Thursday, October 29, 2009

Muhammad Hates Alcohol

Remember in my last blog when I said how much fun it was to walk into my neighbor's house and tell them what to do? I love it! If you don't remember, this is what I do. At dinner time I like to let myself into my neighbor's houses.

(I choose the neighbor by who I think will give me the most with the least resistance).

As I burst in I stomp my wet/muddy/snowy shoes all over their carpet because that's how we do it where I come from. I sit myself down at their table and demand to be served. If they resist I pretend I'm starving and make elaborate excuses to convince them why they should feed me. If they still refuse I scream and threaten their lives. When they finally serve me I piss and moan about how shitty the food is and how small the portions are. I complain that this food isn't made the way it was where I come from. Only in my home is food properly made. When they ask me to make them food sometime to show them, I shut up and stop talking because they are dirty and cannot come into my home to eat the special food or they'll taint it.

I also love to interrupt their conversations while they talk and tell them they are very rude for leaving me out, even when I sometimes choose to sit across the room, in a corner, by myself. I just yell across the room about how they are purposefully isolating me and when they invite me over I stay there and pretend to be sad because "it's too late now." In reality I know that I am better than them and that I shouldn't be close to them or I'll be tainted by them. I love to tell them what they can and cannot talk about when they converse at dinner. I simply cannot allow them to say anything that I find objectionable or offensive in my presence even if it is in their house at their table because I am above them and my needs come first.

Sounds pretty goddamn idiotic doesn't it? Sounds sorta familiar as well doesn't it? Who wants to guess where I'm going with this?

Remember that Stealth Jihad I was talking about not so long ago. Muslims attempting to compel non-Muslims to change their behavior to accommodate Muslim sensibilities.

The owner of the soon-to-open Breslin restaurant, situated in the 12-story Ace Hotel on Broadway and 29th, is the target of members of the Masjid Ar-Rahman mosque across the street. He said some mosque visitors "object to seeing people drink alcohol."

Apparently Muslims haven't the ability to simply mind their own goddamn business.

After the recent FergusStock, a festival during which famed British chef Fergus Henderson cooked whole pigs for a rapt crowd of New York chefs and foodies, Mr. Friedman said the mosque's leaders called a meeting with the hotel. "They said, 'Can you move the bar?'" he said. "And I laughed. And the guy said, 'Oh, you think that's funny?' And I said, 'Yeah, that is funny, that is really funny, because we're not going to move the bar just because you discovered we're serving booze.' Can you name one restaurant in New York that doesn't serve booze?"

Mr. Friedman and his partner, Spotted Pig chef April Bloomfield, did agree to nix plans for a dive bar in a townhouse next door, but as for the restaurant, "I said, 'This is the United States of America and we'll do whatever the f**k we want.'"

I like this guy, although, if it were me I would put in an even bigger bar than I had planned. In fact, I would probably make an attempt at a club, or a titty bar and I would only serve booze and pork products.

Mosque officials suggested they "couldn't control the behavior of 'a few bad eggs'"; i.e., "we could get a brick through our window." Mr. Friedman said. He made the police aware of this threat.

The police are on it right now as a matter of fact. They have already patted down a 9 year old Hispanic boy; an 80 year old, blind, Japanese man; and a middle aged Jewish lady; and a Russian guy. No bricks have been found so far and the threat is being deemed highly unlikely.

A volunteer at the mosque that a law forbids serving liquor within 200 feet of a place of worship and that "not more than 200 feet is between the mosque and the bar. It turns out that in order for that law to apply it has to be an exclusively dedicated house of worship. Their space has both residences and a restaurant, so basically, the law doesn't apply. Everyone was aware of that when the liquor license was granted.

Hmm, creative selectively stating only part of a law that doesn't apply to make it sound as if it does, as though nobody is going to notice.

When the Transom visited, the "doily curtain" covering had not yet arrived, and paper has been taped to the windows to shield the mosque's worshipers from the sight of a gay wedding over the weekend. "They can threaten, but they can't really stop us," Mr. Friedman said.

I would take the Israeli approach. We'll be neighbors, we won't bother you if you don't bother us. We'll even be nice if you're nice. If you throw bricks through our window we'll throw molotovs through yours. Maybe if you douchebags would lighten up and have a goddamn drink, get laid, take off the bed sheet in the sweltering sun, you wouldn't be so goddamn angry and disagreeable all of the time. It's your choice to live by the rules of your chosen book of fairy tales so deal with it. If you don't like the way we do things don't look, if you can't manage that then go back to your own country where you're forced to do things the way you want at the point of an AK-47. Those are your two choices and if you don't like them you can fuck off.


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