Saturday, June 28, 2014

If You're Going to San Fransisco To Jump Off The Golden Gate Bridge

If you're going to San Fransisco, be sure to jump far enough to clear the anti-suicide net... no wait that's not how it goes. I'm sure San Fransisco is a beautiful place if you like smug, liberal asshattery, weather never changes (foggy until Noon when the fog burns off for decent sunny 60's or so until the fog comes back about 6:00 pm), and wasting money in ill-conceived bullshit that won't do jack. That's the point of today's story... wasting money, something that is a beloved pastime of the "Golden State" which I'm proposing be changed to The Cash-Sink State". Now they have finally approved a $76,000,000 net system on the Golden Gate Bridge that will help slow the suicide of TENS of people a year. Yeah you fucking read that shit right... TENS! We've been losing tens of valuable Liberals every year because we didn't have a $76,000,000 net on the Golden Gate Bridge to help prevent free will. Goddamn that free will bullshit. How dare us let people choose to continue or end their own miserable existence as they see fit. The fucking audacity!

Now this net system is quite awesome. The Northman Institute has had our scientists extensively reviewing it's proposed effectiveness for several minutes now and we deem to to be 279% flawless. I would simply direct your attention to an unnamed artist's rendering of this ingenious net system that was so well thought out that it is guaranteed not to fail.

Can you see that? That imposing thing to the side of the bride that will stop all jumpers in their tracks. It looks to be at least 5 or 6 feet wide which in itself is a suicidal show stopper. It's not like any given 8 year old with one leg and a bad case of the scoliosis who doesn't even have the ability of a running start can clear that bitch without even straining himself... simply inconceivable. On top of that little tiddly-bit look how tangly it appears. Once you're in the fucker you're stuck like a spider web until a rescue team gets to you 25 to 30 minutes later. It's not likely anybody could possibly simply land in the net and which is like 5 feet down from the top of the bridge and then crawl off the net and free fall like a glorious Tom Petty ballad to a watery grave below. Not A Chance!

So now that we've gotten these most important facts down we're going to have to consider some other issues in order to save our nation's oh so valuable suicidally depressed and sometimes downright crazy people because God knows... if I believed in god, that we need them around otherwise who will flip their shit and go on killing sprees if we let them all kill themselves.

I suggest we completely ignore the far less iconic Oakland-San Fransisco Bay Bridge since we haven't yet put up the nets so people haven't been thwarted yet at the Golden gate and begun hurling themselves off that one. I know, I know, it's pretty far fetched. I realize that I'm taking a pretty huge leap (no pun intended... oh who am I kidding, sure there was) to consider that a suicidal person who might want to jump off a bridge might manage to take their Prius or the Bus or whatever that particular hippie prefers and go the less than 9 miles to the Oakland-San Fransisco Bay Bridge which is almost the same height as the Golden Gate Bridge and instead take a flying header off of that one into oblivion.

Not my photo... Not claiming it is my photo... Don't know who took it.

I know, it's a stupid thought so I'll just drop it like a bridge jumper. Ouch... that wasn't nice. I would also like to add that there's no way somebody who can't jump from a bridge will choose to instead throw themselves in front of one of these.

Again not my photo
But there I go again being irrational. I never think before I say these things. Now that I'm looking at it and knowing it only has a top speed of 80 mph I realize there's no possible way this could kill somebody so again I apologize for being irrational.

I would just like to say once again. Good job San Fransisco and good job California for being such geniuses and ensuring that people who don't want to live and/or have no reason to live are forced to do it against their will. Good on you you democracy loving people you.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

More Cases of Human Stupidity and Additional

I had a "discussion" with a relative of mine the other day who fancies himself an optimist and that is what set me in motion with this particular topic. This individual claims that I only like to pick out of bad things in life and bitch about them while he would rather focus on the good. Now he was more or less willing to agree with me that there seems to be more sewage than water in the world gene pool these days but remains steadfast that it's still more important to look at the good and not the bad. This argument I cannot wrap my mind around. Sure, I suppose if you're sitting in the middle of a fucking garbage dump staring at the lone flower that has sprouted up in the center of the stinking mess or raw refuse and you can focus on that one flower without your mind drifting then you alone in that time and place will be happier. He seems to think though that if everybody would just sit in the trash and focus on this one flower we'd all be happier and I disagree. I say we'd be sitting in a huge fucking pile of garbage smelling like shit and staring at a flower like a bunch of drooling retards trying desperately to ignore the mess we're too selfish and/or stupid to acknowledge. I say if more people came around to thinking the way I do about things then the dump would get cleaned up, yes we would have to put in lots of unpleasant work and many people wouldn't like it but in the end we would end up with a nice clean field of grass that was full of flowers and no garbage. That would apparently inconvenience him too much.

Now all this ties in with the cesspool that we call society in far too many ways for me to even begin to tie them all together so I'm just going to throw in a few examples here and my thoughts on the matter and you may do what you like with them.

How about we start with some of the fucking retards we have who are supposed to lead by example enforcing laws. We have one Cop who Slit This Dog's Throat for biting a woman when he showed up. Sure, dog's aren't supposed to bite people and it's certainly something to be concerned about when they do but this is supposed to be a voice and a face of reason and instead we get this fat fucking half-tarded jackoff who shows up all phycho and decides to go all fucking Al Quaeda on the goddamn dog for what reason other than that he thinks his badge makes him something more special than a fucking SERVANT OF THE PEOPLE.

Here's another case of Johnny Law taking his badge as a license to do whatever the fuck he feels like with the firearm he's obviously too stupid to have. Now don't get me wrong, I am not for run-away "gun control" but I am often amazed at some of the morons who are given badges and guns. This cop enters this other man's own back yard and shoots his fucking dog that is in it's own goddamn yard and kills it and for what? It's a motherfucking Weimeraner not a goddamn Grizzly Bear. This is called excessive force. I don't give a fuck if you're looking for somebody else's kid. My pets are my kids and if this guy feels the same way I would you just killed his fucking child looking for somebody else's who ended up still being in his own goddamn house. Why the fuck didn't you make sure he wasn't there in the first place? How fucking stupid are you? The fact of the matter is he'll likely get away with it too because this country is so full of corruption and stupidity we just let shit like this go.

Problem: Idiots on the Police Force
Solution: Pay police more and require an IQ of 110 minimum, and you MUST pass a physical fitness exam and a critical thinking exam (that changes every time) at minimum every three months for the entire time you wish to remain a police officer.


We always think we... well I don't, but those optimist do... can rehabilitate everybody. It doesn't matter how fucked up their head is, if we just give them enough hugs and kisses it'll all get better right? Wrong Assholes!

This guy is in an Arizona prison in a room full of sex offenders and they left a female teacher alone in the room with them. Does anybody want to guess what happened next? Come on... Guess!
No... Nobody one of them stabbed her in the head with a pen and raped her. Really, how fucking stupid can you be. Again I simply cannot grasp the level of idiocy required to A) be the teacher who gets left alone in a room full of sex offenders and doesn't say "hey wait a minute... bad idea" and B) be the prison officials who think "sure we'll leave her alone in a room full of rapists, what could possibly go wrong?" This shit boggles my fragile little mind.

Question: Why do we bother? Statistics show again and again that it almost never works. Essentially we're saying in this case. You raped somebody, you ruined their life and left them with a scar they'll have to live with forever but your happiness is worth more than theirs so we're going to do everything we can to try to give you a happy ending.
Solution: You rape somebody we remove fun bits... All of them! I know, I know, that still leaves the possibility for assaulting somebody. I'm trying to cater to both sides. If you decide you still can't be calm and nice and fit into society the next time we take you into the street and put a bullet in your face and bill your family for the bullet and the cleanup.

Next up are the Frat Brother Rapists. I know, I know, who would have ever thought that insecure douchebags who are willing to pay for popularity would stoop to such a level never mind history. Ok, sure this isn't really a new occurrence... not the frat boy thing, but insecure pussies (male) taking advantage of drunk women. Of course it's stupid to get so drunk you can get into that situation, everybody knows that and yet so many people do it anyhow, that still doesn't give these fucktards any excuse. What surprises me is the fact she actually stated that "they could have taken care of me." Honestly? Do you really think "take care of" in a nice way was in their ability? Then on top of that the school graduating them after it came out. Again the stupidity I simple cannot wrap my mind around.

Solution: Kick them out of school with no graduation if they're found guilty and then lube them up with pine tar and leave them naked alone in that room full of sex offenders with the instructions that they are your new toys for the next three days.


As if we aren't already in debt enough as a country we have tens of thousands of Illegal Woman and Children... Some Pregnant entering the country and instead of being turned back our border agents are fucking playing midwife and delivering the babies then courteously sending them on to meet up with relatives already living illegally in our country. We have tens of thousands out of work already, we're billions of dollars in debt to a country that wants to see us crash (aka China) who is in bed with another country who wants to see us burn (aka Russia) and our Welfare system is strained beyond the brink already and yet because their homeland isn't nice we'll just let them in here because "it's the right thing to do." Do you know what else isn't going to be nice? The United States in another 15 or 20 years if we keep moving along these lines. Do we think for one second China won't call in these debts as soon as they think they can do maximum damage? Do we honestly think this for one second? Now we're going to accept tens of thousands more who can be nothing else but welfare recipients further straining our system. This is not even considering the fact that this immigration wave is not like the ones in the past. Sure my ancestors aren't from here, they came from other countries too. You know what they did when they got here? They put down the flags of their former countries and they picked up an American flag. They were so proud be be part of this country. They may not have immediately learned the language but they wanted to learn it as fast as possible. They did not call for their language to be spoken instead of English. They did not call for their language to be taught along with English. They learned about their new country, they waved their new flag and they stood up as proud new unwavering Americans. What does this generations immigrants do? They spit on our United States Flag, they hang theirs from their home country instead. They don't want to learn our language and they want the keep the very same culture that built or a better way to put it would be destroyed the country they came from. What do you think will happen here as we continue to embrace this "rich" culture they bring with them? They're turn this place into the same lawless shithole that they ran away from in the first place.


I can't even figure out why I have to say anything about this, I really can't. I don't care if you are 13 at the time of the incident. If you pour gasoline on somebody and light them on fucking fire you know goddamn well what it is going to do. That is not a childhood experiment. Whey we are paying to keep this waste of Oxygen alive is simply beyond me. He should be doused in gasoline and lit on fire. I would love to hear what use he might be to society other than maybe for pharmaceutical testing which I would be alright with. If you can honestly look at what he did to this other kid and think that he deserves to live then again you are telling me you believe his life was more important that the other boy and you are a human shit stain too.


Dozardokarokar Tsanakokarev or whatever the fuck that Muslim Boston Bombing cocksucker is named as if it actually matters can't get a fair trial in Massachusetts. Awe, that's just a crying shame. How about we give him a fair chance like he gave all of the people he bombed. We know he did it... Shit, the whole fucking country know HE DID IT so I would like to know where his blood sucking lawyer thinks we can get him a fair trial? Maybe we should let him go back to Chechnya? I'm sure they'll be very fair to him which is of course what he deserves huh? We are so goddamn dumb as a society with this constant fairness to people who don't deserve fairness and we wonder why we have the crime we do. You WILL NOT be punished according to your crime in America and everybody knows this. That is why we have rapes and shootings and bullshit after bullshit that keeps getting worse. We need to just start executing this scum starting with this filthy heathen but amputating his arms and legs and setting him loose in the Alaskan wilderness in January wearing nothing but a t-shirt.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

World War III

I'm really not sure where I want to start and end with this so I'll just start randomly and end the same way. The news generally pisses me off because people generally piss me off. I read a couple of things lately that both made me laugh and nearly cry if by cry one were to mean want to punch somebody in the face. I think having made those brief and very general statements I will begin with asking a simple question. When are we going to learn from history? Are we ever going to learn from history? Where am I going with this you might ask. I'll tell you. So a day or two ago Hillary Clinton called Vladimir Putin or as I like to call him "Pooty Poot" (a reference to a short lived but rather amusing cartoon called "Lil' Bush" which is otherwise irrelevant) Hitler more or less.

 Hillary Comparing Pooty Poot To Hitler

Of course Pooty Poot got pissed off and defensive because he is like Hitler. I have to say I don't personally like Clinton but the fact of the matter is that she's spot on. Pooty Poot has said he is protecting ethnic Russians by moving troops into Crimea and is that in fact not exactly what Herr Hitler did as he first because trashing the treaty of Versailles in the 1930's while Neville Chamberlain sat back and assumed he would simply get enough and stop, as did the rest of Europe still reeling from the effects of World War I, as we are now from the Middle East Quagmire? All the while simply thinking sure this is bad but we don't need another war. Next thing we know the Nazi war machine sweeps across Europe.

Hitler was forged by a regime bent on dominance and unwilling to accept an equal voice but always wanting to be THE voice. Where has Putin come from? The Soviet Union... The KGB... The same manner of mentality that Hitler rose from and as he moves into territory that was once under the Soviet Flag as Hitler once moved into territory that was once under the Austria-Hungarian Banner with intentions on taking in all back even while he said he had none we still fail to recognize or at least still fail to admit the similarities.

We all know Putin is a man with a Napoleon complex or else he wouldn't have photo op after photo op trying to look as badass as he can while looking like a joke.

Reflecting on his awesomeness, future wold domination, and whether or not he can yank those pants any higher.
Sharing his steroids with his trusty steed Vladimir Ilyich Lenin Jr.

One can only guess that he is about to slay an Ice Giant or an Elder Dragon or such.

Saving the world from a forest fire... he was quoted as saying "fuck Smokey the Bear" or something like that.
Capturing a new mount because his previous trusty steed Vladimir Ilyich Lenin Jr. died of liver failure brought on by excessive steroid abuse. Speculation is that Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili Jr. will be even more brutal fleet footed.

That's a Tricycle for fucksake! A tricycle with neon lights under it! Sure it has a motor but it's still a tricycle.
There is some question as to the validity of this photo. The Sharktovich family could not be reached for comment.
Fact of the matter is that despite all this posing and bullshit he still does whatever the fuck he wants while Obama pulls a Chamberlain. At least Hillary had the balls to call him on it. That is not a pun... or maybe it is, I really can't decide at the moment.

What is our dear leader doing while Pooty Poot is testing the west and starting to see what they'll let him get away with? (I can tell him, my guess is that it's just about anything.)

It's even more sad in motion (see link below)

His Wife Could Lift More

Obama is giving himself a hernia lifting paper weights it would appear. Excellent! No wonder Pooty Poot is quaking in his Jackboots.