We have starving and homeless in our streets. We have crime everywhere you look. We have so many problems in the country but I can always relax when I read articles that show me our legislators know exactly where to start when fixing these problems.


They have passed legislation to require anti-drowning drain covers on swimming pools and hot tubs. It's official, America is on the fast track to recovery. I had been pondering this problem for months. I just could not figure out where the root of the problem was. The article cited 33 deaths of children under 14 in a scant19 years. Think about the significance of this. The way I see it, we very likely lost 2 astrophysicists, 3 aerospace engineers, 1 botanist, 2 college professors, 4 nobel prize winners, 3 oncologists (1 of whom would have eventually cured cancer), 2 sports medicine specialists, 1 discoverer of the aids vaccine, 2 foreign diplomats, 1 pilot, 3 professional athletes, 2 pulitzer prize winning writers, 6 accident/injury lawyers (now that's a valuable recourse!), and 1 Jesus reincarnate.

A loss like this is simply crippling and must be prevented at all cost. It's not at all possible that any of these kids were going to grow up to collect welfare, beat a spouse, molest a child, serve fries at Mcdonald's or anything bad like that. I don't care if this were to cost a 100 billion dollars, it's absolutely worth it to save 33 of the children.

Did anybody ever stop to think for a minute... just one goddamn minute! Parents especially, maybe you shouldn't let little Suzy fucking porpoise her fat, gelatinous ass around in the hot tub while the motherfucker is draining? Has anybody ever heard the statement "keep the fuck track of your idiotic children you fucking assholes!" I propose instead targeting malicious drains that probably had an abusive family relationship growing up which causes them to want to harm under 14, borderline-retarded children, we supply each pool or hot tub with one of these.



Problem solved!

I also got a brilliant idea as a result of this. Did you ever have a water leak? The pipes under the sink, the water heater? Well, now you know how to fix it. Cheap and easy, just stuff little Johnny's ass up in there because he'll stop that shit up like fucking Spongebob until you can sober up enough to get to the hardware store. In the mean time have a few more Pabst's, you've got time.

What ever happened to the days so obviously gone by. When I was a small child I was scared shitless of drains. The drain never tried to kill me, it never even let on that it may have a vendetta against me. I'm not saying that I was a smart child or that my drain just didn't have the evil homicidal gene. I'm not even saying that my parents had the perfect approach. All I'm saying is that when my parents told me that if I didn't keep my toes the hell away from that drain the monster with razor sharp teeth who lived inside would instantly chew them to gnarled, bloody stumps. My parents didn't want me to drown, I wouldn't have likely understood drown, but I did understand "gnarled, bloody stumps" and being horribly disfigured by an evil underwater hell-beast. I still have all my toes and I did not drown.

The other thing was that when I was in a public pool or hot tub, which we did sometimes go to, my parents knew what I was doing. They didn't know part of the time, they didn't know most of the time, my parents knew what I was doing every single second we spent in that place. This was obviously for my own good as well as that of the public. If I decided that I was going to play somewhere I shouldn't (they knew where I shouldn't play) they would politely tell me. Then when I didn't listen they would impolitely tell me. When I still failed to listen they would turn my ass fire engine red and then guess what? I listened, and I learned a valuable lesson. It does not matter how much I would like to do the opposite of what my parents say, it is going to be far less painful to stop what I'm doing and listen than the alternative.

I guess what I'm saying is that kids are usually idiotic. Parents are also usually idiotic nowadays. This is where the problem lies. We as a society have effectively nullified natural selection and evolution to a point where we are reversing it. Soon all of these children who in all likelihood should be dead, will grow up and have children, who in all likelihood should not live to adulthood. This will continue in a viscous circle like the replication of cancer cells. You cannot child proof everything to protect the little bastards, that's just ridiculous and expensive. Some people have to lose an arm to learn a lesson so stop making stupid fucking rules! Besides, I don't see anybody outlawing these.


Monday, December 15, 2008

When Your Day Sucks Before It Begins

Did you ever have one of those days where your very first thought in the morning was something along the lines of "I'm going to hate every last millisecond of this day!" Some of you are thinking you have but I mean my very first thought, was not "I'm still tired" or "I hate the sound of my alarm," there was no other thought in front of my hating the day. It's actually as though I woke up part way through a more complete thought which caused me to only catch that final part in my waking moment. The shitty part about this is that my waking thought has held 100% true thus far and I see no letting up any time soon. Was this just the way my day was fated to be or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy that I'm too pessimistic to break out of? I'm pretty sure it's actually the latter but I don't give a shit. I semi-consciously want to be miserable today, it seems necessary.

Why the hell would anybody want to be miserable some of you may being thinking. It's my personality, it's my comfort zone, it's my fucking security blanket. I can't explain it but in a way I take comfort in discomfort. My discomfort this particular Monday can easily be attributed to my weekend. Most of the time my life is really not that exciting and is really just more like purgatory of sorts where I'm here and I'm waiting for something but I haven't a clue what that might be. This particular weekend I took a sort of mini vacation to see somebody. I say somebody because I don't have a title for this individual.

But that doesn't make any sense? Surely there's some way to define this person you're probably thinking. I'm sure there is but I can't do it. This person has a name but I won't put that name here because this is about me, not her, and I don't want to drag her into it so you'll have to deal with that. Now, like I was sort of saying, I could define this person one of several ways but I'm not sure which is appropriate at this point in time. The only way I can describe any of it is the most promising mess I've ever gotten myself into. Anyhow, that's enough of that, draw your own conclusions.

The point I was getting at is that I spent the weekend away, rather far away, in another state with a person of undefined relationship. I took the day off on Friday to drive down and stayed until Sunday. I've probably had good weekends before but I don't seem to be able to recall any of significance up until this particular one. I'm not going to describe the details or the events of the weekend as they were, that's not really the point of this either. The weekend is the reason for the way I feel today and that's why I brought it up. From about 3:00 Friday evening until approximately 4:00 Sunday afternoon I was completely 100% content. I'm never completely content, I don't know if I have ever been 100% satisfied with anything in life up until this weekend. During that time frame there was nothing else of significance happening in the world, no worries, no problems, nothing wrong at all in the past, present, or future. Unsettling, it really is... a very good kind of unsettling but all of this has shot some very significant holes in my shoddily constructed reality which it would seem is now sinking under me at an alarming rate of speed with all hands on board.

At the end of my weekend which I'll call 5:00 on Sunday I began my drive home and at first, maybe 10 to 15 minutes, I left the radio off so that I could hear my gps. It wasn't until somewhere between 1.5 and 2 hours into the drive that I realized my radio still wasn't on. There was no sound in my car at all except the road and I hadn't noticed. That requires a lot of distraction for me to not realize and therefore I felt it noteworthy.

I'm going to skip ahead now to the point that I intended to make to begin with and I have no idea what the hell that was so I'm just going to type some shit and see how it works out.

I woke up this morning and my first thought was "I am going to hate this fucking day more than any other day ever!" A bit dramatic though it may have been at the time it is proving to be true. It was unseasonably warm this morning and when I went outside with my heavy winter coat on expecting to freeze I was instead too warm and this angers me for reasons I cannot grasp. I had to take my gloves off because it was too warm for them and my hands wanted gloves this morning so this angered me as well. I couldn't turn on the defrosters in my car to reasonable levels because then it was too hot but if I left them off it was just cool enough to fog my windows. That pisses me off beyond belief.

I had to follow a fucking Golden atrocity of a Ford Taurus and a shitty 3-tone pickup truck at 35 mph in a 45 zone for 5 miles and this makes me nearly homicidal. Finally the piece of shit truck turned off and went back to hell where he belongs I hope. That still left the shitty golden egg taurus who really wasn't in much more of a hurry. I had no reason to be in a hurry either because I wasn't running late. I'm just always in a hurry no matter where I'm going and the shitty driving of others grates on my nerves. This is yet another reason why the complete stopage of time or so it seemed for the majority of the weekend was totally, amazingly relaxing.

I listened to an audio version of "Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story" by Chuck Klosterman on my way to work since it's an hour drive. I listen to a lot of audio books. I tell people I read a lot of books when actually half of them are the audio version since I drive so much. I look at it like this: I still am getting the exact information in the book, it's just entering my ears instead of my eyes. If you don't think this counts as the same thing I don't care and I don't like you anyhow so fuck off.

I'm pretty sure that the listening to Klosterman and all his highly detailed ramblings which tend to be assembled in an only slightly orderly manner had something to do with my keen awareness of every shitty detail this morning, some of which I've left out do to time constraints. I finally got to the town that I work in and that's when it really hit me. Holy fucking christ is this place depressing. I hate this town more than anything that I have ever hated before, I want it to blow up, and then be erased from all maps ever created and all history books ever written. It always snows here, there are 9 fucking foot high snow drifts and it's not even fucking cold. How the hell does his occur? This town is proof there is no god because if there were he would flood it or crack the earth and swallow it into the abyss of hell where it belongs. There's never any sun here either, I think that's proof to the contrary of my previous statement. There is a god and he fucking hates this place too and everybody in it and so he wants them to suffer for all of their soulless existence in mind numbing gloom.

This place reminds me of Silent Hill. I keep half expecting a fucking fire siren to go off and while all of the humans disappear I'll be surrounded by demonic mutations of what once were humans but are now simply the damned.




I'm telling you, one day this is going to happen to me and then you will all be sorry that you didn't listen. You're going to feel terrible when I am trapped in an alternate reality with these creatures so I want you to know I did not simply disappear, I am in Silent Hill. Is it too much to wish for Armageddon so I don't have to deal with this anymore?

The problem just gets worse when I go to Country Fair to get a breakfast sandwich. I hate country fair in general, it's a stupid convenience store and it irritates me. This particular one is even more stupid because everybody who works there is borderline retarded. They take forever to operate the cash register, they walk too goddamn slow, they think and talk even slower. All of this makes my brain run laps in anger inside my head while they fuck fuck fuck around and I just want to pay for my shit and go to work so I can get yet another day behind me in life. At the same time I enter so do three kids, I hate kids, but I hate these three kids more. I know why I hate kids in general but I don't know why I dislike these ones more. I think it's partially because they're always there when I am every morning and they're always in front of me in line taking up my valuable time. They also always buy coffee, the oldest one can't even be 15 years old. Kids don't need coffee! Kids shouldn't be allowed to have coffee! Not because I'm concerned for their health because I'm not, I don't care if it erodes their liver and they die from it. No, I just know kids are irritating enough without added caffeine or sugar and therefore, I do not want them to have it.

There are also several slack jawed hillbillies hanging out outside the place as always. They just stand here and drink coffee, they have no other purpose in life aside from coffee and uselessness. I hate them, looking all jobless and several years unshaven. They babel in some incoherent, cave-people-talk that I can't understand as they stare at me like a catholic priest would look at a little boy's ass. Everybody in this town knows everybody else and I'm an outsider so I raise their suspicions. One of these days I'm going to learn to start fires with my mind and then these guys are fucked.

I didn't comb my hair this morning! Do you know what occurs when I don't comb my hair in the morning? Nothing happens, nothing at all and I hate that! I want something to happen, I want to brush my hair and have it change shape but I can't and I don't and it doesn't! My hair brush was still in my travel bag this morning because I didn't unpack anything last night and I was too apathetic to unzip that bag and remove it... fuck it. I grabbed a pair of blue safety glasses off my stand and after running my fingers through my hair once I placed the glasses in it to hold it back and out of my face.

When I got to the office this morning there was one guy here. That annoyed me as well. Not because he was here but because he's always here. No matter what time you show up, 24 hours a day, he will be here, sitting at this desk, sound asleep. How badly must one have to hate their home or their wife or whatever, to spend all of their time at work. No matter how unhappy I may be I can always look at this guy and be thankful that I am not him. I would drive my car off a cliff at what the investigating officer would be forced to classify as "an excessively high rate of speed."

I got here 10 minutes before the rest of the people who sit in my corner of the office. We're in a small room with just three of us. I never turn on the overhead lights because I fucking hate fluorescent lighting. I'm pretty sure these lights are the anti-christ. They make my eyes hurt and give me a headache but yet my boss will still come back and say "let me turn on some lights for you." He knows I hate the lights, I grumble and make snarky comments every single time he does that. What he should say is, I know you hate lights but I want you to suffer as much ass possible so let me turn on some lights because I would like you to be in misery for the remainder of the day.

Not 5 minutes after the lights come on my coworkers arrive and it takes all of 1/100 of a second for story time to begin spinning tales of grandeur and glory. Story time is my cube neighbor and I figure that most of you can guess why I nicknamed him as I did. This guy has more stories than any 9,000 annoying old men. Most of these stories have nothing to do with anything resembling entertaining and very few of them are likely even true. He will happily interrupt anything that is going on or that others are talking about to interject something that he feels the need to say, even if it's a totally different topic. His entire life revolves around frolicking in the forest with some sort of firearm and trying desperately to murder something, anything, and as many of it as possible. When story time is done slaughtering things he comes to work and spends all day talking about it to anybody who will listen... as well as those who show no interest at all. His stories are excruciatingly long and drawn-out and make me want to stab at my eardrums with a sawn off spork as I bash my head off the wall like a retard having a fit. He doesn't even go to the cube of the person to whom he's telling the story, he just shouts it off the fucking wall and lets it bounce to and fro, until it lands in the cube of the intended recipient. These stories are maddening, I hate hunting more and more every day, this could be my downfall. One day my brain will just burst out the top of my head and shatter into glitter as it rains down on my now lifeless corpse.

I got apple juice today thinking that might help somewhat. Apple juice made me feel better as a kid. This apple juice doesn't make me feel any better. It's still raining outside on the snow drifts. I'm in this snowy redneck hell, I'm at work, I'm unable to concentrate on the things I need to concentrate on, because there's someplace I would rather be. If you watch carefully... or read carefully, you can almost visualize my mind leaving, it is packing it's shit and going away, presumably without a forwarding address.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

In The News Today


It's official... again... Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher is as stupid as everybody thought. I really gave the guy very little of my thought process until I read this. Most of what I had heard was about Mr. "The Plumber" being a douche and not what he had actually said. Mr. Joe claims that he was angry about the answer McCain gave to the questions the plumber asked. Apparently McCain made him feel unclean and uncomfortable on the tour bus. So how would this be different from all the other Republicans who tap their foot predetermined numbers of times under restroom stalls in the park to receive their prize... or handcuffs? So McCain wanted to play with Joe's pipe wrench, is this what he's trying to say? Joe is just most likely trying to undouchify himself desperately and he's not doing a good job.

I sort of felt sorry for him until the final statement of this article. Not the Barack Obama part... because I'm pretty sure "no we can't." I'm not a student of the Marxist philosophy of "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm more of a believer of "from each according to his ability to each according to his contribution." We have too many useless fuckers in this country that would make better hamburgers to feed to starving Ethiopians and Obama seems to want to perpetuate that issue. Maybe I'm wrong... I hope I am, but we'll see. His swift and speedy pullout of Iraq makes me wonder. Anyhow Joe, if you're afraid of Obama, and don't like McCain, but yet you're willing to call Sarah Palin the "Real Deal" I'm surprised you're even smart enough to remember to breathe. Nobody who was present for the Palin debacle and has an ability to reason (beyond, if I stick too many french fries up my nose I can't breathe) would call her anything but idiot. Supporting that woman for any public office should be treated as treason and end the same way, or at very least deportation to France.



I love when I hear stuff like this one. This guy obviously has some balls. I like a guy who's willing to stand up for what he believes, even if it is self centered, retarded, and even slightly racist. A North Carolina Ford dealer is sponsoring radio adds bashing people who buy "rice ready, not road ready" foreign cars like Toyota. I am personally one of those people. I drive a Japanese car and I drive it because of two things that American companies can't seem to combine in a single vehicle. My car gets excellent gas mileage, and I do not have to worry about my bumper or wheel falling off for no reason, or my gas tank exploding just for funsies. A Toyota spokesman from an American plant shut him down with statistics on these foreign manufacturers doing the manufacturing here in the states but I'm sure that won't phase this guy.

The fact of the matter is that if American cars weren't shoddily made by grossly overpaid union employees who simply don't give a flying fuck then maybe people would buy them. If Ford and Chevy didn't pump out thousands of unwanted SUVs and fucking pickup trucks that get one mile to the gallon, then maybe they wouldn't be in this predicament. As for now, you aren't going to see my ass driving a Cavalier or a Ford Focus any time soon.

Finally, last but not least.

NYPD has been at it again. Those silly mugs and their constant antics. Always with the shootings and the beatings and what not. With NYPD around there's no need for Mafia Thugs anymore.


Three of New York's finest decided that buggery would be the best punishment for a professional body piercer who was caught smoking the wacky weed outside of a metro station. They chased him down in broad daylight and apprehended the vile perpetrator in the station. Next the fine officers decided to search him for drugs by pulling down his pants and shoving a police baton through his tighty whiteys and up his anus. Delightful! What's wrong with this? They were simply trying to figure out if there were any obstructions that might have later proved life threatening. It turns out his colon was clean and judging by the blood they drew, he needs to floss more often. Apparently we need to add something to the materials on their utility belts.


Always practice safe sodomy Mr. Officers. Be aware you evil potheads, if you smoke in public John Law might just rip you a new one. I assure you that I am all for police being able to do their job without fear of prosecution for dumb shit but in this country we are ass fucking backwards (no pun intended). We punish people more harshly for drugs that hurt nobody but themselves than these pieces of shit will likely get. I forsee the judge taking their side and they get nothing. I vote for tying these guys naked, in a cell ass, up for several months and allowing all the inmates who stay out of trouble to have a go at them as their prize... props included. I guarantee they would learn more from that than whatever their punishment will likely be.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Razors, Bleeding to Death and General Non-Emo Anger

I decided to shave tonight. Wow, that's great you're thinking... good job. Not so fast there with the praise my friends. This didn't go well. I usually don't shave, ever, technically. I just use a beard trimmer with no guard on it to keep that permanent 5:00 shadow because I'm edgy and hip like that or some shit. Anyhow, for some reason I decided to bust out the razor and get to the task at hand since I just got out of the shower and it's usually safest at that point. I was wrong! Let me tell you about the my Bic Comfort Advance razor.


Oh the pain and the horror of it all. Half way through the task I'm looking like I am not coming out triumphant in a far less homo erotic version of this.


Really not a pretty sight at all. I'm still bleeding out like I just finished quail hunting with Dick Cheney and my face feels like I fully removed my entire epidermis though in appearance it's only chunks. I would have probably come out in better shape having received a shave from this guy.


This is why I've determined that I either need to just never shave or do it every day. It turns out that I just don't have that 5 minutes each day that I'm willing to spend on such a trivial activity so I think I'll wait several more months before I try it again.

On another note. Anybody out there love guitar hero? I don't, I think it's fucking lame. If I'm going to fritter away my time with frivolous activities I'll stick with the old stand by and grab the nearest broom while I dance around like a jackass pretending to thrash to AC/DC tunes like an autistic kid having a fit. That's just me though. If you love guitar hero but Poison or Boston tunes are just too hardcore for you. I totally understand. Jesus just wouldn't approve of such wanton abuse of hairspray mixed with satanic 80's rock tunes and you're privy to that. Good man, stick to your principles. Finally there is a game for you.


Put down that bible, stop torturing yourself with impure thoughts about that underage boy next door, ohh yes son, salvation is nigh, it's Guitar Praise! Now all you Jesus junkies can rock out with your cock out to the most ragin' God tunes of our time. I don't have a fucking clue what those might be but I'm sure they talk about getting saved and leaving pamphlets on my fucking doorstep and all that awesome shit that Jesus likes to do. Just don't get too carried away and pull a Scott Stapp.

Random thought... I don't care what anybody says, Christina Ricci should be in more films. Yeah I know she did "Pumpkin" but I forgive her for that because we all make horrifying mistakes. She's got a bit of a bad girl thing going on and that's hot, plus I dig the tattoos.

Daddy Yankee has a new fragrance... ... ... Does anybody know who the fuck Daddy Yankee is? I do, I lived in Puerto Rico for a short while and the only thing on the fucking radio was goodamn 80's cock rock tunes and Raegetton. For those of you not familiar with this wonderful brand of music, it is like Puerto Rican rap except instead of stealing beats from pop stars these people write EVERY FUCKING SONG to the exact same beat. There may be thousands of songs that all sound exactly the same but with different words. This is the perfect musical atrocity in all it's glory. Daddy Yankee is one of the more famous "artists" to use the term as loosely as possible.


I mean shit, who the hell wouldn't wanna smell like a douchetastic Puerto Rican rapper with the fashion sense of a retarded rodeo clown with a Caesar bowl cut? I personally will be asking Santa for 26 bottles for Christmas. The ladies will swoon all over me when I walk down the street in a cloud of olfactory assault. What woman could resist the combination of old rum, sweat, and rotten fast food, with a hearty helping of genital warts, all heavily baked for a week in the tropical Puerto Rican sun? I will finally be able to pick up two or three skanks wearing the Britney Spears fragrance "Rotten Cheetos and Trailer Mold." She'll mouth off about the 12 kids that I don't support, I'll punch her in the jaw, Johnny Law will not be amused, and she'll scream take that sum bitch away while she waves a kitchen knife in the air. Come to think of it maybe I'll just get a can of axe body spray, the commercials make that fucking over the counter nerve gas look a lot safer.

I see Burger King has come out with a new sandwich. The Angry Whopper has pepper jack cheese, jalapeƱos and "angry onion rings" are added. This should be a delightful twist for all of the fast food junkies in America who just can't seem to grow a big enough ass.


When will the madness stop? How much fucking fatter as a country must we get before the whole of the United States just fucking sinks into the ocean?

What the hell will terrorists fly shit into when it's all under the Atlantic? Duct tape will not hold the plastic to your windows to help you if they do attack from under water! Has anybody ever heard of a fucking salad? How much more shit can we cram onto these big fucking calorie filled grease patties before we stop buying it? I guess we're not there yet. So if you're trying desperately to earn your own postal code and you love to sweat offensive food odors this is the burger for you. Not only can you gain 12 pounds in one sitting but you can give yourself such offensive flatulence that even your apathetic family members won't be able to stand being in the same county as your nasty ass. Bon Appetite lardass!

As if the burger wasn't enough. As if I don't already see enough of this shit at walmart.


Toyota has come out with and is testing the "Winglet"


It's official, the Japanese are actively attempting to turn us into fat lazy blobs who won't be able to stop eating long enough or walk far enough to oppose an invasion. I hope this thing is super heavy duty. I have been hoping for years that somebody would invent a way that I could both support my dream of never having to walk again, and becoming 95% less attractive to the opposite sex without having to eat obsessively 12 hours a day for 5 years. Thanks Toyota for making all my fucking dreams come true you bloody wankers!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Blackwater In Hot Water

First of all I would like to personally thank you Sarah for raising my blood pressure this time by sending me this article. This is a perfect example of some shit that pisses me off beyond belief. Here's the actual article listed below for your review.


Now I must note that I also take my opinions from following this company rather closely because I take great interest in the privatization of military roles. I'm sure there are plenty who say there's no room for this kind of thing in this particular war. I don't totally disagree with that assuming that our government did not have it's collective head lodged firmly up it's arse since the start of this war. It's the fact that we've been there as long as we have and yet accomplished so very little that proves that maybe we do have room for companies like Blackwater Worldwide, or Triple Canopy to be on the ground in Iraq. I wholeheartedly believe that a lot more action and a lot less bureaucracy might just get something done besides get people killed in the clusterfuck we're lodged in the middle of.

In addition to the news, whatever that happens to be worth, I also take some of my information from other sources which have helped me form my opinions. One good example is the book by Jeremy Scahill and titled "Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army." A very interesting book by all accounts even though I'm rather positive it was not meant to portray this company in a positive light either.

If you think this is just a right wing paramilitary group I won't say that I think you're wrong. If you say they were simply greedy mercenaries operating under little or no supervision I will not totally disagree either. Men who volunteer to do a job that our military does not have the numbers or manpower to do? Quite possibly. A large corporation out to reap profit at the expense of a country in turmoil and despite the best interests of their own country? It's possible, but then again they were as often as not, working under contract of our government. The job may have payed exponentially higher wages than our fine military personnel get to do the same dangerous job but it is a job that not all can do and did in fact need done.

The fact that Blackwater is now in hot water of the alleged "manslaughter" of 17 so called Iraqi civilians does not surprise me the least bit. Our government is just doing what it does best. When shit hits the fan they choose a scapegoat and fry somebody else who provides an easy target in an attempt to divert the blame from their own colossal failures. I have little doubt that the actual company itself is more than willing to hang their own men who were following orders given to them as best they could in a seemingly hostile situation. How many of those who are so willing to convict these men were there to see what really occurred? How many of those willing to convict these men have ever been in a situation even remotely similar?

This is not WWII, there are few rules in this place and to say that these were in fact unarmed civilians is something I find highly suspect. This is a place where anybody capable of firing a weapon must be suspect whether men, women, or children. To ask a soldier of any type, mercenary or not to dismiss this possibility is to say that their life is of no value it's that simple. This kind of ludicrous thought process is what has gotten so many killed already. Below is a perfect example.


Some of you may be familiar with this. Just one of the faces but this one angers me to no end. This young woman was killed by a suicide bomber. Part of the Marine Corps Lioness program that among other things was used to search Iraqi women so as to preserve their "religious rights" and she lost her life to these animals for her good deed. Tragic and unacceptable! Give me one good reason why we should so any more civility to these people than they show to us?
I constantly hear that it's not Islam, it's the radical element that has hijacked the religion from within. That's great, Wahhabi Islam... maybe it is and maybe it isn't. This is the sect that governs the Saudis who's dick is so firmly lodged in our ass without so much as a courtesy lubrication. There's more to it than that.

How often do we really hear people speaking about about these so called hijackers? How often do those who claim Islam is peaceful, stand up and try to take it back? Not very often and when they do it's barely a whisper rather than a fight to prove themselves. We're getting nowhere because nobody is afraid of us. We prove time and again that our bark is far worse than our nibble. These are people who drove the mighty Soviet machine out of their country in the eighties. Granted they had our help but it's quite obvious they have equal assistance from others who oppose us and it's happening again. This is nearly an exact recreation except the Soviets were not nearly the pussies we are... or at least our leaders and the armchair quarterbacks are who are running this circus.

How do you get somebody to stand up and speak out within their own country when they'll be killed over it? We don't have the manpower or the willpower to actually stand and protect and take control of the country and they know it. They also know that we are not the ones to fear. We can be held back by our own rules and laws and our own troops will be prosecuted for keeping order. For this reason they riot in the streets and have no respect for us just like what caused this incident. We need to cowboy up and show these people that they're going to cooperate or we're going to smash anybody who stands against us or we need to get the fuck out and let them implode upon themselves like they're so adept at doing. These are the only two options and there are no others. Time has shown that you cannot hold a uniformed army to one standard and allow rebels in street clothes to make up the rules as they go and still yield positive results.

These people who had their hands in the air one minute might have very likely been shooting at these men 20 seconds prior. On top of this the crybaby left wing wants to let them walk off to fight another battle and kill more Americans in another part of the city an hour later. This is an enemy that obviously blends in with the "civilian" population and wants it that way, it's why they're winning. When do we hear about these civilians turning these people in? If they were truly so concerned with being mistaken for insurgents it's guaranteed that 1/2 or 1/3 known somebody who's fighting against us. No so called civilian who is willing to hide insurgents can any longer be classified as a civilian any more than I could be innocent if I harbored and escaped murderer and lied to the cops. Giving candy and cookies to so called prisoners for information is going to get us shit. Telling a suspected insurgent who we know is lying that next time we'll ask him more sternly will not work. Still people cry that we're "abusing" prisoners. I ask you little girls then how the fuck do we get anything done? I think if pouring water on the face of one of these greasy camel fuckers manages to save one life then lets get the fucking fire hoses.

If I were in the middle of a war zone with an opposing army occupying I won't tell you I wouldn't fight them. I will tell you I wouldn't walk the fuck out into the street and rant and riot and provoke armed soldiers without the expectancy that I might just get a few bullets in my ass. Anybody who's that fucking stupid deserves to die and I don't give a fuck if they are kids. I have a pretty good idea how young they start these little fuckers on their cause and the kind of shit they put in their heads. They may be women and they may be children but that doesn't make them harmless or even less dangerous! I read about this particular incident in the book I mentioned above and there were significantly more details about the incident. I don't believe these operators were in the wrong at all. I think it was men in a war zone reacting the way they had been trained to react to an escalating hostile situation. Many of you and many of these lawdogs who want to hang somebody may have forgotten about this little incident but I'm sure it was fresh in the minds of the men at this location.


I'm utterly disgusted with the media and their constant bullshit. They constantly hold a loaded gun to the heads of our military men and women and twitch with glee at the opportunity to pull the trigger first chance they get. It is a deplorable day in America when soldiers are put in a damned if you do, damned if you don't type of situation and receive no support from the people who sent them there. I promise you that the Greatest Generation did not stand for this kind of despicable horseshit and we should be utterly ashamed of ourselves. This is not the kind of action that builds a superpower and this is not what my grandfather fought for. If there is a heaven and he's watching this I would be willing to bet tears are falling. I wish this country would get a fucking clue before the liberals so willingly sell us the fuck out to every fucked up pajama clad Islamist who's willing to shoot first then cry fowl. Right now we stand for nothing, we stand divided, and for it we are falling!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Children, Schoolbuses, and My Exponentially Elevating Blood Pressure

So I'm sitting here on a Saturday night with nothing to do because I'm a loser right. That's quite alright, I have activities in which I would prefer to be taking part but at the moment they are quite out of state. So I've decided that amongst watching "Snatch" for again (I've long ago forgotten how many times I've seen it), I would see how much Pravda I can down before I start to feel Russian (or Polish), and write something. I'm irritated about the fact that it's snowing and cold as fuckall outside, this is bullocks. I really need to move somewhere that has more reasonable weather before I snap. I've already fallen down the stairs once this evening as a result of a misplaced track jacket, that was a bitch. I well might have busted my fucking cranium on that one but as it was I simply ended up with some bitchin' rug burns and a right good laugh.

I was going to write about this yesterday but I failed to get around to it so I'll put this one down as a random thought/rant for the night. I absolutely fucking hate school buses. This is probably as a partial result of my dislike for children. Ninety percent of them are rude, ill-mannered, uneducated little cunts who need a good kicking. I think this is probably a direct result of having parents who either have those same qualities or parents who are whiney liberal hippies. Nobody wants to discipline their children because there must be a more progressive way about it. It's obvious that this is not the case because your screaming brats act like wild animals in public and you offer to buy them something to calm them down if you pay any attention at all. The rest of us must stand (ears bleeding and blood pressure rocketing upward toward a coronary) while the brats raise hell and fuck shit up in a restaurant or store and you do nothing. This not my primary issue so I'll leave it for now and move on. Every fucking day I happen to leave work just in time to get behind 3 buses. Fucking 3, it's some shit from my worst nightmares.

Every 9 seconds one of these bloody wankers have to stop to let some morbidly obese, 200 pound 9 year old off so he can waddle to his shack. It takes his fat ass 19 minutes just to round the vehicle and jiggle off the opposite side of the road. What in the name of Jesus H Christ on a stick has occurred here? Does nobody look at the state of this child. Half these kids should be walking home. Forty miles over the river and through the woods might just turn this walking ham into something useful instead of giant venereal disease on the couch in front of an xbox. Half the time he's got on basketball shorts in the middle of goddamn winter. I would ask what kind of half assed parent allows this but I honestly think they're the only thing he can cram his lumpy ass into. I can see this child pinning the things up, open, in a corner, then stepping off a ladder and falling into them. I'm quite sure it probably would require the jaws of life to remove them. This is nearly all the children that get off these particular buses. I suppose I should come to expect such things in a town where can be seen billboards advertising the necessity of Jesus in my fucking life.

I guess these overdressed pinnipeds need a bus to get home because mum and dad sit home and work on a bottle of Jack all day, collecting free public assistance as a reward for their lack of usefullness. The car is probably broken down and torn apart in the snow out front of the shack. The least they could do is have a common fucking drop spot. There is no need whatsoever to stop every 30 feet and no I am not exaggerating. When I was a child I fucking walked. Bus stops were community stops and you walked your ass to it in a right timely manner or you got left the fuck behind. Now the bus sits and waits in the goddamn road because the child can't be subjected to the fucking cold in the winter. Bundle the little shit up and get their ass to the road BEFORE the bus gets there because the rest of us have to go to work!

So anyhow, what is the malfunction here? Does somebody think that they're going to get stolen? Are we afraid they'll get hit by a car? Who cares, it's survival of the fittest. I got sent packing as a child and off I walked, nose falling the fuck off from frostbite, can't feel my fingers or feet. Take a roll in the mud puddle on the way to school, splashed by passing motorists, and I lived through it. These kids will not die and if they do it's probably a good example of natural selection. If little Jimmy has no more sense than a deer to fuck about in the street then that's too bad, somebody else will someday have to serve fries at McDonald's, there are plenty of candidates. Probably it'll just be one less person who will at the age of 18 begin to leach off taxpayer assistance funds.

There should be a rule that if we just can't swing this let the lazy shits walk, the buses must let cars pass. I don't mean after every 10 stops or 10 miles. I mean every single time that the bus stops and cars are behind them they must let the child off then wave the cars by before they can continue on the route. There is absolutely no excuse for 756 fucking cars piled up behind this big yellow atrocity for 7 and a half goddamn hours. Some bus drivers are fairly good about this but they're a vast minority. Usually the individual probably has an IQ that tops out around 77 on a good day is half cocked on prescription meds nicked from their grandma with whom he/she still lives at 45 years old, and looks like Mrs. Crabtree from Southpark or a male version of said example.

I realize the children should get to school. In reality, with the state of our school system as it is, they're too ignorant or hyperactive to sit and learn anything anyhow. Teachers and administrators can't make them learn because parents will complain. Why is my child being singled out? Why aren't you helping my child? My child would never act like that. Parents need to wake the fuck up because all this horseshit starts at home to begin with. Put the power back in the hands of the school and make it more like a military academy than a social event. Until that happens, make the buses let those of us pass who are attempting to arrive to work on time or get home the same day we left it. At least let those of us who try to be productive to do our thing without impedance. I just hope I'm dead before these kids are the ones running the place because at this rate it's not going to turn out well. Pansy little bastards who grow up to run shit are the reason why we're a country of miserable soppy far left wing winers who get nothing done. It all starts with walking.

I realize I'm all over the place when I rant but I think you get the point. I also don't feel this is a less than reasonable request. I think we should send all the children to school in Russia where maybe they'd develop a drinking problem but at least they would learn to cowboy up and deal.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

A Few Random Thoughts

Today is one of those days where my mind is on a run through many random issues. I would like to enlighten you. Allow you into my world for a moment should you have not been so fortunate to previously visit. Some things are bothering me, others just requiring and answer that eludes me. The elusiveness may be just a result of copious amounts of cold meds recreating "The Fog" in my brain as I type. I am actually in a fairly good mood, (not as a result of the haze) which is surprising since it's Thursday, and I'm still sick, have been since Tuesday. Life is not so bad though, I'm easier to please than many would suspect.

I read in the news some stuff about those quirky car manufacturers who need a bailout. Trying very hard to get that bailout again. I ask you, if I gleefully withdrew all of my dollars from the bank and lit them on fire in the street because I could, and then asked the government to replace them, would they? I don't think that they would. Is this not very similar to what these car manufacturers did? Is a salary payment of tens or even hundreds of millions of dollars per year to a CEO not the same as burning ones money? Is giving this same CEO a clause that says he/she will receive $50 million on severance of the contract if done by the company really necessary? Isn't this comparable to this CEO taking the taxpayers pillow, on which we rest our heads, laughing and pointing at us while he is squatting and dropping deuce on it as we stand by helpless?

At these same companies they continue to pump out vehicles that get 12 miles to a gallon in a country where people constantly fear the rise and fall of fuel costs. Giant pickup trucks that nobody wants... well, aside from people who have a genuine need to haul shit, and men with small dicks and a genuine need to prove something. Then they sit and wonder why nobody will buy their shit and instead drive little foreign cars that practically run on progressive thoughts. I can't figure it out either guys, keep making pickup trucks and big honkin' SUVs and one day the answer will appear.

The final thing and my favorite, The Union. The union once had it's place in the United States at least. The union still has it's place in some businesses I'm sure (though I do not know where). I am now pegged as a "company man" by many I'm sure, well to you who can understand this I say bugger off you wanker! For the most part the union is far more corrupt than most of th evil corporations from which it claims to be protecting the employees. There is a point at which it must stop. I know this point.

When somebody has attended college and has a degree makes $20 an hour and another individual who literally cannot read makes $30 then something is wrong. If your job is to apply the lug nuts to the right front wheel of cars on an assembly line for 8 hours a day you are not worthy of what I am quite sure you are making at the GM or Ford plant. When your job is to clean up the shit off the floor because the lug nut guy from the right front wheel couldn't hit the toilet, you also do not deserve this kind of pay.

I know it's a shitty job (pun intended) but you have the shitty job not because of your talent or ability to do something others cannot, but because of your education which ended with your dropping out of school in 5th grade. I have worked with union bulldozer operators who made $32 an hour and averaged no more than 2 hours out of an 8 hour shift inside a bulldozer. The remainder of that time was spent eating, reading magazines, playing cards, and drinking coffee. The union has just as much fault in the death of these facilities as anything else. I would move my company to Indonesia too simply out of spite. I see no good reason to pay some slack-ass ridiculous wages to do a job a trained monkey can do.

I'm all about bailout, we need the jobs but it should never be done without significant changes in the rules of operation and that includes no fat cat deals for CEOs or ridiculous union bullshit! The CEOs who were in power when the company got into this trouble should also be banished and forced to join a mine detection and removal team in Cambodia.

On another note. Why was dueling made illegal? I see no reason why two consenting adults should not have the right to shoot one another assuming that they are willing to sign a disclaimer stating that no medical care shall be provided based on wounds received in such activities. This could even be turned into a Sunday morning thing for those of us who do not attend church. It would be delightful and wholesome fun for the family.

Why must we try to "rehabilitate" psychopathic murderers and child molesters? When did the first bleeding heart liberal appear and how did these people take over? Who was it? What would be so terribly wrong about taking two men who killed or raped an innocent person, and using them to test cosmetics, experimental drugs, and invisible parachutes. Why can't we give one of them a gladius and shield, the other a trident and net and sell tickets to see them at Yankee Stadium? Think of the revenue this could bring in for state governments. Think of the money this would save when compared to paying for education, cable television, weight rooms, meals, sanitation, and all the other shit that is provided to death row inmates while they live better than many people who have done nothing wrong on the outside.

There's an article on yahoo news about inmates in a Milwaukee jail who can volunteer to clean up blood, shit, and vomit when there is a need. For every hour spent cleaning such things the inmate gets one hour taken off their sentence. That's super fun. How about this. They're in jail, we just force them to do it and if they don't like it we beat them with a tube sock filled with wood screws until they do like it.

In California the news says that the ban on gay marriage is driven by religion. It's a good thing they told me this because otherwise I would have never guessed. Come to think of it, isn't the ban on nearly everything that is ever banned usually driven by religion? The only other thing would be as a result of some public official realizing that banning something would create a niche for people to break a law, get arrested, and have fines imposed on them that could then help fund useless government crap. I can't see how gay marriage would create very many matrimonial gay outlaws so it had to be religion.

I hate the song "Sheena Is a Punk Rocker." I like the Ramones and punk music. I think it is partly because of Sheena. Who the fuck named their child that? Has anybody ever met a person named Sheena?

I think Britney Spears would make a great a addition to the L.A. Zoo. She could reside in a habitat between the chimpanzees and the concession stand. There would be a small dispenser by her cage where you could insert a quarter and get a handful of amphetamines which she would sloppily lick from your hand. Watch your fingers children!

I don't think global warming is a bad thing. They blame the increasing frequency and destructiveness of hurricanes on global warming. That would mean that Katrina was caused by global warming. That would mean that global warming was responsible for cleaning up that crime ridden rats nest of a city. Yeah yeah I know they have Mardi Gras but that's what, 1 week a year, the rest of the time the place was not worth much. I'm not sad. In fact, I feel like burning a plastic cup.

Has anybody ever been in a company meeting that was productive? Was something accomplished in that meeting? If so what was it? All of the meetings I've ever been in were used to tell me things that either did not effect me, or that I was already aware of. Couldn't a memo easily save 2 or 3 hours of time? Complete removal of all meetings might save enough time to allow employees to work 7 instead of 8 hour days. This would result in significantly elevated employee morale. The higher moral would result in higher productivity. Higher productivity would result in higher profit and less to complain about, resulting in lower need for meetings. Eventually it's possible that the same amount of work could be done in 20 hours as is now done in 40. Society would be happier, marriages would last longer, suicides and depression rates would drop to a fraction of what they are. We would once again be a happy and productive superpower of a country and all because of lack of meetings. Then we would hold a meeting about how we might be able to manage to squeeze more work out employees and it would all vanish. Stupid greedy Americans.