Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Starting The Morning Off Wrong!

I fucking hate Dave Matthews. This fucking retard doesn't sing he makes sound effects that slightly resemble words. Tootle te lootle de toot. FUUUUUUUCK!!!!! You sound like somebody found a Canada Goose and is now standing on his dick while he honks and toots in pain. I cannot handle this shit this early in the morning. All I want to do is eat my Bob Evans breakfast in peace with my newspaper and without a migrain caused by his tootle de oot'ing.

Speaking of bad music... I would like to propose a law. My law would make it a 1st Degree Felony to play anything by Hootie and The Blowfish. That's right, playing any song by Hootie and the fucking Blowfish, EVER, would result in immediate incarceration for the perpetrator and the destruction of that copy of the song.

Dumbass name of the day! I shit you not... there is a person on facebook who's name name is Terrika JoQuisha and I won't put her last name here for no good reason. I propose that if you are willing to name your child something such as Terrika JoQuisha Jameriquanda Lafawnda Waaaatson you should be FIXED! FIXED by snipping, tying, removing, and burning your baby making parts and forbidding your ass to be within 3,000 meters of anything even resembling a baby, small child, or creature that is capable of making a baby or small child.

U.S Forces are pulling out of Baghdad in force now. Iraqis are celebrating like fiends. This is most likely the point that marks the beginning of the implosion. That's right, I said it, Iraqis are celebrating the beginning of their own destruction. Do I blame them for celebrating our troops leaving? No, I don't, they're only thinking about the infidel leaving and they're slightly hopeful that the militants who own the country won't kill the fuck out of them all as soon as we leave. Yeah I called the U.S. The Infidel Retard. I have little more faith in my own country than I do in Iraqis. Don't misunderstand me, I do not insult American troops, it is the American government, and a good number of the American people who think peace in the Middle East is ever possible.

The American fascination with Michael Jackson for the past couple days is proof that the priorities of this country are so far out of whack they aren't even slightly relevant. I would be hopeful too if I were Iraqi but my hope would be unfounded. This is not going to go well but Mao Tse Obama wants to be sure to appease the retards who voted for him sooooo out we go. Personally I'm alright with that because I don't care even a little if they kill each other until there's a single Iraqi left alive. Then we should pit the Afghans against one another and the winner of that can take on the last Iraqi for an overall winner.

I honestly don't think we should spend a single cent, not one more penny on the well being of Iraq or any other Middle eastern country. I say isolate them completely and ignore them. If they sort themselves out great, if they destroy each other great. Saddam was the one stabilizing factor in that shithole and he may have been an asshole but he was not a gung ho Sharia Law asshole so he was a positive feature in that region, at least for our purposes, and removing him was a major mistake. This is not going to turn out well in the end but eh, who gives a shit. One stupid president further fucking up the mistakes begun by another stupid president, such is American politics.

From the local television news. They're putting up more cameras on the Canadian border to prevent illegals crossing the border. Well fuck me with a traffic cone! It's about damn time they start cracking down on those goddamn Canadians coming down here to escape socialized healthcare. We need to keep them oot! I'm all aboot fairness but this country is full of canucks already and they're raising our crime rates. They come here and live 43 families to an apartment and form gangs like The Latin Kings, The Surenos, Nortenos, Mexican Mafia, Mara Salvatrucha, Nuestra Familia, etc., etc. Fucking Canadians! You put in that shit to keep them out America, good job staying proactive!

"Style yourself after our fashion forward first lady" says the local news.

MMMMM MMMMM J. Crew Man Beast, gimme some of that! The bitch looks like she snacks on small children. "Fashionista"??? More like fashion disasterista. The only person she's inspiring toward appropriate fashion is librarians.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Recession Hits Immigrants Hard?

I just read an article on MSN news that started out like this.

"Without government benefits, many feel pressure to pull up stakes and look for opportunity elsewhere."

What the fuck kind of hippie-ass-horseshit is this? Without government benefits? WITHOUT GOVERNMENT FUCKING BENEFITS THE POOR IMMIGRANTS AREN'T FREE TO MOOCH OFF THE SYSTEM?! GOOD... FUCKING GOOD! When my grandparents parents came here from their respective countries they didn't get benefits, they earned their own way with their own sweat and blood. How the hell can a news outlet even begin to justify such a ridiculous statement trying to not only condone but draw sympathy for such blatant uselessness?

The point of the article is basically this.

An "undocumented immigrant" from Mexico city complaining that he lost his job and is having to sell his shit and live with others to continue to stay here illegally.

"Us illegals, we don’t have unemployment," said Rodriguez, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico City. "If I had unemployment, I wouldn’t have had to give up the trailer."

Hispanic immigrants, chiefly those here illegally, are particularly vulnerable as the recession lingers. Without proper documentation, those out of work can’t access unemployment and other government benefits, increasing the pressure to pull up stakes and look for opportunity elsewhere. Still, many who came to the United States looking to improve their life — make money, open up opportunities for their children, help support family still in Mexico — are hardly eager to return.

Mexico "is a Third World country," said Rodriguez, who knows several who have already gone back. It’s a last resort he’s not willing to consider.

Many immigrants, are fighting hard to stay. Some, however, have already trickled back. Whether to stay or leave seems to be a question on everybody's mind.

Why the fuck should they even have a choice. If I do something illegal I'll pay dearly for it but they get away with it?

One man, an out-of-work caller originally from Mexico, expresses skepticism about the American Dream — the idea that you can come to the United States, get a job and live happily ever after. Still, he and his wife are hanging on, helped by his brother. No way are they going to leave Elkhart County and return to Mexico.

What a steaming pile of shit. This is what's wrong with our country, we care more about everybody else that we do about our own. The "American Dream" was never about freebies, it was about working hard and making a way for yourself, not being given a way. Our constant need to appease is a slap in the face to those who built this country for us. This sort of thing is absolutely deplorable. I'm almost inclined to say that I'm partially happy there's a recession if that's what it takes to get rid of our excess baggage (illegals) and set this country back on track because of socialist wannabe government officials aren't going to do it. Wake the fuck up and smell the stupidity America!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Homoerotic Gym?

Why do bodybuilders not realize how gay they act? Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem with being homosexual, I don't get it but then I don't get a lot of things... whatever works for you. My thing is that these guys who are usually so quick to bash gays then act the part and don't even realize it in the gym and in "contests".

Lubing up in baby oil while wearing a bright red plum smuggler and posing like a fiend on stage? Tell me that doesn't sound like an event showing gay pride? Usually I lift in my own home gym in order to avoid the freaks that frequent the gym but now and then I treat myself to the people watching and the wide array of equipment at the gym for something different. Today was one of those days.

I won't draw the story out any more than I already have. I'm minding my own business and doing a set when something catches my peripheral vision. When I finish my set I turn to find an admittedly rather large guy with his shirt pulled up to his neck surrounded by three other guys who are ogling his abs. He doesn't end it there. When he's done showing the abs to his special friends in the middle of a gym full of people he decides it's time to show his legs... all of them.

Mr. Muscle Man next pulls up his left leg of his shorts as far as he can without freeing his balls to flap in the wind and begins flexing his leg and posing for his audience. Next he pulls up the right leg and begins flexing that one. He alternates back and forth a couple times then pulls up both legs and strikes a few poses. Meanwhile his buddies are standing there like they're front row and the nudie bar.

Seriously? Seriously dude? Is the middle of the gym the best place to put on your amateur chip n dale show? You're very special I'm quite sure, but it's a fact that I and most of the others in the gym are quite unimpressed with your physique. We don't care to see that, or the tent your friends are pitching while they drool over your muscles. Put your shit away and save it for sleepovers with your special friends you self absorbed douchebag.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Who Gets To Drive? Me? Or Me?

How do you know that you are tired when you're driving and that you should stop. I have a way. When you're driving and conscious but every now and then you go into a hallucination for lack of a better word (half awake half asleep frame of mind). I know where I am, I know I'm driving, I'm still seeing the road, but it is more of a dream than reality. In half of my mind I'm driving. In the other half of my mind (conscious? unconscious?) I'm arguing right to drive with myself.

Note: This Is Not Me

I'm standing in a dark room across a bank style counter from myself. I am dealing with myself about which one of us is going to take control of the driving task that is currently taking place. I am fully inside the thoughts of the real me and I don't at all want this deal to go down. I know the real me doesn't want to drive anymore, the unconscious me does want to drive. I cannot effect the real me and I know he's soon going to concede but I can't stop him. I know the other me is the sleeping version of me, and that he cannot drive AT ALL and this is why I don't want this deal to occur. I'm waiting and watching myselves as they deal which only takes a second or two even though in that second or two several minutes have passed.

Finally, the real me gives in and hands the switches with the unconscious me. Reality kicks back in as I panic because unconscious me is inevitably going to kill both of us if this madness continues and I snap back to reality. This happens 3 times before I pull over and drink an energy drink and walk around then get back on the road. That was pretty damn freaky.


Who gives a shit that Michael Jackson is dead? Seriously, shut the fuck up about it. Why when somebody dies are they all of the sudden somebody wonderful to remember. So what if he was a great singer (debatable) at one time. That creature liked to play with little boys bums! A lot of parents can rest a little easier now that the freak is gone and less boys will wake up after a ferris wheel ride with a sore ass. Michael... you will not be missed!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Clandestine Ploys By Your Government To Boost Revenue

Here are two interesting little facts that you won't find in the local news. Residents of Pennsylvania should probably be aware of these. I'm going to admit that you should take this with a grain of salt and for the sake of source anonymity I cannot divulge my sources. I have been told by two reliable sources of these two brand spanking new money making schemes by our wonderful government.

The first one is this.

Many people go under the assumption that the Pennsylvania State Police will usually not pull you over and if they do, often will not fine a driver going less than 10 miles per hour above the posted speed limit and that they aren't even allowed to pull you over unless it's more than 5 to allow for margin of error.

Not the case anymore if it ever was. Set your cruise control and stick to the speed limit or Five-0 will be all up in your ass. The state is so broke that in a ploy to make money the old fashioned way... by fucking the citizenry... officers have been instructed to pull over and fine drivers exceeding the speed limit by 3 miles per hour or more. Also you'll want to remember that in construction zones it's double the ass raping.

Seems like a great plan since everybody is out of work, desperate, and poor already, why not push them right over the edge by fining them upwards of $125 to $300 for some half-ass reason. We all know there is absolutely no other crime in this state that could use solving.

Consider yourself having been warned, beware.


My next warning comes in the form of another government agency, the Federal Post Office.


If you decide to mail a package any time soon you're going to want to double check the rates they try to charge you for the service. My source specifically told the post employee to mail it the cheapest route possible "parcel post" and they completely ignored said source and began placing priority mail stickers on the packages until they were caught red handed. Everybody knows that priority mail is significantly more expensive and I can tell you for a fact that you don't receive much additional effort for your money.

When caught the post office employee was told that if they can get away with it they are supposed to place priority on all packages that are not clearly specified (apparently some that are clearly specified if they can sneak it in behind your back) in an attempt to make more money for their broke asses. It seems there is no form of deception our government will not stoop to in an effort to fund the Democratic penchant for ridiculously wasteful spending and you my friends are the unwitting target so watch yourselves.

Obama Hurt Ahmedinejad's Fragile Feelings! Shame!

Big Mahmoud is at it again with his silly antics. Mr. Ahmadinejad has accused Barack Obama of behaving like his predecessor toward Iran and said there was not much point in talking to Washington unless the U.S. president apologized.


Obama said on Tuesday he was "appalled and outraged" by a post-election crackdown and Washington withdrew invitations to Iranian diplomats to attend Independence Day celebrations on July 4 -- stalling efforts to improve ties with Tehran.

"Mr Obama made a mistake to say those things ... our question is why he fell into this trap and said things that previously (former president George W.) Bush used to say," the semi-official Fars News Agency quoted Ahmadinejad as saying.

This from a President (Mahmoud) who was arguably not even elected? (At Least Not Fairly!) Now that in itself sounds far more like Bush than the Socialist Mao Tse Obama. We've all heard of the protesters tearing apart the country and the flagrant human rights violations perpetrated by Ahmedinejad's government and he wants to talk about us being wrong?

I'm sorry Iran but if you can't get along with the biggest pussy America has ever elected to public office it looks like you're shit out of luck. I'm half surprised Obama hasn't flown over to give him a massage complete with a happy ending just to prove he'll toss a salad or two to appease radical countries who are willing to toss harsh rhetoric our way. All I know is Obama hasn't yet stood up for the American people... at least not the ones who are working to pay taxes that support his ass so what the fuck do you want hoss?

There's never going to be a consensus here. All we're doing is alienating an ally (Israel) in a pointless appeasement attempt. I'm all for arming some nukes.

Congratulations Moron, You're A Star!

I saw this a couple of days... or even a week or so ago and saved it. Since I hold the exposure of human retardation as a duty of the highest moral authority I simply had to comment.

A Belgian tattooist covered the face of 18 year old Kimberly Vlaminck with 56 stars. The "artist" claims she asked for all 56, she claims she only asked for 3.


Now she's crying that she "woke up to a nightmare" saying that she fell asleep while the artist was carving (I have enough tattoos to know that's basically what it is) 56 stars into her face that she did not ask for? Now, princess dumbass is suing the artist to pay £10,000 to have the stars removed from her face.

Now it is always possible that I could be wrong, it has happened before but I simply must add my piece. I've got some big tattoos and I know exactly how long it takes to do this sort of thing. I'm looking at the size of the stars on her face. First of all, there's no way in hell she fell asleep while he was doing this, it does not feel good, it's not a fucking shiatsu. Second of all, assuming it did feel good enough to fall asleep through, in the amount of time it would take to do 3 of these stars (maybe 15, 20 minutes max) she didn't even have time to fall asleep.

The artist says she agreed to the 56 stars and I believe him. A witness confirmed this same statement. She claims he "misunderstood her french and english" as well. I'm not sure of the difference between Belgian and English or French but I do know the difference between French and English and even a retard doesn't make that mistake, she's grasping at excuses.

Next... if you aren't paying full attention while this guy is working on your ass, you got what you had coming to you.


I think she should have to keep the stars and have "I'm A Retard" added on her forehead as a warning to society. I sincerely hope a judge fines her for a frivolous lawsuit but then again I know better.

Boycott Domino's Pizza

Domino's Pizza took pork off it's menu and now only serves halal food in one of it's stores in an attempt to appease Muslims in Blackburn England.

Customers in Blackburn are angry that the managers of the store - which is located in a heavily populated Asian area - made the move in a bid to attract more Muslim clients.

Toppings now include halal pepperoni, halal spicy beef sausage, and customers wanting a Hawaiian pizza traditionally topped with ham will be offered the new version which features halal cured turkey along with pineapple and mushrooms.

I don't think it's fair that those in England are the only ones dealing with this appease the Muslim bullshit so I figured I would bring up the subject here and if lucky enough people will boycott Domino's to make them change their minds, put them out of business, and set an example in the process.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Some More Random Things For Me To Bitch About


Paris Hilton has launched a Mideast edition of "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" television show in Dubai. She claims that she has "studied the culture of Dubai and will steer clear of the drinking and the swearing."

Really, Paris Hilton studying something... I'm supposed to believe that? Can she actually read? If Islamic radicals are listening... America LOVES Paris Hilton! If you want to destroy The Great Satan you should get Paris Hilton!

Did I say that? That's not nice of me... it doesn't matter, they'd likely spend a half hour with her and send her back (blinky eye and all) via the fastest manner of flight they could afford. They might even feel sorry for us and leave us alone.


Yeah that's right... you tell me that you have any idea what the wonkey eye is about to do next! I don't know, you don't know, The Eye has a mind of it's own and it's plotting our destruction.


Pollution in southeast Asia's Mekon River has pushed freshwater dolphins in Cambodia and Laos to the brink of extinction.

Government officials in said countries began to furiously deny this charge.

(Go Figure)

The WWF said only 64 to 76 Irrawaddy dolphins remain in the Mekong after toxic levels of pesticides, mercury and other pollutants were found in more than 50 calves who have died since 2003.

"These pollutants are widely distributed in the environment and so the source of this pollution may involve several countries through which the Mekong River flows," said WWF veterinary surgeon Verne Dove in a press statement.

The organization said it was investigating how environmental contaminants got into the Mekong, which flows through Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, Vietnam and the southern Chinese province of Yunnan.

However, the Cambodian government official tasked with caring for the country's Irrawaddy dolphins said there remained "about 150 to 160" of them in the Mekong, and alleged the WWF's report used flawed research methodology.

"It's big trouble -- they (the WWF) should resign. They should leave Cambodia," Touch Seang Tana, chairman of Cambodia's Commission to Conserve Mekong River Dolphins and Develop Eco-tourism, told AFP.

"They published this without consulting me, and I'm the authority here," he said, adding he did not believe the river contained the pollutants listed in the WWF's report.

Thousands of Irrawaddy dolphins once swam in the Mekong. Although regarded as sacred in Cambodia and Laos, their numbers were cut by the use of illegal fishing nets and Cambodia's drawn-out civil conflict, in which dolphin blubber was used to lubricate machine parts and fuel lamps.

Does anybody actually believe any Asian country when they say that they aren't trying to kill the fuck out of everything that is killable simply because of some outdated medicinal fallacy or some similar ridiculous shit? That's like Rosey O'Donnell saying she hates potato chips. Most of these countries don't give a shit what they kill in the process of trying to make money. Life in inconsequential to them. Hell, they'll grind up the last white bengal tiger just so they can shove it's penis up their ass if you tell them it'll make their little dick harder. If you tell them that Afghani ass fleas are good for eye sight there will be no Afghans left to insurge within 5 years. Don't believe me?


Dog Paws Anybody?








Basically, aside from Japan, most "Asian"/"Southeast Asian" countries have little regard for any damn thing especially animals and you can be positive that when they say they do they're lying through their teeth. I'm far from a your typical PETA animal rights nutter (in fact, I'm going to bitch about them later in this post) but fucked up is fucked up. I say we remove all the wildlife, and build a fucking wall around them then let them poison the fuck out of each other in seclusion.


I constantly read "Dear Abby" in the Entertainment Section of Yahoo News. I do this because it pisses me off. Why the hell would you want to be pissed off Dillinger? I'll tell you why! People in this country get dumber every day and I want to know exactly what the fuck I'm up against! Our country is full of such whiney-bitch-ass-crybaby turds that it makes me sick. Case in point

Some cunting bitch wrote in complaining that her employer didn't provide a special restroom so her fucking highness could pump breast milk. Well call the fucking press! As if that wasn't bad enough, more cunting bitches wrote in to explain about how there are or should be laws in various states that make employers provide said space!

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Privacy Please in Santa Clara, Calif." (March 16) that she does not have to pump her breast milk in the bathroom! Depending on the laws in her state, she may be entitled to request that her employer create a dedicated pumping location for new moms.

Pumping in the restroom could endanger her baby's health. That new mom needs a clean, private space to pump and should ask her boss for help in establishing a special room.

Kudos to "Privacy Please" for doing the very best thing for her baby. Hopefully her employer will realize what a valuable, dedicated individual she is and accommodate her needs so she can continue her high-quality work performance while also taking care of her little one. -- NURSING MOM IN TEXAS

Notice... California... and Texas! Both states that I've lived in... both states that should be given the fuck back to Mexico free of charge!

DEAR NURSING MOM: Thank you for raising the issue about the laws pertaining to new nursing moms. Several states have expanded their breast-feeding laws to include provisions that protect a mother's right to express milk in the workplace. California requires employers to provide break time for employees to do this and to make reasonable efforts to provide a location other than a toilet stall, with a penalty for non-compliance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was the first new mom in my office who faced the challenges of pumping in order to continue providing my baby with breast milk. It makes me cringe to think that "Privacy" has to resort to using an unsanitary bathroom stall for this task.

There is legislation in her state that requires her employer to supply her with a room other than a toilet stall for privacy. The La Leche League Web site at www.lalecheleague.org is an excellent resource for breast-feeding moms and provides links to this legislation as well as laws in other states. -- ALICIA IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) has put together a tool kit to help employers understand and take the necessary steps to support breast-feeding employees. Recent studies show that there are many advantages, including lower absenteeism rates and improved productivity. An information booklet titled, "Easy Steps to Supporting Breastfeeding Employees" can be accessed online at www.ask.hrsa.gov. -- HELEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: My employer suggested that I pump in the women's restroom. I replied that I would be happy to do that if the CEO would like to prepare his lunch there as well. It's ridiculous for a nursing mom to go through the process of sterilizing every part of the pumping apparatus and then have to finish the process in a public bathroom. I hope her company will change its policy because it has been proven that breast-fed babies are healthier -- and as a result, parents are less likely to miss work to stay home caring for sick children. -- CONTENT MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I am proud that I am still able to provide my baby with breast milk after nine months while working full-time. I posted a sign on my office door that reads: "Food prep! Door will be unlocked at (insert time)." It gives my co-workers a chuckle. -- STILL NURSING IN NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My wife hangs a sign in her office that reads: "I make milk. What's your superpower?" -- MARRIED TO A SUPERMOM

To the self-important twats who wrote the above lines... I fucking hate every one of you! Are you fucking serious! Are you totally fucking serious!?!? You honestly think you are entitled to this? There are hundreds of thousands of people in this country without jobs who would kill for what you have! A child is not a fucking right it is a responsibility. It IS NOT your employer's responsibility it is your responsibility, you spread your legs, you made the creature, you figure the fuck out how to care for it without inconveniencing everybody else!

If you want to have kids that's fine. My mother had 2 of them and she stayed home to care for them. If you don't have the means to stay home and take care of them that is your problem not ours. Where the hell do you get off turning your issues into public issues? The employer shouldn't have to provide you a single hour of "maternity leave" or anything of the sort. If you want the job you conform to the job, it does not conform to you, you aren't that special I assure you. You choose the path, you choose the consequences! I hate when people don't take responsibility for their own actions. This is why our country is on a slippery slope to self-destruction.


PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.

During an interview for CNBC at the White House on Tuesday, a fly intruded on Obama's conversation with correspondent John Harwood.

"Get out of here," the president told the pesky insect. When it didn't, he waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then smacked it dead.

"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

"Now, where were we?" Obama asked Harwood. Then he added: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."

Friedrich said that PETA was pleased with Obama's voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses.

Still, "swatting a fly on TV indicates he's not perfect," Friedrich said, "and we're happy to say that we wish he hadn't."

At least Obama has done something I agree with him on.

PETA... Can't you please find something useful to do? Anything useful... anything at all? This is simply absurd.


Tired of your dog taking a dump? Now you can make sure his shit stays attached to his ass.


This is surely proof that people are retarded.


Can't pry your fat ass away from the table? Addiction to fast food just can't be kicked? Are you too goddamn fat to wipe your own sorry ass? There's an invention for that too.



May you die of a heart attack while you're dropping a deuce you fat slob.


What the hell is this?


And this?


I lose more and more of the little hope I have left for the ultimate survival of mankind every minute of every day.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Geert Wilders' Speech

Anybody who isn't familiar with Geert Wilders can get some back story here and here. This is from a speech he gave yesterday in Copenhagen and I got this text here. I consider Wilders a hero, one of the few people with the power and the will to stand up for something that it's time we all stand up for. Read the speech, you'll be doing yourself and possibly the rest of us a favor.


Ladies and gentlemen,

Thank you, Danish Free Press Society, again for inviting me to speak to you here in Copenhagen. It is good to be back in Denmark. Thank you, my friend, Lars Hedegaard.

And last but not least, I thank the Danish border police for having allowed me into the country.

Ladies and gentlemen, last week was a tremendous week. My party, the Dutch Freedom Party, came second in the Dutch elections for the European Parliament!

In many cities, including Rotterdam and The Hague, we even managed to become the largest party!

Meanwhile here in Denmark, the Danish People’s Party again performed very well, which is excellent news for Denmark. I congratulate Pia Kjærsgaard and Morten Messerschmidt on their party’s victory. Marvellous news!

There is more good news these days. In Europe the socialists — or social democrats, as they prefer to call themselves — lost nearly everywhere: in the Netherlands, in Belgium, in Germany, in Austria, in France, in Spain, in Italy and, perhaps best of all, in the United Kingdom. The greatest coward in Europe, the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, suffered a tremendous blow at the hands of the British electorate. Serves him right!

I will not terribly miss Jacqui Smith, the British cabinet member that worked so hard to have me refused in the UK because of my film Fitna. It is rather ironic that her career-ending was somehow film-related, as it turned out the British taxpayer had to pay for the porn-movies her husband rented. At least, we cannot say she is a movie-hater as such. Just her taste is a little bit selective.

- - - - - - - - -

Why is it good news that the socialists lost by such a margin?

Let me answer this myself. It’s good news because socialists are the most inveterate cultural relativists in Europe. They regard the Islamic culture of backwardness and violence as equal to our Western culture of freedom, democracy and human rights. In fact, it is the socialists who are responsible for mass immigration, Islamization and general decay of our cities and societies. It are the socialists who are responsible for the fact that cities such as Rotterdam, Marseille and Malmö seem to be situated in Eurabia rather than in Europe. And they are even proud of it.

Our Western elite, whether it is politicians, journalists or judges, have lost their way completely. All sense of reality has vanished. All common sense has been thrown to the wind. They take all efforts to deny the things that take place in front of our eyes, and deny everything that is so obviously seen by everyone else.

They won’t stand firm on any issue. Their cultural relativism affects absolutely everything up to the point where they no longer see the difference between good and evil, or between nonsense and logical common sense. Everything is pushed into a grey area, a foggy marsh without beginning or end. The only moral standard they still seem to apply is the question whether or not it is approved by Muslims. Everything Muslims disapprove, they disapprove too.

And so, the voters have had enough. Because they of course realise that Europe is going in the wrong direction. They know that there are enormous problems with Islam in Europe. They are well aware of the identity of those who are taking them for a ride, namely, the Shariah socialists.

As for those present here today, I’m sure everyone knows how intractable the problems with Islam are in Europe, given that Muslims are over-represented in crime rate figures as well as in social benefit statistics. Of course, this is not to say that there aren’t many Muslims of good will who are decent, law-abiding citizens. But facts are facts.

According to the Dutch Bureau for Economic Policy Analysis, mass immigration has to date cost the Dutch taxpayer more than one hundred billion Euros. According to the Danish national bank, every Danish Muslim immigrant costs the Danish state more than 300,000 Euros. A Swedish economist has calculated that mass immigration costs the Swedish taxpayer twenty-seven billion dollars annually. In Norway a warning has been issued to the effect that the proceeds from North Sea oil will have to be spent entirely on mass immigration, while in France official figures have been published suggesting that mass immigration is reducing growth in the French economy by two-thirds. In other words, mass immigration, demographic developments and Islamization are certainly partly causes of Europe’s steadily increasing impoverishment and decay.

Ladies and gentlemen, you may know of the Danish psychologist Nicolai Sennels, who recently said that Muslim integration in the West is simply impossible. Now, that is not a novel idea. A certain Frenchman said pretty much the same thing in 1959. I quote, “Those who recommend integration must be considered pea-brained even if they are scholars and scientists. Just try mixing oil and vinegar. Then shake the bottle. After a moment the two substances will separate again. Do you really believe French society could absorb ten million Muslims, who would be twenty million tomorrow and forty million the day after? In fact, my own village would no longer be Colombey-les-deux-Églises but would rather come to be known as Colombey-les-deux-mosques.”

This quote, you guessed it, is from none other than the former French President Charles de Gaulle.

Now, I do not know whether Sennels and De Gaulle were right in their conclusion that Muslims are incapable of integrating into other cultures. I think in reality we do see Muslims on individual level assimilating into our societies. But what I do know is that very many Muslims do not want to integrate. Again, the facts don’t lie: four in ten British Muslim students want Sharia law to be implemented, while one-third of British Muslim students are in favour of a worldwide caliphate. Seven out of ten Spanish Muslims consider their self a Muslim first, instead of a Spanish citizen. One-third of French Muslims do not object to suicide attacks, half of Dutch Muslims admit to ‘understanding’ the 9/11 attacks. Seven out of ten youth prisoners here in Copenhagen are Muslim. In 2005, 82% of the crimes in Copenhagen were committed by immigrants, many of them Muslim. More than half of the Danish Muslims think that it should be forbidden to criticise Islam and two out of three Danish Muslims think that free speech should be curtailed.

Some time ago an interview was held in France with the French Muslim student Mohamed Sabaoui, who said the following, and I quote:

“Your laws do not coincide with the Koran, Muslims can only be ruled by Shariah law.

We will declare Roubaix an independent Muslim enclave and impose Shariah Law upon all its citizens.

We will be your Trojan Horse, we will rule, Allah akbar.”

End of quote.

Ladies and gentlemen, make no mistake: Islam has always attempted to conquer Europe. Spain fell in the 8th century, Constantinople fell in the 15th century, even Vienna and Poland were threatened, and now, in the 21st century, Islam is trying again. This time not with armies, but through the application of Al-Hijra, the Islamic doctrine of migration and demography.

Unfortunately, the Al-Hijra doctrine is very successful. For the first time in world history there are dozens of millions of Muslims living far outside the Dar al-Islam, the Islamic world. Al-Hijra may be the end of European civilization as we know it: The second Dutch city, Rotterdam, will have a non-Western majority within 3 years. Europe has now more than 50 million Muslims, it is expected that this will be doubled in just 20 years. By 2025, one third of all European children will be born to Muslim families.

As I said, many of those Muslims in Europe would like to implement Shariah Law in our judicial systems. As you know, Shariah law covers all areas of life, from religion, hygiene and dietary laws, to dress code, family and social life and from finance and politics to the unity of Islam with the state. For some crimes, horrific, barbaric punishments are prescribed, such as beheading and the chopping off of opposite limbs. In Shariah Courts no woman may become judge. Shariah Law does not recognize free speech and freedom of religion. Polygamy and killing an apostate are ‘virtues’, but the consumption of alcohol is a crime. This is the sick Shariah Law in a nutshell, and it is unbelievable and unacceptable that the cultural relativists allow Shariah banks, Shariah mortgages, Shariah schools and unofficial — and in Britain even official — Shariah tribunals in Europe.

Ladies and gentlemen, these are of course shocking facts, figures and statements. However, they are not particularly surprising to anybody who has some knowledge of the Koran and knows who Muhammad was.

In this connection, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to very briefly discuss the essence of Islam, and let me come straight to the point: Islam is not so much a religion as, first and foremost, an ideology; to be precise, like communism and fascism, a political, totalitarian ideology, with worldwide aspirations.

Of course, there are many moderate Muslims. However, there is no such a thing as a moderate Islam. Islam’s heart lies in the Koran. The Koran is an evil book that calls for violence, murder, terrorism, war and submission. The Koran describes Jews as monkeys and pigs. The Koran calls upon Muslims to kill the Kaffirs, the non-Muslims.

The problem is that the injunctions in the Koran are not restricted to time or place. Rather, they apply to all Muslims, in any period. Another problem is that Muslims also regard the Koran as the word of Allah. Which means that the Koran is immune from criticism.

Apart from the Koran, there is also the life of Muhammad, who fought in dozens of wars and was in the habit of decapitating Jews with his own sword. The problem here is that, to Muslims, Muhammad is ‘the perfect man’, whose life is the model to follow.

This is why Jihadists slaughtered innocent people in Washington, New York, Madrid, Amsterdam, London and Mumbai.

Now is clear why Winston Churchill, in his book ‘The second world war’, for which he received the Nobel Prize in Literature, compared the Koran to Adolf Hitler’s ‘Mein Kampf’. Now is clear why the famous Swiss theologian, Karl Barth, in 1936 said, and I quote, “It is impossible to understand national socialism unless we see it in fact as a new Islam, its myth as a new Allah, and Hitler as this new Allah’s prophet.” Now is clear why Heinrich Himmler was an admirer of Islam. And now is clear why President Obama, who last week, in Cairo, said that Islam has a tradition of tolerance, should be sent back to school.

Just like communism, fascism and nazism, Islam is a threat to everything we stand for. It is a threat to democracy, to the constitutional state, to equality for men and women, to freedom and civilization. Wherever you look in the world, the more Islam you see, the less freedom you see. Islam is a threat to the Europe of Bach and Michelangelo, Shakespeare and Socrates, Voltaire and Galileo.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is one Western country that has been forced to fight for its values since the very first day of its existence: Israel the canary in the coal mine. Let me say a few words about that wonderful country.

Like Bosnia, Kosovo, Nigeria, Sudan, the Caucasus, Kashmir, southern Thailand, western China and the south of the Philippines, Israel is situated exactly on the dividing line between Dar al-Islam, the Islamic world, and Dar al-Harb, the non-Islamic world. It is no coincidence that it is precisely this dividing line where blood is flowing. All those conflicts concern the Jihad, Jihad in the spirit of the barbarian Muhammad.

Islam forces Israel to fight. The so called ‘Middle East conflict’ is not at all a conflict about land. It is not about some inches of land in Gaza, Judea or Samaria. It is a conflict about ideologies, it is a battle between freedom and Islam, a battle between good and evil, to Islam the whole of Israel is occupied territory. To Islam Tel Aviv and Haifa are settlements too.

Israel is the only democracy in the entire Middle-East. Israel is an oasis of enlightment, whereas the rest of the Middle-East is covered by the black veil of the night. This is no coincidence, in 1939 Winston Churchill said about the Jews in what is now called Israel: “They have made the desert bloom”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am very much in favour of a two-state solution. One Jewish state called Israel including Judea and Samaria and one Palestinian state called Jordan.

Ladies and gentlemen, wherever Islam and cultural relativism, advocated by Shariah-socialists, come together, freedom of expression is threatened. In Europe in particular, freedom of expression is at risk. As you may know, I am being prosecuted in the Netherlands for expressing my opinion, while being banned from the United Kingdom for the same reason. But, of course, this whole matter is not only about me. There is an ongoing Jihad against free speech in the whole of Europe. In Austria, for example, a lady politician was prosecuted for having spoken the truth about Muhammad. The truth, mind you! We have also had the Danish cartoon crisis; not to mention the threats and/or killing of people as Salman Rushdie, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Pim Fortuyn, Theo van Gogh, Oriana Fallaci and my brave friend Wafa Sultan. In the Netherlands a cartoonist was arrested by no fewer than ten policemen for having made some drawings! I could go on, but I won’t because it would make you sick.

Ladies and gentlemen, I strongly suggest that we should defend freedom of speech, with all our strength. Free speech is the most important of all our many civil rights. Free speech is the cornerstone of our modern free societies. Without free speech there is no democracy, no freedom. It is our obligation to defend free speech. It is our obligation to preserve the heritage of the British Magna Charta and the French Declaration of the Rights of Man. It is our obligation to defend the American Bill of Rights and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Human rights protect the freedom of individuals but they do not protect ideologies. I propose two things:

I propose a boycott of the UN Human Rights Council. Annually this Council adopts resolutions that attempt to kill free speech and the concept of human rights. Let there be no mistake about it, the UN Human Rights Council is a threat to free speech in the West.

I propose to repeal all hate speech laws in Europe. These laws enable radical Muslims to silence those critical of Islam. Free speech should be extended instead of restricted in Europe. We should consider laws comparable to the American First Amendment.

Unfortunately, however, if we really wish to combat the Islamization of Europe effectively, we will have to do more than guard or extend freedom of speech. In this regard it is my firm conviction that we will have to take the following measures:

First, we will have to end all forms of cultural relativism. For this purpose we will need an amendment to our constitutions stating that our European cultural foundation is Judeo-Christian and Humanistic in nature. To the cultural relativists, the Shariah-socialists, I would proudly say, “Our Western culture is superior to Islamic culture.” Or to quote Wafa Sultan when she compared the Western culture with Islam: “It’s not a clash of civilizations, it’s a clash between barbarity and reason”. I fully agree with her.

Second, we will have to stop mass immigration from Muslim countries and promote voluntary repatriation.

Third, we will have to expel criminal foreigners and, following denationalization, criminals with dual nationality. I have a clear message to all Muslims in our societies: if you subscribe to our laws, values and constitution you are very welcome to stay and we will even help you to assimilate. But if you cross the red line and commit crimes, start thinking and acting like jihad or sharia we will expel you the same out of our countries.

Fourth, we will have to close down all Islamic schools for they are fascist institutions, to prevent any further indoctrination of young children with an ideology of violence and hatred.

Fifth, we will have to close down all radical and forbid the construction of any new mosques, there is enough Islam in Europe. Besides that, as long as Christians in Turkey, Egypt, Iraq, Iran, Pakistan and Indonesia are treated in the scandalous ways they currently are, and as long as no permission is given for churches to be built or bibles to be sold in, for example, Saudi Arabia, there should be a mosque building-stop in the West.

Sixth, last but not least, we will have to get rid of all those cowardly so-called leaders. We enjoy the privilege of living in a democracy. Let’s use that privilege by replacing cowards with heroes. Let’s have fewer Chamberlains and more Churchills. Lets elect real leaders.

In short, ladies and gentlemen, my main message of today is that we have to start fighting back. No defense, but offense. We have to fight back and demonstrate that millions of people are sick and tired of it all and refuse to take any more. We must make it clear that millions of freedom-loving people are saying ‘enough is enough’.

Ladies and gentlemen, Europe is at the crossroads once again. We either choose the road to darkness or the road to freedom.

My generation never had to fight for this freedom, it was offered to us on a silver platter, by people who fought for it with their lives. My generation does not own this freedom, we are merely its custodians. We cannot strike a deal with Mullahs and imams. We cannot surrender and give up our liberties, we simply do not have the right to do so.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the winning mood! Cultural relativists and Shariah-socialists are losing, freedom loving people are winning. Things are changing for the better.

Ladies and gentlemen, and I leave you with this: We will never give in, we will never give up, we will never surrender, we have to win, and we will win!

Thank you very much.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Catching Up With Books I Recently Read

In the past 2 weeks I believe it's been now, I've finished two more books. I found both of these books to be difficult to put down. I never got around to posting them for no good reason so I decided to do it now. I'm not going to go in great detail reviewing them but I'll give you the basic premise.

The first one is "The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family".


This book looks at the Army's 1st Cavalry Division in 2004 in Iraq and their families back home. I found this book very informative, very good, and very sad.

The second book that I just finished is "Children of Jihad: A Young American's Travels Among The Youth of The Middle East".


This book was really interesting. Basically the author described his travels through Lebanon, Syria, Iran, and Iraq (I may have missed one or two). He spoke with youth in said countries about their feeling on war, radical islam, democracy, and general outlook and feelings about life and the world in general. He centered mainly on their feelings about their situations, hopes, and lives. The conclusion that he portrayed is that in many cases they aren't so different from us. They don't in many cases, hate Americans and often they envy and wish for a way of life more like ours. He describes his ideas for dialogue and possibilities for working together toward change. Though my views are far less optimistic about the chances of this making much difference, I do not doubt the truth in his statements. The one thing I do disagree with is that it's the west that needs to bend more to them in order to achieve the end goal. I also think his travels and information obtained were slightly restrained in many ways and not portraying as large a picture as he wants us to believe. None the less, I still do recommend this book and I really did enjoy it a lot.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Go Israel

This is an old picture but I loved it anyhow.


What the fuck is unfair about that? Seriously, if this isn't just propaganda. If they caught this little cunt and his piers want to chuck rocks then that's fair.


I would personally just shoot the little fuckers and bury them in a shallow grave. If you're so goddamn stupid that you're going to throw rocks at people with guns, you deserve to get shot. Seriously, think about it! You poke a dog with a stick he's going to bite. How are you going to throw rocks at people with guns and not expect them to shoot your ass? Fucking retards.

Junk Mail Jesus Gay Bashing Bonanza!

I'm constantly getting email forwards from friends and co-workers who view me as a radical, somebody who may agree, or a lost soul in need of saving. For this reason I've decided to post some of these bad boys for my own, as well as the amusement of others. This particular one was sent to me by a co-worker. The context is important and that's why I'm throwing it out here. Many of my political views can be viewed as "Right" where very few are actually "Left" I am, however, not classifiable in either of these camps for various reasons. You're about to learn one of them. On to the email.

Jim Neugent A Coach In Childress , Texas... Writes To ABC Network

My name is Jim Neugent. I wrote to ABC (on-line) concerning a program called 'THE PRACTICE.' In last nights episode, one of the lawyer's mothers decided she is gay and wanted her son to go to court and help her get a marriage license so she could marry her 'partner.' I sent the following letter to ABC yesterday and really did not expect a reply, but I did get one.

Jim's original message was:

ABC is obsessed with the subject of homosexuality. I will no longer watch any of your attempts to convince the world that homosexuality is OK. ' THE PRACTICE' can be a fairly good show, but last night's program was so typical of your agenda. You picked the 'dufus' of the office to be the one who was against the idea of his mother being gay, and made him look like a whiner because he had convictions. This type of mentality calls people like me a 'gay basher.'

Read the first chapter of Romans (that's in the Bible); and see what the apostle Paul had to say about it..... He, God and Jesus were all 'gay bashers'. What if she'd fallen in love with her cocker spaniel? Is that an alternative life style? (By the way, the Bible speaks against that, too.)

--Jim Neugent


Here is ABC's reply from the ABC on-line webmaster:

How about getting your nose out of the Bible (which is ONLY a book of stories compiled by MANY different writers hundreds of years ago) and read the declaration of independence (what our nation is built on), where it says 'All Men are Created equal,' and try treating them that way for a change!

Or better yet, try thinking for yourself and stop using an archaic book of stories as your lame crutch for your existence. You are in the minority in this country, and your boycott will not affect us at ABC or our freedom of statement.

Jim Neugent's second response to ABC:

Thanks for your reply. From your harsh reply, evidently I hit a nerve. I will share it with all with whom I come in contact. Hopefully, the Arkansas Democrat Newspaper will include it in one of their columns and I will be praying for you.

- -Jim Neugent- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Note: Wouldn't Satan just love it if people stopped using the Bible for a crutch?
Please resend this to everyone in your mailbox.

Jim Neugent

I wonder if the person from ABC considered how many people would eventually read this e-mail!

Please, if you are a Christian, pass this on to others so they may be aware.


I love this email, and satan apparently loves me. I did not send this to everybody in my mailbox, I'm posting in on my blog instead so that I can make fun of Jim. Yes I know Jim probably really doesn't exist. The fact of the matter is that somebody does exist who thought of this, made up a name, and took the time to send this admittance of idiocracy. The saddest thing about it all is that people pass this dumbass shit on dutifully, over and over until it reaches me.

My cube neighbor passed it on to me because he knows I despise the Obama administration and their left wing antics which would obviously mean I'm Right, which would mean I'm all for religion, right? WRONG! I hate your religion. I don't even care what religion you are talking about, I hate all religion. Anybody who believes in a nearly pre-historic book of fairy tales in this day and age deserves no opinion on anything that falls into the category of "public" and that includes television.

Well golly, that sure don't sound right, let me see what the apostle Paul done had to say about it 2,000 years ago. I'm pretty sure Afghanistan is a pretty goddamn good example of what happens when we live by rules established 2,000 years ago. I absolutely love the supposed "ABC Online Web-master". That was simply great, in fact, that was pretty damn close to exactly what I would have said to idiot Jim the homophobe.

This violent homophobia always makes me laugh because what the fuck does it matter? Really, who cares who fucks who? Yeah I find it a little disturbing and hard to understand that a guy could possibly find the hairy ass of another dude to be hot, but I also find it disturbing and hard to understand how some guys can fuck fat chicks? I don't have to hate dudes who bang fatties, or dudes who fuck dudes, I'll just stick with what I like, they can stick with what they like, and we aren't killing each other over arguments about the interpretation of a book or about the supposed word of an imaginary sky daddy.

Anybody who watches the news usually quickly finds that those who are most outspoken against homosexuality are the ones who eventually get caught with a tranny prostitute or in the public restroom trying to solicit sex under the stall walls. I guess people think if they rail against it loudly enough it will convince us, and maybe themselves, that they don't have these thoughts. I'll never understand how people can be as stupid as they generally are and this whole anti-gay based on religion thing is one of the dumbest. How moronic and otherwise intelligent people alike can believe in these half-assed stories side by side simply perplexes me.

Since I'm Already Being A Dick Today


Beach baby, Beach Baby give me your hand, Give me somethin' that I can remember Just like before we can walk by the shore in the moonlight... Beach baby, Beach baby there on the sand From July 'till the end of September



Monday, June 8, 2009


Horror Photography Master

I'm not normally a photography oriented person but I recently came across an artist who's work like.














And my favorite one of all.


This was my first exposure to "Horror Photography" and it's not exactly your typical landscape or photograph of a child hugging a disabled old woman. This stuff is rather twisted. Being a bit warped myself, I am rather fond his work. Do check out Joshua Hoffine.


Or at his web site... blog site... whichever you classify it as.


Idiotic News

Here's some random news that was really too short to post alone so I put them together in one post.

Ms. Nour Hadad, 26, was arrested in Orland Park, Ill., in April and charged with (and, according to police, confessed to) beating her 2-year-old niece to death while baby-sitting, and, as usual, police publicly released her booking photograph. However, Hadad's husband, Alaeddin, immediately complained that her photo, without her head scarf, was an "insult" to Islam. Said a Muslim activist, "They should respect the modesty of the accused."
[Southtown Star (Chicago), 4-10-09]

Ooorrrrr Mr. Hadad can fuck off and take his Muslim activists with him. You're in the United States not Iran and we are not a Muslim country. If you want your live by your generally laughable rules of your completely ridiculous religion then take your ass back to Iraq or wherever the fuck you came from. The dumb bitch gave up her right modesty when she beat the child to death! She isn't going to have her head cover when she's getting molested by bulldykes in the can so what's it matter in her picture?


Defense attorney John Garcia convinced a jury in Merced, Calif., in May that his client was not guilty of the "forcible rape with great bodily injury" of an 18-year-old woman in 2004, despite the fact that only his client's DNA-identified semen was present, mixed with the victim's blood, on the shorts she wore at the crime scene. Client Daniel Saldana's story was that he had previously had sex with his own girlfriend in the house where the rape occurred and that the girlfriend might have left her shorts on the floor and that the rape victim might have mistakenly put them on after the "other" man raped her.
[Merced Sun-Star, 5-6-09]

The jury is obviously proof that society is fucked. How does anybody convince anybody of that story? I'll tell you, people with very low IQ's who don't want to be in court come to consensus so they don't lose any more pay at McDonald's for the week. As for the attorney, that's just further proof that lawyers are the scum of the earth and should be banished to Mars. I hope as Mr. Garcia crosses the road he gets hit by a bicycle which knocks him into a storm drain. I hope he twists his ankle in the storm drain and breaks it.

I hope he stumbles back into the street and gets swiped by a car and then staggers back off the road where he sits directly on the spike of an old iron fence. I hope it takes a welder to cut the fence so medics can get him to the hospital for emergency surgery to remove the barbed fence from his anus but a drunk doctor switches his chart and he also gets a sex change operation. I hope he's forced to live as a depressed, drug addicted tranny lawyer for 2 years. I hope he is then confronted by his former client one night at a karaoke bar and violently raped. It would be great if our justice system worked, even a little bit would be better than nothing.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Vigilante Torch Mobs Given The Go-ahead To Quell Crimes

Guinean citizens have been asked to set on fire and burn any armed robbers they catch because the country's prisons are too full.


Lawlessness in the Guinean capital city Conakry has risen in recent months, with soldiers accused of being among the main culprits of robberies and rapes.

Captain Moussa Tiegboro Camara, appointed by the military junta to oversee the fight against drugs and serious crime is asking you to burn all armed bandits who are caught red-handed committing an armed robbery," said

"The prisons are full and cannot take more people, and the situation cannot continue like that," he told a meeting of city officials, adding that residents should form self-defense committees to protect themselves against crime.

Of course, rights groups are pitching a bitch about Camara's suggestion for cutting crime.

Other than in the case that their citizens are generally as stupid as our bumbling masses, I don't see the problem with it. I'm sure they are in fact that stupid in general and it'll surely lead to collateral damage but what can you do. I think in theory it's a pretty damn good idea. I'm guessing the prospect of being set on fire by a renegade mob of foaming at the mouth vigilantes is a pretty good deterrent to committing robbery, much more so than 2 months in prison and some probation they'd likely get here.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dare I Say This Is Nearly Every "Hip Hop" Song Out There

Fun Obama Consumer Goods... Consume Away Wit Ya Broke Ass

Can't seem to get enough of the pretender and chief? Wondering how you can be better sheeple? Trying to replace everything you own with crap baring the likeness of the president you only voted for because he was black, not because you know any of his political stances from your familiy's faulty genetics? So are half of the other politically retarded fuckups and slack-ass fucktards in this country who like thinking they are cutting edge, progressive, not racist, or going to receive something without working for it. If you fit this group here are some of the sweet new products out there to help you show your support for the president who's going to put our country a debt that will take 200 generations of goulag-like work ethic to recover from.

#1 On welfare? Can't wait to pick up your free cell phone at taxpayer expense so that you can start spending minutes talking to your girlfriend about the daytime soaps you're watching? Need to make a shady drug deal but no time to get to a pay phone? Don't forget to ask for the Obama phone, you aren't paying for it so be sure to get the best.


#2 Want to grow something besides marijuana? Get you an Obama chia, technically you can't smoke the shit but we know you aren't that smart and you'll get to fiending when you run out of weed. If you smoke Obama's fro and get sick don't worry that you don't have a job, taxpayers will foot the bill.


#3 Ever just need a black man all up in your festering snatch? That useless, no good, boyfriend of yours is out cheating with that trick-ass-ho again? The Dongbama never cheats and he won't knock you up AGAIN! He won't get you a bigger welfare check but he also won't give you the AIDS so go ahead and git yo groove on girlfriend! It's only 7.5 inches so be careful you don't lose it in there.


#4 Want to show what a fashion disaster you are? Want to add to stereotypes? Like to prove that you do only support Obama because he's black and no other reason? Go on now, get you the Obama fade. That shit is gonna cost you a pretty penny, even more than that platinum grill you sportin' but don't worry, you ain't pay for it anyhow.


#5 Want to celebrate not getting the AIDS? In the mood to celebrate your recovery from near death after smoking the Obama chia? Just need to get out to show everybody that you be drinking the Kool-aid wit yo new fade? Just want to celebrate the impending free ticket to America for the entire African continent. Get ya ass down to Hargeisa, Somalila and get some soul food freebie style.


#6 Obama's election didn't make you sick, despite the complete lack of experience and numerous bad decisions? Never you fear, throw some Obama Hot Sauce on your tv dinner and go on worshiping your Obamessiah shrine without worry because you'll have explosive diarrhea in no time.


#7 Like wasting money that you didn't earn on shit you don't need? Oh yeah, we know you do. Don't mix your Kool-aid with that shit out of the tap, get you some special Obama water. Nevermind you sleep on a stained mattress with a family of cockroaches, you don't need to drink anything but the best.


#8 Dream of having the Obamessiah snuggle your happy bits? Too bad, he's already got an uppity wife with the fashion sense of a renegade librarian so you're shit out of luck son. Just because your messiah won't cup your balls personally doesn't mean you can't have the next best thing and stick your dick in Obama's likeness.


#9 If all of the rest of those wonderful products still don't seem like good ideas I have one for the rest of you. I personally am going to stock up on enough to last at least the next four years. Don't settle for regular shitter paper. For the finicky shitter who only wants to wipe their ass with the best, you'll want to be sure to wipe your ass on Obama's face.