Do not stray from your tour group: Some More Random Things For Me To Bitch About

FIRST... WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT PARIS HILTON

Paris Hilton has launched a Mideast edition of "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" television show in Dubai. She claims that she has "studied the culture of Dubai and will steer clear of the drinking and the swearing."

Really, Paris Hilton studying something... I'm supposed to believe that? Can she actually read? If Islamic radicals are listening... America LOVES Paris Hilton! If you want to destroy The Great Satan you should get Paris Hilton!

Did I say that? That's not nice of me... it doesn't matter, they'd likely spend a half hour with her and send her back (blinky eye and all) via the fastest manner of flight they could afford. They might even feel sorry for us and leave us alone.

Yeah that's right... you tell me that you have any idea what the wonkey eye is about to do next! I don't know, you don't know, The Eye has a mind of it's own and it's plotting our destruction.

NEXT PISS ME OFF ISSUE... FUCK SOUTHEAST... OR ANY ASIA FOR THAT MATTER

Pollution in southeast Asia's Mekon River has pushed freshwater dolphins in Cambodia and Laos to the brink of extinction.

Government officials in said countries began to furiously deny this charge.

(Go Figure)

The WWF said only 64 to 76 Irrawaddy dolphins remain in the Mekong after toxic levels of pesticides, mercury and other pollutants were found in more than 50 calves who have died since 2003.

"These pollutants are widely distributed in the environment and so the source of this pollution may involve several countries through which the Mekong River flows," said WWF veterinary surgeon Verne Dove in a press statement.

The organization said it was investigating how environmental contaminants got into the Mekong, which flows through Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, Vietnam and the southern Chinese province of Yunnan.

However, the Cambodian government official tasked with caring for the country's Irrawaddy dolphins said there remained "about 150 to 160" of them in the Mekong, and alleged the WWF's report used flawed research methodology.

"It's big trouble -- they (the WWF) should resign. They should leave Cambodia," Touch Seang Tana, chairman of Cambodia's Commission to Conserve Mekong River Dolphins and Develop Eco-tourism, told AFP.

"They published this without consulting me, and I'm the authority here," he said, adding he did not believe the river contained the pollutants listed in the WWF's report.

Thousands of Irrawaddy dolphins once swam in the Mekong. Although regarded as sacred in Cambodia and Laos, their numbers were cut by the use of illegal fishing nets and Cambodia's drawn-out civil conflict, in which dolphin blubber was used to lubricate machine parts and fuel lamps.

Does anybody actually believe any Asian country when they say that they aren't trying to kill the fuck out of everything that is killable simply because of some outdated medicinal fallacy or some similar ridiculous shit? That's like Rosey O'Donnell saying she hates potato chips. Most of these countries don't give a shit what they kill in the process of trying to make money. Life in inconsequential to them. Hell, they'll grind up the last white bengal tiger just so they can shove it's penis up their ass if you tell them it'll make their little dick harder. If you tell them that Afghani ass fleas are good for eye sight there will be no Afghans left to insurge within 5 years. Don't believe me?

Dog Paws Anybody?

Basically, aside from Japan, most "Asian"/"Southeast Asian" countries have little regard for any damn thing especially animals and you can be positive that when they say they do they're lying through their teeth. I'm far from a your typical PETA animal rights nutter (in fact, I'm going to bitch about them later in this post) but fucked up is fucked up. I say we remove all the wildlife, and build a fucking wall around them then let them poison the fuck out of each other in seclusion.

NEXT UP... AMERICAN ENTITLEMENT CULTURE!

I constantly read "Dear Abby" in the Entertainment Section of Yahoo News. I do this because it pisses me off. Why the hell would you want to be pissed off Dillinger? I'll tell you why! People in this country get dumber every day and I want to know exactly what the fuck I'm up against! Our country is full of such whiney-bitch-ass-crybaby turds that it makes me sick. Case in point

Some cunting bitch wrote in complaining that her employer didn't provide a special restroom so her fucking highness could pump breast milk. Well call the fucking press! As if that wasn't bad enough, more cunting bitches wrote in to explain about how there are or should be laws in various states that make employers provide said space!

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Privacy Please in Santa Clara, Calif." (March 16) that she does not have to pump her breast milk in the bathroom! Depending on the laws in her state, she may be entitled to request that her employer create a dedicated pumping location for new moms.

Pumping in the restroom could endanger her baby's health. That new mom needs a clean, private space to pump and should ask her boss for help in establishing a special room.

Kudos to "Privacy Please" for doing the very best thing for her baby. Hopefully her employer will realize what a valuable, dedicated individual she is and accommodate her needs so she can continue her high-quality work performance while also taking care of her little one. -- NURSING MOM IN TEXAS

Notice... California... and Texas! Both states that I've lived in... both states that should be given the fuck back to Mexico free of charge!

DEAR NURSING MOM: Thank you for raising the issue about the laws pertaining to new nursing moms. Several states have expanded their breast-feeding laws to include provisions that protect a mother's right to express milk in the workplace. California requires employers to provide break time for employees to do this and to make reasonable efforts to provide a location other than a toilet stall, with a penalty for non-compliance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was the first new mom in my office who faced the challenges of pumping in order to continue providing my baby with breast milk. It makes me cringe to think that "Privacy" has to resort to using an unsanitary bathroom stall for this task.

There is legislation in her state that requires her employer to supply her with a room other than a toilet stall for privacy. The La Leche League Web site at www.lalecheleague.org is an excellent resource for breast-feeding moms and provides links to this legislation as well as laws in other states. -- ALICIA IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) has put together a tool kit to help employers understand and take the necessary steps to support breast-feeding employees. Recent studies show that there are many advantages, including lower absenteeism rates and improved productivity. An information booklet titled, "Easy Steps to Supporting Breastfeeding Employees" can be accessed online at www.ask.hrsa.gov. -- HELEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: My employer suggested that I pump in the women's restroom. I replied that I would be happy to do that if the CEO would like to prepare his lunch there as well. It's ridiculous for a nursing mom to go through the process of sterilizing every part of the pumping apparatus and then have to finish the process in a public bathroom. I hope her company will change its policy because it has been proven that breast-fed babies are healthier -- and as a result, parents are less likely to miss work to stay home caring for sick children. -- CONTENT MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I am proud that I am still able to provide my baby with breast milk after nine months while working full-time. I posted a sign on my office door that reads: "Food prep! Door will be unlocked at (insert time)." It gives my co-workers a chuckle. -- STILL NURSING IN NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My wife hangs a sign in her office that reads: "I make milk. What's your superpower?" -- MARRIED TO A SUPERMOM

To the self-important twats who wrote the above lines... I fucking hate every one of you! Are you fucking serious! Are you totally fucking serious!?!? You honestly think you are entitled to this? There are hundreds of thousands of people in this country without jobs who would kill for what you have! A child is not a fucking right it is a responsibility. It IS NOT your employer's responsibility it is your responsibility, you spread your legs, you made the creature, you figure the fuck out how to care for it without inconveniencing everybody else!

If you want to have kids that's fine. My mother had 2 of them and she stayed home to care for them. If you don't have the means to stay home and take care of them that is your problem not ours. Where the hell do you get off turning your issues into public issues? The employer shouldn't have to provide you a single hour of "maternity leave" or anything of the sort. If you want the job you conform to the job, it does not conform to you, you aren't that special I assure you. You choose the path, you choose the consequences! I hate when people don't take responsibility for their own actions. This is why our country is on a slippery slope to self-destruction.

NEXT... PETA... YOU MY FRIENDS ARE COMPLETE RETARDS!

PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.

During an interview for CNBC at the White House on Tuesday, a fly intruded on Obama's conversation with correspondent John Harwood.

"Get out of here," the president told the pesky insect. When it didn't, he waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then smacked it dead.

"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

"Now, where were we?" Obama asked Harwood. Then he added: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."

Friedrich said that PETA was pleased with Obama's voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses.

Still, "swatting a fly on TV indicates he's not perfect," Friedrich said, "and we're happy to say that we wish he hadn't."

At least Obama has done something I agree with him on.

PETA... Can't you please find something useful to do? Anything useful... anything at all? This is simply absurd.

NEXT... THE DOG SHIT CATCHER

Tired of your dog taking a dump? Now you can make sure his shit stays attached to his ass.

This is surely proof that people are retarded.

FINALLY... MORE FECAL PROBLEMS

Can't pry your fat ass away from the table? Addiction to fast food just can't be kicked? Are you too goddamn fat to wipe your own sorry ass? There's an invention for that too.