Friday, December 25, 2009

The Only Christmas Song I Don't Hate

Merry Christmas to all those of you out there who aren't wankers.  If you are a wanker then bugger off.  You know who you are.  Merry Christmas people.







Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Vladimir The Judo Master Putin

Russian leader Vladimir Putin has offered to join the national judo team after showing off his martial arts skills to members of the squad.  Strangely enough, he was actually wearing a shirt while he did it.  A gi I suppose they call it, but it could barely contain his raw manliness.  They actually had to give the gi steroids to keep it from simply disintegrating in his presence.

The 57-year-young prime minister (he's actually 57 centuries old but being modest and denying his immortality) made the proposal at a special coaching session on Saturday aired on state television.  Who wouldn’t want Putin on the team.  He once judo chopped a Tyrannosaurus Rex to death with a single Putin blow to the cranium and then made Chuck Norris cry.  That shit is good for morale.  Here's a little tidbit I bet you didn't know, his pecs are named destroyer 1 and destroyer two while his biceps are named apocalypse and death.  It's true!



Putin, who many observers believe is still paramount leader despite standing down as president last year, entered the hall of St Petersburg's School of Sport Mastery dressed in a white judo gi and black belt, to the mandatory applause from the assembled squad.  One squad member who was not paying attention and failed to applaud was immediately reassigned to the Siberian Gulag Judo Squad.

After bowing, the former KGB macho awesome Prime Minister went onto the mats, throwing squad members half his age and even tackling the chief trainer, Olympic Gold medallist Ezio Gamba who began shaking uncontrollably and tearing up (despite trying to hide it) while muttering about his family and refusing to comment about suggestions that he may have allowed Putin to win.

Then, over tea and cakes, Putin made the suggestion.  “If the team is not good enough without me you may tap into my vast, awesome, manliness to assist the motherland in conquering all” (quote may not be exact) he told the trainer, an Italian who won gold at the 1980 Moscow Olympics.

Putin, then pulled out his giant balls and slammed all 92.64 pounds of them onto the coffee table and exclaimed “you may now stroke the perfection of the Putin... touch the balls, feel the power" and the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats.

Officials praised Putin's technique in the Japanese martial art, and dismissed any hint that he may have been allowed to win. "He has the psychology of a winner, the psychology of the victorious" and thinking he was now off the record, Georgy Kukoverov, the school's chief begged for assistance defecting.

Since becoming prime minister, Putin has fueled speculation that he could return to the Kremlin one day with a series of high-profile stunts, baring his chest while riding a horse in Siberia before snapping it's neck like a celery stock.


Fly fishing shirtless just before using his manly yell to part the stream and capture the floundering fish with his teeth.



Tranquilizing a Siberian tiger  with electricity from his personality.



Flying a fighter jet to the year 1758 and back defying the laws of space and time.



And single handedly punching a meteor back out of the solar system with his iron fists before it could land and destroy the earth.  All cameras were immediately vaporized by the raw power of that one so no photos are available.  There was almost a slight controversy when Putin accidentally walked too close to a Russian girl’s school causing the immediate pregnancy of 938 school girls ages 13 - 18 as well as a female bear in the forest nearby (his manly fertility knows no species boundaries) but then all realized how lucky any girl would be to bare Putin’s child and the motherland rejoiced.

When asked to comment, Hugo Chavez exclaimed that since he's already renaming things, all Venezuelan citizens will from now on refer to Russia as The Glorious Republic of Vladimir Putin.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Angels Falls Isn’t So Angelic Says Chavez

The Crazy Fucker who is running Venezuela doesn’t want to call the waterfall “Angel Falls" anymore.  Dictator “President” Hugo Chavez wants to revert back to the indigenous name doesn’t really matter.




The falls were first brought to the attention of the world when US pilot Jimmy Angel first spotted them in 1937.  Since then the falls have become one of Venezuela's top tourist attractions.  Nobody is quite sure what the others might be.

Big Hugo pictured here




and in a later photo



cannot accept that the falls were discovered by an American.  "How could we accept this idea that the falls were discovered by a guy who came from the United States in a plane. If we do that, that would be like accepting that nobody was living here," Chavez mused on his weekly radio and television show, "Hello Mr Megalomaniac President."

While this is true that the falls were surely not “discovered” by Angel, it is also a little far fetched to believe that tiny black men wearing garden vegetables on their penis’ and killing chinchillas for dinner using sharp sticks are going to do a very good job getting the word out about sight seeing options.

"Nobody should speak of Angel Falls any more," Chavez said.  "That is ours, and was a long time before Angel ever got there."

Chavez first proposed calling it the “America Is The Evil Devil Country And I Hate Them Falls” but many said in the native Venezuelan language it just didn’t have a good ring to it.

In indigenous Pemon, the falls are called Kerepakupai meru, meaning... well, something about deep places and falls but I drifted off while they were explaining it.

Chavez likes to change the names of things, it helps make him feel more important and his tiny penis grows a fraction of a millimeter each time he does.

After he came to power in 1999 the herptified cunt Chavez changed the name of his own country from just plain Venezuela to the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela because it obviously sounds more moronic Marxist proper.  That move was to pay homage to independence fighter Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar Palacios y Blanco... (no, seriously, that’s his name) but most just call him Simon Bolivar and unless you give a flying fuck about South American history he is otherwise irrelevant... I don’t, so I’ll move on without explaining further.

The sphincter Chavez then renamed a mountain in Caracas, previously known as Cerro Avila, with its indigenous name, Guaraira Repano which might mean “Little Fat Dictator Who Looks As Though He Has A Touch Of Down Syndrome Mountain” in the native tongue.

He then renamed megalomaniacal paranoid schizophrenia as self confidence.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Iran Gives The West Another Big "Fuck You"

And the West continues to sit with its thumb up its ass.

Iran has successfully test-fired a long-range, upgraded Sejil 2 missile on Wednesday, state television reported, a feat that can be likened to a child with severe autism acquiring a 5 gallon bucket containing ricin.  In their typical moronic, liberal, way, Western sources are now beginning to pretend they are somehow surprised by this and some even suppose that it might cause tension with Iran.  Others suspect that concerns will quickly turn back to more pressing matters like what is that kooky Kanye West up to this time!






British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said the launch was of serious concern to the international community and underlined the case for spreading assistance checks and possibly handing out council estates to Iranian officials so they will be more likely to mill about, drink too many Stellas, and stab pensioners instead of blowing up countries.

Iranian Defense Minister Ahmad “Dastardly Dan” Vahidi said the test was part of efforts to boost Iran’s abilities to annihilate infidels with extreme prejudice.

Al Alam, Iran's Arabic-language satellite television, said the two-stage, solid fuel Sejil missile had a longer range than the Islamic Republic's Shahab model.  It continued to say that President Ahmadinejad’s penis was 16 inches long by 12 inch circumference, his cars were all faster than yours, he can solve a rubiks cube in under 3 seconds every time, and his father can beat up our father.

Iranian officials failed to hide their throbbing boners as they said the Shahab 3 missile can reach targets up to 2,000 km (1,250 miles) away. Such a range would put Israel and U.S. bases in the Gulf within reach.

The missile test coincides with increased tension over Iran's nuclear program, which the West willingly stood by and allowed because there are giant dripping cunts without even a single hint of the balls needed to actually stand up for themselves and for their very survival even when the threat is obvious and loudly outspoken in intention.  Iran, with winks and nods to one another, stated, “no, we simply want to enrich uranium so that we can have power to run air conditioners better.”

Neither Israel nor the United States have ruled out military action if diplomacy fails to resolve the dispute. Iran has vowed to retaliate against any attack.

Meanwhile, Israel is standing by waiting for the pussy Obama to say “it’s alright to defend yourselves” and Obama is waiting for somebody to change his sopping wet pad so he can concentrate on even more effectively erasing any technological advantages the West may have against the willingly “martyred” Muslim nutters who are diligently plugging away at their favorite hobby... which happens to be devising ways to kill infidels with common household products you can find in a household in a shitty fucking country trying desperately to climb out of third world status despite the ridiculous constraints imposed by it’s morbidly oppressive and ridiculous, and almost laughable (if it weren’t so goddamn dangerous) religion.

State television showed a missile launched from desert-like terrain soaring into the sky with a long vapor trail.  It then showed President Ahmadinejad clutching his missile and giggling like a school girl.

"Iran successfully tests optimized version of the first non-camel transported Sejil 2 missile," it said in a breaking news headline.

Vahidi said the missile, which he said was developed by the only Iranian scientists that they haven’t killed because science is incompatible with Islam, needed a shorter launch time and was even more accurate than throwing stones at the heads of women, state television said.

The test came a day after the U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that they’ll use to threaten to but will never actually use to impose sanctions on foreign companies that help supply gasoline to Iran.   This is a measure lawmakers (liars elected by nieve public) pretend to hope will deter Tehran from pursuing its nuclear work.

Iran has repeatedly shrugged off the impact of such punitive measures, that include three rounds of limited U.N. sanctions since 2006 because all they need is the capability to wipe Israel off the map and blow up a few U.S. cities and they’ll finally get those portly and sweaty, unibrow-having “virgins” that Allah promised them.  They just want something to have sex with that doesn’t have 4 legs and spit at them... can you blame them.

In Copenhagen, Britain's Brown said after meeting U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon: "I have expressed to him and he has also expressed concern about the test of a long-range missile by Iran.  With that circle jerk complete, Brown flew back to continue perpetuating the decline of his once great country while General Blanket Who-Gives-A-Shit continued to be almost as useless like the organization he is a part of.

"This is a matter of serious concern to the international community and it does make the case for us moving further on sanctions ... We will treat this with the seriousness it deserves."  When asked what that meant, General Blanky Poon said the West will continue to talk semi-tough, threaten things they don’t plan of following through with, repeatedly mention how peaceful Islam is, and basically ignore the issue until it hopefully disappears.  If the situation gets bad enough, a few peacekeepers will be sent to get shot and retreat.

In September, Iran test-fired missiles which a commander said could reach any regional target. The White House branded those tests "provocative" let out a tiny poo in it’s collective White House pants.
Washington suspects Iran is trying to develop nuclear bomb capability and has previously expressed concern about Tehran's missile program.  Iran says its nuclear work is solely for generating peaceful electricity and then several officials peacefully used a large rock to smash the skull of a woman who was buried up to her waist in the street for not having dinner ready when her husband returned from Jihad training camp.

Earlier this week, diplomats said intelligence (a term we use loosely) suggested that Iran worked on testing a key atomic bomb component as recently as 2007, a finding which if proven would clash with Iran's assertion its nuclear work is for civilian use which Western officials are trying very hard to believe just long enough to get us all killed so they’ll get reelected up until the very last election.

Iran's Foreign Ministry rejected the claim as "baseless" and as Westerners we know for a fact that all people are always good and Islam is the religion of peace which would never lie to us.

On Tuesday, Israeli military intelligence chief Major-General Amos Yadlin said: "Iran is striving to improve it surface-to-surface missile capability. It is developing missiles propelled by solid fuel and is expanding their range to other continents."  On Wednesday President Obama offered to sucky sucky fi dolla for three prominent Muslim officials and groveled at the feet of two more while he massaged the bunions of an Imam, bowed to a Chinese official, and at the same time laid his jacket over a mud puddle so a Somali Warlord didn’t soil his shoe-less feet.

The United States and five other major powers said on Tuesday that a planned meeting on Iran's nuclear program will not take place this year because they would prefer to pretend the problem is not there and hope that Iran gets bored and moves on to Kite flying instead.

When Ahmadinejad was asked about further sanctions against his country if he didn’t stop his activities he simply laughed, said “Russia will sell us their very soul for bargain bin prices so the West can threaten all they want.  Soon, Allah will judge us all so the West can shit in one hand and wish in the other.”

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Brian David Mitchell - Justice... Only For Victimless Crimes In America?

A federal prison psychologist says that the suspect in the abduction of Elizabeth Smart understands the accusations against him but isn't competent to stand trial.



This confuses me because I was under the impression that to stand trial one must simply sit there in a chair while people read evidence against you and your lawyer lies as best he can in an attempt to get your dangerous ass released back into the public so you can kidnap and rape more children.  I didn’t realize that the parking of one’s bottom in a chair required elevated levels of reasoning ability.

Dr. Richart DeMier of the U.S. Medical Center for Federal Prisoners in Springfield, Mo., disagrees with me and said that he had determined that Brian David Mitchell is suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.

Dr. Dillinger of the Dillinger Medical Board of Professional Psychiatric Doctor-type-people replied that is all the more reason to put his paranoid schizophrenic ass in prison before he fucks up more people’s lives.

“DeMier said during a competency hearing for Mitchell in U.S. District Court Wednesday that Mitchell is not making rational decisions about his criminal defense,” which is a terrible shame because the kidnaping, holding captive, sometimes starving, and raping of a 14 year old up to four times a day for 9 months is extremely rational.  So rational in fact, maybe they should just give him a medal and let him go.

"If he believes he's going to be miraculously delivered from prison by God in two years time, that's not a rational thought process," said DeMier, who evaluated Mitchell over 45 days a year ago.

Which is funny because I work with a lot of people who think they’re going to be miraculously delivered from this world at some point.  From this world!  That’s even more miraculous than prison!  No, really, it is.  Theoretically I could likely deliver somebody from prison if I cared to chance the trouble...  I do not.  I’m not even god-like really... very handsome yes, but god-like, probably not?  So if I can do it then it musn’t be so miraculous and therefore not all that unreasonable and for this reason it’s not that irrational.  From this world on the other hand...  I can’t take your ass to heaven, it’s probably very far to heaven, but out of prison may merely be across the street.  Soooo, theoretically everybody who believes god will take them to heaven is more irrational than this silly son of a bitch who’s only getting a trip out of the building.

Mitchell participated in less than five hours of formal interviews and talked at length about his religious beliefs but shut down when DeMier raised issues related to his mental competency, the psychologist said.

Mitchell also directed staff at the Missouri hospital to refer to him by his religious name, Immanuel David Isaiah, the prophet, DeMier said.

Doctors won’t even believe this silly bastard and millions believe the psychopath Muhammad?  I guess he’ll just have to do what Muhammad did and write a passage that says something along the lines of: The Doctors will hide behind the rock and tree, and the rock and tree will say oh Rapist there is a Doctor behind me come and kill him.  Alright, sorry I got a little of track for a second.

But DeMier said that Mitchell does understand the charges against him, the court process and the roles of the judge, prosecutors and defense attorneys.  Mitchell, 56, has been indicted on federal charges of kidnaping and unlawful transportation of a minor across state lines.  In October, she testified she was raped after being forced into a religious marriage with Mitchell within hours of the kidnaping.
      
Federal prosecutors contend Mitchell is competent. A New York forensic psychiatrist said he is faking or exaggerating symptoms of mental illness to avoid prosecution.  Mitchell's federal public defenders claim he is unable to assist them with his case.

The Dillinger Institute For Laws That Don’t Exist But Should has suggested that if the person is too goddamn crazy to go on trial then the person is too goddamn crazy to be released into public.  If the person is too goddamn crazy to be released into public and too goddamn crazy to go on trial then the person won’t know the goddamn difference if we kill their crazy-ass so they aren’t wasting our valuable time, food, money, and space.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Cell Phone Driver Danger?

Here’s one for the “home state laws” category.  They may be just as asinine as anything the Federal Government could manage, but these ones directly annoy us.

Pennsylvania is slowly beginning to enforce bans on “hand-held-cell-phones.”  First, Philadelphia's banned it while driving within city limits.  Now Erie has proposed a ban Patterned on the one in Philly.


Experts say that it’s still too early to tell if the ban in Philly has cut down on phone use or prevented accidents but were happy to report that their crime rate is still world class and the city is still a fucking dump.  This proves that the ban was apparently not too disruptive.   One police officer who asked to remain anonymous said “It’s a great new law.  Times have been very hard for the department in this slow economy.  We’ve taken budget cuts and had to lay off officers left and right.  This law has been great because there are so many hardened cell phone users out there to be brought to justice.  The money from the fines is putting officers back on the street without putting them in the dangerous situations that they would be in while fighting real crime.”  He concluded with “I would just like to tell all of the criminal phone users on the street:  If you perpetrate in my neighborhood I’ll take you down!”

Two days after the city began enforcement, the Philadelphia Police Department had issued 160 citations for violation of the law and the boners were rock hard all around.

“Our biggest hope is that the state of Pennsylvania would pass this as a law as part of the Pennsylvania Motor Vehicle Code,” said Lt. Frank Something Italian, a department spokesman. "For public safety, we really need to pass some type of driving-while-distracted law. Something needs to be done” to prevent all this convenient communication.

Statistics obtained in a study by a reputable group of really smart scientists who were certainly not being funded by the group who wants to ban phone use while driving found some very interesting facts.

100% of car accidents occurred within 2 miles of somebody using a cell phone.

67% of people who owned a cell phone have in fact been involved in an accident at some point.

For every 1 additional mile per hour you are traveling when you run into something while talking on a cell phone, you are 99% more likely to sustain worse injuries than if you struck something while driving slower and not talking on your cell phone.

93% of people who drive cars daily are almost too stupid to remember how to swallow and when they talk on a cell phone they are more likely to have an accident.

82% of people had an IQ that matched the number of accidents they had been in with a cell phone in the car.

Another study found that when cell phone use is banned it initially declines but then increases again over time as people get tired of following along with such laughable laws.  One man who was asked what he thought about the proposed bans said that it’s really nothing more than a ploy by “legislators” and “law enforcement officials” to attempt to veil the extortion of more money from an already financially strapped public in the name of “safety.”

Institute researchers found, in the long-term, that hand-held cell-phone use in Connecticut was 65 percent lower than would be expected without the ban; in New York and D.C., usage was 24 percent and 43 percent lower respectively than would be expected without the bans.  What did not go down the least bit is the number of disrespectful cunts who cannot interrupt their pointless conversation long enough to actually pay for their shit and get the fuck out of the store in a timely manner so that the rest of us can as well.  A study that was done by scientists at the Dillinger institute this past year show that 89% of those who would refuse to hang up the cell phone for their own funeral are “minorities.”  Dillinger institute scientists would not further break down these statistics into minority groups because said groups are very whiny.  One scientist was quoted as saying “if you ever go shopping in public places you know who we mean.”  If you’re thinking “that’s racist” then you’re wrong because it isn’t wrong if it’s true.  Do your own study and prove us wrong or shut it!

Scientists from those less reputable firms than the Dillinger Institute said the link between decreased cell use and safety still isn't clear because "Many drivers still use their hand-held phones, even where it's banned, and other drivers simply switch to hands-free phones, which doesn't help because crash risk is about the same, regardless of phone type.”

An Erie Police Chief said a regional or statewide ban would be more practical and easier to enforce than a law limited to the city of Erie.  "By creating pockets (where cell-phone use is regulated) all over this state or any state, you're going to end up with enforcement problems.  You're going to run across a number of people rolling across (municipal borders), and they're going to roll from one side to another and go from legal to illegal with no buffer in between."  If this happens you know you’ve done it right.  Confused public is easiest to fool and ignorance of the law (or its borders) is no excuse.

State Rep. Joe Markosek, of Allegheny County, D-25th Dist., the lead sponsor of a pending bill that would outlaw text messaging while driving, said he believes a statewide ban can be effective, and ultimately help save lives because more restrictions on activities in which people can take part means less ways they can hurt themselves.

A statewide law would help prevent a "chaotic system" of different local laws that could confuse motorists, he said.  "We have to make it as clear and non-complicated for the idiot masses to understand ... here's what I can and can't do," Markosek implied. "If we had this ... patchwork of different laws, it would be unfair to the public."

The biggest benefit of any regulation, either statewide or local, is increased awareness, Markosek said.

"Anytime you're dealing with changing behavior, it only works if the folks you want to change ultimately buy into the program," he said. "There are certain social habits that folks get into, and they're very difficult to break.  You have to pass as many difficult laws as possible and corral the sheeple into the direction you want them to go."

I personally agree with the ban 100% said this blogger.  I hate it when my life is easy and when I can do things like answer my phone and say “Oh, hi honey… what? We need milk before I’m 30 miles past the store? Alright, I’ll stop and get some.”  I much prefer being chased down, pulled out of my car, tazed, arrested, and fined huge amounts of money after being surrounded by 30 police officers who are enforcing cell phone bans instead of solving and preventing rapes, murders, robbery, burglary, muggings and the like.  I go on the same theory that current legislators and law enforcers use.  If you can’t manage to enforce the laws that are already in place and actually protect the people from things that are actually bad and already considered crimes, just make more laws and criminalize more things that are easier to “protect” the people from.  That’s the ticket!  Lowering the bar mutha-fuckas, lowering the bar.

I must say, I do agree that text messaging while driving is dangerous.  There’s no question that looking at anything other than the road while driving is not a safe activity.  Even if the phone is at windshield level, you’re still only seeing the road out of peripheral.  Talking on the phone while driving is still allows you to see the whole road even though it’s requiring you to think about more than one thing at a time.  The fact of the matter is simple.  It’s not the cell phone that is causing the problem it is the person.  Some people are simply too goddamn stupid to be driving period.  I would venture to say that 75 – 85% of people in the United States who have a license to drive have no business behind the wheel of a car.  Some people really are too simple or too stupid to do certain things and driving is one of them.

I don’t buy into that “you can do anything you put your mind to” idealism.  No, you can’t, some minds just aren’t suited to grasp certain tasks no matter how simple.  Some minds are even more simple than the most simple of tasks and many minds are more simple than even moderately simple tasks.  Driving requires concentration and critical thinking that many people just don’t have with or without a cell phone.  If you want to ban distractions in the car you would have to ban the very brain that resides in most people’s heads.  Why not ban car radios?  Radios in cars require station and volume changes, CD changes and other changes that required adjustments.  No more car radio.  Better ban eating in the car because that distracts the driver.  Better ban rear view mirrors because sometimes people adjust those while they drive which takes their mind of driving.  Maybe we should ban heaters and air conditioners in the cars because they require attention for adjustments sometimes.

No pets in cars because they are certainly a distraction.  No more talking in cars to other passengers because that’s no different than being on a hands free headset.  No more passengers in cars at all because their simple movement can be a distraction.  Let’s lower the speed limit again because if people are going slower they have more time to react if they get distracted and get into trouble.  Maybe we should lower that more because people are still getting hurt.  Cars are very dangerous; we had better go back to horse drawn carriages.  Are you beginning to see my point yet?  I fucking hate “lawmakers!”  I fucking hate “legislators!”  I fucking hate politicians!

You can’t protect people against everything.  Some shit just happens to have inherent risk involved.  Driving is one of those things.  I think the unwillingness of the people to stop using cell phones in cars is a pretty good indicator of the general willingness to accept the risk.  Aren’t our “Democratic” governments supposed to be here for the will of the people?  That would imply the “majority” of the people and not the minority of busy-bodies who want to impose their will on everybody else for whatever reason they’ve chosen today.  For those of you who don’t like that, too goddamn bad, you’ve been outvoted, stay in your house and cower in your panic room for the rest of your life.

It isn’t the cell phone it’s the stupidity and you cannot legislate stupid… Yet.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Racist Swiss Racists Are Irrationally Afraid of Peaceful Religion of Peacefullness

Switzerland... formerly known for the army knife and apathy, now taking a different route.  Those crazy intolerant Swiss are being racist.  Racist against the religion of peace.  Islamic nations (who are famous for their own tolerance and rationality) reacted with anger to a shock vote to ban new minarets.

The Vatican joined in the dhimmitude by expressing dismay after Sunday's vote for a constitutional ban on the construction of towers attached to mosques, while the government moved to assure Muslims it was not a rejection of their religion.




It is apparent that the Vatican’t is still unaware that Islam is still intent on converting, subjugating, or killing all Christians.  They do want that land back that they once stole and then had re-stolen from them during The Crusades.

Several super awesome countries well known for their own tolerance of other religions and ideals.  Egypt, Indonesia, Lebanon and other Islamic countries while Pakistani religious groups condemned it as "extreme Islamophobia."

It is a shame that the Swiss are so irrationally afraid of this wonderful religion and the gigantic, towering phallic symbols that they like to build to overshadow everything and show Islamic dominance over everything.

Did you know that no structure is supposed to be built higher than any mosque nearby?  It’s a good rule, I think it’s fair considering that when Christians want to build new, big churches in Islamic countries, the Muslims always happily allow it and usually they even donate help and money…  Oh, wait, you say that they don’t?  Alright, maybe they don’t, but at least they allow Christians to fix up churches that are already in place and damaged or run down or things like that.  Oh… They don’t allow that either?  I don’t know what to say now.

“Such an anachronistic referendum should not have been allowed to take place in these times," said Turkey's culture minister, Ertugrul Gunay.


In case the vocabulary happens to be questionable or too difficult for any of my readers, I will happily translate for you.


In good, old fashioned, simple, American English Mr. Gunay said: “how dare you inferior people attempt to prevent Islam from taking one unimpeded step after another to begin taking over your country piece by piece, law by law, thought by thought.  If you continue to impede our progress it is possible that we will never gain a population majority in this country and will therefore never get to implement Sharia and extort the mandated jizya (tax against non-Muslims) from you!  If you continue to fight our cultural takeover and continue to disbelieve that there are ‘moderate Muslims’ who just want to the right to practice their religion in peace then how will Islam ever gain the control needed to destroy your culture, rape your women and children, and turn your people into slaves like Allah requires?


Look at all the ‘moderate Germans’ there were during Hitler’s bid for power.  There were far more moderate Germans than ones who wanted to kill all the Jews and they stopped the radical Nazis from ever gaining the power needed to cause any issues.  Moderate Germans outnumbered the radical ones and kept World War II from having to occur.


It didn’t you say?  Oh, well, it could have!  It will this time, this time it's different!

The largest Muslim group in Indonesia, the world's biggest Muslim-majority country, condemned it as a religious "hatred" but urged a restrained response.  They then went back to administering the last of 100 lashings to the bare back of a woman who showed too much ankle in public and prepared to behead another for having a vagina.

"This is the hatred of Swiss people against Muslim communities," said Maskuri Abdillah, head of Nahdlatul Ulama which has 40 million members.  Most of whom are illiterate, irrational, and completely devoid of the ability to formulate a single syllable thought without the help of an Imam and their grand book of megalomaniacal rantings.

"They don't want to see a Muslim presence in their country and this intense dislike has made them intolerant," a spokes-caveman said.  It’s not like Muslims commonly blow things up, protest with implied violence, threaten, and even carry out murders of non-Muslims for things so simple as questioning Islam, or drawing a cartoon.  It’s not like that has ever happened and especially not like it continuously happens.

They just hate Muslims for their freedom to not have any freedom!

The imam of Switzerland's biggest mosque, in Geneva, meanwhile called on the Muslim world to "respect, without accepting" the outcome and to avoid abandoning ties with Switzerland.  Never you fear my Muslim brethren he communicated silently.  If we start quietly and calmly pretending to accept the infidel attempts to defend himself he will soon lose interest and go back to worrying about football and being oblivious to our attempts to undermine his society.  At this time we will begin slowly taking control again.  If you continue blowing shit up he’ll get suspicious and block our attempts.  Do not be violent because you idiots are ruining everything.

In an interview with AFP, Youssef Ibram nonetheless sharply criticized Swiss authorities for not intervening more forcefully in defense of forcing the Swiss in Switzerland to let Muslims do whatever they please at any expense to the Swiss before the referendum got off the ground.

The message was echoed by Farhad Afshar, who heads the Coordination of Islamic Organisations in Switzerland.

"The most painful for us is not the minaret ban, but the symbol sent by this vote. Muslims do not feel accepted as a religious community," he said.  For this it is possible that we will have to peacefully murder somebody and blow something up.

Muslims account for just five percent of Switzerland's population of 7.5 million people, and form the third largest religious group after the dominant Roman Catholic and Protestant communities.

A 5% population it just so happens is all that is required to get ones way in case some of you were unaware. If 5% votes for something and 95% vote against it, the vote gets passed.  This is because the Swiss are dirty pigs and Muslims are the holy people of Allah, even if they do look like flee-bags, smell like shit, and act like a hyperactive 3 year old having a temper tantrum because he cannot have the toy he wants.

The government rushed to assure the country's Muslims that the outcome was not a rejection of Muslim religion or culture and that the Socialist governmental structure would do it’s very best to convince the Swiss people that subjugation and dhimmitude are the way to go.  Foreign Minister Micheline Calmy Rey met ambassadors from Islamic countries to "explain."

Swedish Foreign Minister Carl “Asshat” Bildt, whose country holds the European Union presidency, called the vote "an expression of quite a bit of prejudice and maybe even fear" and "a negative signal in every way." He then turned around and finished the transaction with Allah's mindless minions for the soul of his country.

The Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) warned the vote had the potential "to create tensions and generate a climate of intolerance against Muslims."  We are all aware of the rules.  Intolerance against Muslims is not acceptable because it is mandated by Allah, Muhammad is his Prophet, pieces be of him, that it is the Muslims who are not supposed to tolerate us and not the other way around.

The secretary general of the Council of Europe, Thorbjorn Jagland, said it raised concerns of whether fundamental individual rights that are protected by international treaties should be subject to popular vote.  He then removed his trousers and happily presented his asshole to the Muslim delegation for the running of a train.

Swiss newspapers warned that the referendum had inflicted "spectacular damage" to the country's international standing.   All aboooaaard!  Express route to hell leaves in 5 minutes and if you aren’t on board it’s because you are Neanderthal and unenlightened!  Sink with us or we shall shun you.

The United Nations called Switzerland's ban on new minarets and deeply divisive, and the Swiss foreign minister acknowledged Tuesday the government was very concerned about how the vote would affect the country's image.

My question for my readers, and some of you may be able to enlighten me on this one.  Please, if you can answer then by all means do.  What does the United Nations do?  What positive contribution to anything does the United Nations make?  Why is the U.N. not simply a Union to protect the useless at the expense of the productive?  Why should any country that cares about it’s own well being not simply tell the U.N. to take it’s socialist bullshit and go fuck itself?  Please, I will be awaiting your responses with baited breath.

U.N. human rights chief Navi Pillay said Sunday's referendum to outlaw the construction of minarets in Switzerland was the product of "anti-foreigner scare-mongering."  There was no mention that the mongering of the scare was actually done by Muslims terrorizing shit.

The criticism from Pillay, whose office is based in the Swiss city of Geneva, comes after an outcry from Muslim (facist cuntbag) countries, Switzerland's European neighbors (socialist douchebags) and human rights watchdogs (miserable wastes of time, money, and resources) since 57.5 percent of the Swiss population ratified the ban.

The referendum doesn't affect Switzerland's four existing minarets which this blogger personally thinks should not escape the referendum.  It also doesn’t affect the ability of Muslims to practice their religion.  It only bans the towers used to put out the Islamic call to prayer which regardless of what Muslims like to believe, does not need to be heard by the other 95% of the people in Switzerland against the will of that 95% of Swiss simply so the arrogant and pushy religion of cuntbaggery can have it’s way.


Now, (Allah forbid) wealthy Muslim Arab turds tourists might think twice now about suicide bombing spending their money in Geneva and other Swiss cities, and the passive leftist neutral country's efforts to mediate in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict could also suffer.

"We are very concerned with this referendum. The reality of our societies in Europe and throughout the world is that each limitation on the coexistence of different cultures and religions also endangers our security," Calmy-Rey said during a meeting of foreign ministers of the 56-nation Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe.

"Provocation risks triggering other provocation and risks inflaming extremism," she added.  Again in plain English this would translate to “they’ve proven that they’re violent and if we don’t give in willingly and accept second class status then we will be forced to actually fight for our freedom.  Standing up for oneself is unacceptable and should not be tolerated in an enlightened country.  All Swiss persons may want to consider signing over your home to the nearest Muslim you can find now, and if your wife is hot, her too.  This will save time and effort in the end.”

I must say something.  Good for you Swiss citizenry.  Shame on you Swiss government.  Fuck you complaining-ass Muslims.  Stand up Western society.  Stand up, stand proud, continue fighting if you are already and take up the fight if you haven’t yet because it’s not just extra shade you’re going to gain if you give in.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Starbucks, Fighting Lost Causes Since... Who Cares?

Did you know that on December 1st, for every purchase you make at Starbucks, they will contribute 5 Cents toward fighting AIDS in Africa?  That's pretty awesome!  Seriously, with that sort of contribution, AIDS should be totally erradicated in Africa by next week.  I bet they take all of their medicine exactly on time and as directed too, so there isn't any creating of fucked up, drug resistant versions of the disease. 

Now if we just just get those wonderful Africans convinced that their penis cannot be stolen by way of a handshake, we would be truckin'!

I know where I will not be purchasing anything on December 1st.  I'm still hoping they'll all die off to be honest with you.  "Oh, that's so mean!" you might be thinking.  Maybe, but you can look, I've never claimed to be nice.  That, and they serve no purpose except to cost the world a lot of time and money.  Some causes are simply lost, Africa is one of them, accept it and get over it.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Idiot President Intends To Fix Afghanistan

Signaling an imminent decision on Afghanistan troop levels, President Barack Obama said Tuesday he intends to “be clear” and "finish the job.”  The terrorists do not yet have complete control again and President Obama intends to ensure that the Kool-aid drinkers can blame Bush for an actual large scale loss instead of a drawn out win.

The president said he would announce his decision on how many additional soldiers to deploy to Afghanistan after Thanksgiving.  He said that he could not give more information but he hinted that he was thinking, 3, maybe 4 soldiers should do the trick.

"Let me be clear, I feel confident that when the American people hear a clear rationale for what we're doing there and how we intend to achieve our goals, that they will be roughly 49% supportive," he said.

Obama held his 10th and final war council meeting Monday night to assess his Afghanistan strategy in advance of his troop decision.  He commented Tuesday during a brief news conference with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who was at the White House for a state visit.

"It is in our strategic interests, in our national security interest to make sure that al-Qaida and its extremist allies cannot operate effectively in those areas," Obama said. "We are going to dismantle and degrade their capabilities and ultimately dismantle and destroy their networks.  Once we have done that, we are going to give them a green card and a welfare check, and move them to America where they can enjoy blowing up infidels practicing their peaceful religion in peace."

Mr. Obama then stopped, adjusted his head, and used his gigantic ears to fly away.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Afghanistan Looks To Supply The Newest (And Best) Olympic Sport

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Haji Abdul Rashid has big plans: corporate sponsors, television rights and beyond.  It’s a brand new sport that is sweeping the world, East, West, North, South.  Well, not quite the West, or the South, and maybe not the whole North, and just a little of the East.  Actually, truthfully, it's just Afghanistan.

"We want it to become an Olympic sport," says Rashid as he fires his Ak-47 into the sky in excitement.  Hadji heads the Buzkashi Federation and he is amped that his sport, the sport of Buzkashi, can finally thrive.  What in the name of Jesus Herbert Walker Christ is Buzkashi you might be asking?  Indeed!  Buzkashi is the most bad-ass new game on the planet.  Move over rugby, American football, European football and basketball.  What could be more fast paced than chess?  What could possibly be more awesome than badminton?  What sport can be more gentleman oriented than lawn darts?  Buzkashi is the game you son of a motherless goat!  How can you not know this when Afghans have known it for decades!?

Buzkashi, which means "goat grabbing," isn’t the same kind of goat grabbing you would think.  Buzkashi doesn’t take place in the Afghan bedroom and the feet aren’t tied to prevent that always crippling kick in the dick.  This is a different sport altogether.  There really are no rules to this game because you simply cannot apply rules to awesome.  Awesome knows no bounds.

How do you play Buzkashi you’re probably wondering since I’ve failed to tell you thus far.  Let me tell you my friends.  Players, called chapandaz, we’ll just call third world nutters who don’t have jobs or any actual purpose in life.  They  gallop at nut-busting speeds across a desolate surface such as a dusty-ass field and they kick the shit out of each other from horseback while trying to wrench the carcass of some form of small mutilated livestock from the (cold, dead... if necessary) hands of their comrades.  And as you'll notice from the photo below, they do it wearing 80's style Russian tank crew headgear.  What could possibly be more fucking extreeeeeme!  Nothing... THAT'S WHAT!

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The game consists of two main forms: Tudabarai and Qarajai. Tudabarai is considered to be the simpler form of the game.  First you have find a goat or a baby cow (calf) the cuter and more pathetic looking the better.  You want to pick a sad-sac son of a motha with big dopey eyes.  When you find him you want to grab him and wrestle him to the ground, pull out your knife, and violently saw off his head while he makes the noises that baby cows make while they're being brutally murdered by the cousin of geico caveman.  Try not to get blood in your eye!  You can then give the head to your son if he's young enough because third world kids use them like teddy bears.  Be sure not to give it to your daughter because she is female and therefore only 1/4 of a human and not worth a murdered baby cow head.  Next you slice open his belly and let his blood flow like wine.  Yank out his insides and save those because they’ll be a tasty morsel later.  Finally, you will need to hack off his tiny legs at the knees, you may discard these, or attach a chain and make a sweet pair of redneck nanchuku.  If you’re truly a swinging dick you can fill the carcass with sand as well.  Soak it and let it fester in cool water for a day or two and let the fun begin.  Bitchin’!!  Try to hold on to your load because the game hasn’t even started yet.

Now, in the simple version you get on your trusty steed, I call mine Abu Hamzaa Bin Al Rasheed Ibn Dar Al Silver and you ride like hell is trying to conquer your anus.  You’ll want to scoop up the carcass and try not to tear your arm off or fall from your horse and shatter your spine while doing it because there are no doctors in Afghanistan you silly bastard.  This means you’ll need to slow from a full “bat out of hell” run.  Once you’ve picked up the corpse you just go like your life depends on it, in any direction until you get away from all of the other players, one of the other steals the corpse, or your horse dies of exhaustion.  One time, we started a game in Karachi and by the time I finally scored a point I was on the edge of Siberia.  That shit was intense!

If you’re really a stickler for rules.  For all of you fuddy duddy’s that need an actual purpose to the things you do, there is Qarajai.  In Qarajai you need the same carcass described above but in this version you won’t benefit by running all the way to Kazakhstan.   You must carry the body around a flag or marker at one end of the field, then dump it into a scoring circle the "Circle of Justice"at the other end.  No, really, it’s really called the circle of justice.

Don’t forget, no cheating, you can’t use meat hooks or cargo straps to hold onto the calf.  You can, however, carry a whip, in your teeth if you like, for thwacking your rivals in their cranium.  You can use the whip to thrash opposing horses and players.  You aren't really, technically, supposed to hit other players, but nobody really cares.  I’ve found that if you aim for the face it works best.  Opposing riders can’t get your goat if you whip out their eyes!  What do you mean that is a little extreme?  Nothing is too extreme in for the Moujahadeen!  Horsemen are frequently carried away and in their excitement they will bump, jar, pummel, and attempt to maim opponents. When they return, they are usually bruised or have broken limbs and some of the most extreme ones even come back dead.  Sometimes, they choose a site to play near a river and so that drowning their opponents can also be a possibility.  The Afghans play for very high stakes and take the game very seriously. It is not uncommon for riders to continue in the game with cracked ribs, broken limbs and various head injuries.  The only thing that isn’t allowed is actually shooting one another.  You’ll have to wait until after the match for that.

Buzkashi is often compared to polo. Both games are played by people on horseback, both involve propelling an object toward a goal, and both get fairly rough.  The only difference is that polo is played with a ball and Buzkashi is played with a rotting corpse.  Polo matches are played for fixed periods totaling about an hour; traditional Buzkashi may continue for days or until the carcass falls apart, or until the maggots an stench become unbearable, but in its more regulated tournament version also has a limited match time.  Also, in Buzkashi, galloping horses regularly spill off the field, sending terrified spectators running for their very lives.  Some games are played with 12-man teams; others are scored individually with hundreds of horses careening haphazardly around the field.

A single referee runs around the field with a megaphone trying desperately to avoid being trampled into a horrific, bloody, smear spot in the sand and to announce when a rider scores.  After scoring, riders are handed a cash prize, which they tuck into their tunics before riding back onto the field. On this day, the prize is the equivalent of about $80, but awards can be more than $1,000 for prominent matches.

Serious Buzkashi players train intensively for years.  I’ll ask you to take a moment now to join me now in my imagination land, and begin the training montage.  There is a man, he has a thick, black beard filled with fleas, a filthy white dish towel adorns his head, he sits atop an emaciated stallion with the Hindu Kush to his back, his eyes burn with the passion for his sport... well, his one eye does, the other was shot out by a Russian in the 80's... Eye of the tiger is pumping!  Slow motion gallop, others around him, none at his level.  He pictures good times had with his dead friend Apollo Bin Sultan Al Akbar.  Apollo used to be his biggest competitor but they became teammates and great friends until Apollo was killed in an unfair Match by the whip of Ivan Dar’im Al Drago.  He’s riding his horse up mountains carrying goats made of stones.  He’s doing roman chair sit-ups from the saddle of his horse.  He’s whipping a frozen carcass in a butcher shop.  He’s ripped, he’s ready, he’s 40 years old and looks like he’s 80.  He is going to take revenge on Ivan.

Alright, enough of that, back into reality.  That man is a master (called chapandaz).  Playing well also requires specially trained horses that know to stop still when a rider is thrown and to gallop forcefully when their rider gets hold of the calf. These horses can sell today for as much as US$10,000 to 15,000.  In case you aren’t sure, that is effectively 3 times the GDP of Afghanistan.  The riders may not own the horses they ride in competition. Most of the Buzkashi horses belong to men who can afford to buy them and hire trainers.  Who exactly these men are in Afghanistan has yet to be determined.

Winners are awarded prizes of turbans, cash or rifles.  Usually, the owner of the horseman also awards the horseman a prize, as his horse gains fame in victory. An adept horseman can generally get any horse he wants to use in an important Buzkashi match.  Many of the greatest players are swarmed by all the hottest groupies in the country as well... they are like rockstars.  Granted, all the groupies are men because women would have their heads smashed with rocks for acting groupie-like in Afghanistan, but still!

Buzkashi continues until a team is announced the winner. At the end of the game, a horse race is arranged which is known as 'paiga' . Horses used in paiga races are different from those meant for Buzkashi.  Some ride their mounts bare-back and others use a thin saddle blanket.  Younger boys are not allowed to participate in such races because race horses are not saddled. and if they die in a horse race then who will be left that is nieve enough to become the next generation of suicide bombers?

Buzkashi is undergoing a renaissance in Afghanistan since the Taliban regime was ousted from power by U.S. forces in 2001.  There are more games, players and spectators than ever before. Rashid says he has already contacted some Olympic officials.  Holy Horseshit Batman!  Olympic officials?  Could it be true?  Oh lord say that it’s true!

Once dominated by powerful warlords or tribal leaders, Buzkashi is attracting a new generation of businessmen who are using the game to meet contacts and get clients, explains Said Maqsud, who owns a Kabul-based security company that employs more than 1,000 people.  "That is a new concept," Maqsud says. "Now businessmen like me can be involved."  Nobody is quite sure what “business” this may be and whether it has anything to do with products other than poppies but that is another issue.

Rashid knows the game needs to be standardized to export the sport, played principally in Afghanistan and some Central Asian countries. Previous efforts to impose consistent rules have gone nowhere.  This confuses Rashid since it is well known that Afghans are so prone toward the tendencies to follow order and reason and to quickly adapt to, adopt, and follow the latest and newest trends to come about.  Afghanistan is, after all, known as the Paris of the Middle East. What?  What?  I’m actually being told that this is not what Afghanistan is called.  It could be though, or maybe it’s that Paris is turning into the Afghanistan of France.  Heh, oh well, anyhow.

"It's very violent," says Maqsud, who also has seven Buzkashi horses. "Animal rights activists wouldn't like it."  This blogger is sure that this shouldn’t really be a problem for Maqsud, since the Olympics are not really a large and/or widely publicized event that would be likely to draw the attention of animal rights types anyhow.

A spokesman for the International Olympic Committee, Mark Adams, said he was not aware of any overtures from Buzkashi officials. He said there might be concerns that the sport is not widely known and has no governing body that regulates it.  "I'm not sure it's a universal sport," Adams said.  For those of you who aren’t sure exactly what he meant, please allow me to translate.  First:

“There might be concerns that the sport is not widely known” = Nobody has a clue that your Neanderthal, third world, blood sport even exists and I’m not sure they wouldn’t be appalled if they did.

“No governing body that regulates it” = An unholy clusterfuck

“I’m not sure it's a universal sport" = You people are bloody nutters! This is never going to be featured on ESPN

Afghans love the game. On a recent Friday on the outskirts of Kabul, spectators begin arriving midmorning to watch a practice match. An old man sells peanuts from a wheelbarrow. A policeman sits on the hood of his car, his AK-47 across his knees.

The Taliban, tried to ban this “sport” along with pretty much everything else that might be misconstrued as “fun” did manage to fail at that.  It managed to thrive in the mountainous north, under the control of powerful anti-Taliban commanders.

Elsewhere in Afghanistan, the Taliban imposed a rule that prevented the use of a carcass, allowing only the skins of calves or goats stuffed with straw. The Taliban considered it sinful to kill an animal without using its meat. Buzkashi enthusiasts, such as Rashid, still speak bitterly of that era. The stuffed skins easily tore apart.

Recently, buzkashi played a role in the Afghan election. One of the game's largest patrons in Kabul is Mohammad Qasim Fahim, a vice president and a controversial figure because of his background as a notorious warlord. He sponsors many matches, which isn't lost on the audiences.

The game's recent boom in popularity gives Rashid hope that Buzkashi can attract a world audience.  He imagines exhibition games in Europe and big corporate sponsors. Rashid says players would even be willing to play with an artificial leather carcass if an international audience objects to a dead calf or goat.  This blogger is sure that Rashid has nothing to worry about.  The world is going to embrace the sport of calf carcass horse rugby just like it embraced Football.  There is some speculation that former Buzkashi player, bad-ass mercenary, and sometimes misunderstood Vietnam veteran, John James Rambo is being recruited to be the coach of the very first American team.

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When asked about this possibility, Mr. Rambo shot our correspondent in the face with an explosive tipped arrow.  Representatives for Mr. Rambo also had no comment.


And to those who complain about the game's violence, Rashid has a ready response: "What about professional wrestling? Why is that acceptable?"  That’s right Rashid, don’t you let them kill your dreams, you just keep on keepin’ on my friend.

The story that I butchered came from here.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Afghanistan's Problem? Taliban... No, Oppressive Religion... No, What Then?

It’s official, most Afghans view poverty, unemployment and government corruption as the main causes of war in their country, not the Taliban.  This according to a report by a leading aid group released on Wednesday.

After three decades of war, Afghanistan remains one of the poorest and least developed countries in the world.  It is also one of the most corrupt... unlike the rest of the “Middle East” and other Islamic countries.  Unemployment stands at 40 percent and more than half the country live below the poverty line.  This also makes no sense because there are surely plenty of companies are beating down the door to set up shop where Ak-47s are a fashion statement and a women’s skulls can be crushed with a stone for showing too much ankle.

On top of that, violence is at its highest levels since U.S.-backed Afghan forces toppled the Taliban in late 2001.  This also has nothing at all to do with religious zealotry.

The report, mostly based on a survey of more than 700 ordinary Afghans by British charity Oxfam, several local aid groups, and The Dillinger Foundation for Afghan Research found that: 70 percent of people questioned viewed poverty and unemployment as the main drivers of the conflict.  90 percent of people questioned, viewed livestock as acceptable sex partners as long as you marry them first.  Only 15 percent of those questioned were actually literate.  20 percent of of those questioned were actually high on opium at the time.

Nearly half of those surveyed said corruption and the ineffectiveness of their government were the main reasons for the continued fighting, while 36 percent said the Taliban insurgency was to blame.  When asked how government officials might focus their attentions more on being effective at governing and less on being brutally assassinated by the Taliban (without actually being brutally assassinated by the Taliban) nobody was quite sure.

The 704 respondents from around the country were allowed to give multiple answers on reasons for the conflict.

When asked for her opinion on the matter, a hippie director for Oxfam made several cliche and typical leftist excuses.  You know the ones, "The people of Afghanistan have suffered 30 years of unrelenting horror. Afghan society has been devastated.”

The man has been keepin’ them down!  You cain’t just rise up and learn to read when the man be keepin’ you down!

"Repairing this damage can't be done overnight. It will take a long time for the economic, social and psychological scars to heal ... Afghanistan needs more than military solutions," she said in statement.  The part she did not include in the statement was about how Afghanistan needs less religious solutions.  A 7-11 with some nudie mags might also loosen them up a bit. 

There are some 110,000 foreign soldiers in Afghanistan, 68,000 of them American, trying to quell a strengthening Taliban insurgency that has spread to previously peaceful areas.

U.S. President Barack Obama is in the final stages of being an incompetent turd who does nothing while military officials continue to request 40,000 more U.S. troops in order to attempt to save the war effort that Obama has allowed to fall into disrepair.. 

Ordinary Afghans are frustrated at the slow pace of development, endemic corruption and the inability of Afghan and international security forces to stop the violence.  Which is actually very similar to when a child becomes frustrated that he/she cannot stop going wee-wee in his/her pantaloons.  I would become frustrated too if you demanded my opinion on a question of astrophysics while the only training I had in it was watching others fail at the same question.

Despite the billions of dollars in aid poured into the country, most Afghans have seen few changes to their lives.  Which again has nothing to do with the fact that the majority of them don’t do anything except sit around, follow goats through mountains, and sit around some more.  ½ of them still refuse to report shady activities.  Afghanistan is an entire country of welfare recipients, they rely on aid for around 90 percent of spending.

After the Taliban, the reason most people gave for the continued fighting in their country was foreign interference, 25 percent of respondents saying other countries were to blame.  This is probably true, if you know anything about history, you’ll quickly see that Afghanistan has been a bastion of peace for hundreds of years.  Many different tribes and many different sects of the peaceful religion of Islam, all getting along perfectly.  Had the U.S. not stepped in, there would be an Ikea in every town and a Shariaburger on every street.  Oh the utopia that was lost because of those meddling infidel.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Abortion... But We Really Need To Protest Closer...

Allow me to first start off by saying that sometimes one must offend even their friends in order to keep proper harmony and balance in the world.  That having been said, I’m about to embark upon a subject that I suspect will net me some angry comments.  Abortion!  In order to lead into this subject, I think I’ll need to tell you a little story first.  Spin a wee yarn, build up to the point where you hate me.    I don't write to be liked though, I write to make a point about shit that pisses me off so here goes.

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I honestly can’t stand children.  Horrible creatures they are.  Children cost a fortune and anymore they’re often disrespectful little twats who grow up to be disrespectful big twats because most of you (not all of course) don’t know how to parent.  I can’t give you a fool-proof sounding board to find out if you are one of those people but I can give you one that’s close.  It’s a pretty safe bet that if you consider yourself “liberal” or “progressive,” you are probably also an incompetent parent and your child is going to be an intolerable cunt and I secretly hope (not so much anymore I guess) that he/she trips and falls onto the metro tracks.  If you are overly religious the same is probably likely.  In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t honestly value human life all that much.  We're really nothing more than animals, just like a cat, rabbit, or lion.  Many people aren't that much smarter than those animals either.


Now, before you jump to conclusions, not in a crazy, psychotic sort of way, in an apathetic, “chances are that I just don’t give a shit what happens to you one way or another” sort of way.  I know, not very nice is it?  Not at all, I don’t care though.  Many people are intolerable cunts who are going to end up having a negative effect on my life at some point so I just don’t feel bad when bad things happen to them.  I just don't care at all.  If you need an example... did you vote for Obama?  If you answered yes, there’s a good chance that until you prove otherwise, I'll consider you an idiot and maybe even secretly hope you get run over by a bus (again, not all of you... some of you honestly didn’t know what you were doing).

What is the point of all this you might be thinking.  The point is basically this: abortion doesn’t bother me.  Mainly because it isn't my body and therefore it really isn't my choice.  I can't remember being a fetus so I doubt the fetus is so worried about it.  In fact, if my girlfriend ever got pregnant and wanted an abortion, I would absolutely encourage her.   I don't believe the embryo is a baby or even a living thing other than an equivalent to a few skin cells. 

Another point is that I would make a shitty parent because I would name the child “Mr. Bojangles” and then ignore the child and do something more immediately gratifying.  “Why don’t you go dig a hole while I get another beer.”  No, really, I would, they irritate me with their neediness and lack of intelligence or ability.  To me, they’re simply a smaller, less educated, and completely useless version of an adult and I have no time for this at all.

Then there’s those baby creatures.  Oh Jesus H Christ, those things.  They shit all over everything, they scream constantly, and they make maddeningly irritating sounds even when they aren’t screaming, shitting, pissing, or puking on something.  They wake up at all unholy hours of the night and they insist that you get up as well.  “Go the fuck back to sleep!  You can eat at breakfast time like every-goddamn-body else!  I have to work in the morning, unlike some people!”  They can’t walk so you’re forced to carry them everywhere.  They can’t take out the trash or do the dishes.  They’re not even any help with Jeopardy.  They might distract a panther if I were to be hiking with one at the time of a panther attack... but that would likely just get me in trouble so I’ll carry a partially thawed chicken instead.

Now, that having been said, would you want me to have children?  Would you want me teaching him/her everything I know?  Probably not... doesn’t make me wrong, it just makes you a smug cunt who thinks your ways are better than mine.  That’s alright though, I can appreciate that because I feel the same way.  I also feel the same way about others having babies.  My feeling is reinforced every time I see some stupid hippy asshole letting his/her children do whatever the fuck they want in public.  Climbing on shelves, standing by my booth in the restaurant and staring at me, throwing a fit, kicking my seat on a plane.

No, don’t tell your child “say hi, say hi, say hi.” I don’t want you child to say hi to me because they’re just going to be disappointed when I simply look the other way and ignore him/her.  I’m not going to indulge you or your child with so much as a smile.  Not everybody finds them as adorable as you do.  In fact, some of us are unsure that they are not a member of the same family of communicable diseases as Ebolavirus.  They are likely a carrier of several horrible diseases that I don’t want so control your child and keep them the hell away from me.

There are also the filthy-ass-greaseballs at Walmart or at the grocery store dragging 8 little dirtball bastard children along (who begin shoplifting at 3 years old) while she squanders more money that I paid her in welfare to support those little fucktards.  People who don’t want children but are too goddamn poor to buy condoms, too stupid to use them, or otherwise too retarded to prevent pregnancy time and again and again.  Accidents happen but not that goddamn many times and who would have sex with that anyway?!  For fucksake, that’s disgusting.  Abortion should not only be allowed but it should be required for many of these people.

My point is that some people shouldn’t have children, some people don’t deserve children, and for some people to even be near children should be a crime.  There are too many children being abused in foster care already.  There are too many children who aren’t getting adopted.  There are too many children in the care of biological parents who are incompetent or abusive.  There are just too many children.  There is also the fact that science proves that for quite some time after “conception” it is not an actual life anymore than a chunk of torn off fingernail would be.  The child does not become a child for quite some time but is instead a cluster of cells.  I look at it a little more harshly and I believe that if the child could not be born that day and live without assistance of medical devices then it is fair game for abortion.  No different than saying that god told me it’s a baby as soon as the spermy collides with the egg.  We’re all entitled to our opinion.

This story does, however, piss me off.

A federal appeals court has struck down an ordinance that created two types of buffer zones around medical facilities after a Christian legal group challenged the law on behalf of a nurse who protests abortions.

Which would be fine except for 2 things.  If you are a nurse you are fucking with God’s will to begin with.  All medical professionals are, and if they aren’t, they’re just doing absolutely nothing at all.  If go the God route, if he wants you to survive, you will regardless of intervention.  If God wants you dead and a doctor saves you, wouldn’t that be a bad thing?

There is also the minor detail of the fact that she is a nurse!  If you are a nurse it is not your job to decide what is or is not right, wrong, moral, or immoral!  If you are a nurse it is your job to do what the doctor you work for tells you to do.  I don’t get to decide which parts of my job I would like to do and which ones I would like to skip simply because I don’t like them.  I have to do my whole job, all of it, because that’s what they fucking hired me to do!  If I don’t I would get kicked the fuck out on the street and they would hire somebody who would do it.  This nurse should be no different.

In the ruling, court found the 2005 Pittsburgh ordinance unduly restricted protesters from passing out leaflets and participating in other forms of free speech. The Pittsburgh law bans protesters from standing within 15 feet of entrances but also makes them stand 8 feet from clients in a 100-foot buffer around entrances.  The appeals court found the zones violate the free speech rights of the protesters who find it difficult to hand leaflets to clinic clients.

So the protesters need to stand closer so they can pass out leaflets do they?  No, they want to be disruptive of the woman getting in to attempt to discourage it in the first place.  Nobody who isnt’t fully retarded thinks that passing out a fucking leaflet to a woman on the way into an abortion clinic is going to cause an epiphany and a change of mind.  I can honestly say that if some “protester” tried to shove a leaflet at me as I walked past, I would forcefully deposit that leaflet directly into his/her stomach.  If they want your religion and your

The court found that either zone by itself could be legal. The U.S. Supreme Court has already upheld a Colorado state law establishing a similar 100-foot zone and decisions by courts in Florida and New York to ban protesters from within several feet of medical facility entrances.

"This is an extremely important victory for pro-life speech. The court drew a well-needed line in sand," David Cortman, the Alliance Defense Fund attorney who challenged the ordinance, said Monday.

Previously, city attorneys have argued the two zones were necessary to accomplish complementary functions. The 15-foot buffer zone keeps protesters from blocking entrances, while the 100-foot zone keeps protesters from following or harassing clients as they approach the clinics.

Cortman's group, based in Scottsdale, Ariz., sued to challenge the ordinance in 2006 on behalf of Mary Kathryn Brown, a nurse from Indiana Township, a suburb of Pittsburgh. Brown has spent more than 15 years attempting to persuade women not to have abortions by speaking to them and handing out literature about the procedure's physical dangers.

But it agreed with Brown's argument that the two buffer zones combined with traffic noise sometimes prevent her from talking to women using the normal, conversational tone she believes is most effective. The 100-foot zone also keeps her from handing leaflets to women before they enter the 15-foot buffer around clinic entrances, she claimed.

It is hard to be a pain in the fucking ass from too far away, this is a fact.  Have we considered the physical dangers that psychotic right wing clinic bomber types might pose?  Not everybody protesting is rational and wants to talk instead of intimidate and/or cause harm.  The zones should stay for the sake of order and safety for all.  I have seen protests dealing with abortion and I’ve seen how rabid some of these pro-life nutters can get.

The simple fact of the matter is that people need to mind their own business.  It’s not you, it’s not your child, it’s not your life.  Take your religion, your god, do with it as you wish.  Feel happy and smug in knowing that you’re going to heaven and leave the rest of us heathins to do our own thing.  All you are doing is creating more molesters, drunks, addicts, serial killers, and other dregs of society by ensuring that more babies will be born unwanted and in many cases into families that can do nothing aside from fucking them up.

I would like to bet that there would be one hell of an uproar if Muslims stood in front of your church door, protested wildly, and tried to pass out shit and convince you of how much better Islam is and that your way is wrong.  Just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  One final thought because I’ve heard it so many times.  Not even in the case of rape.  If you believe that, I sincerely hope the next case is you, or your wife or daughter who gets pregnant as a result of rape.  Then we’ll see how high and godly you are.  We will then see if you can and how well you overcome that trial.  What is good for you isn’t always good for others.  Mind your own business and find something more useful to do with your time.


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Friday, November 13, 2009

Germans Give Weapons To Afghan Army... And I Predict

I love it!  Some may call me pessimistic, some might call me jaded, some might call me a jerk, some of you hardcore types might even call me crazy.  I call me realistic.

Afghan officials talked recently with the German Defence Minister about having Berlin supply the fledgling Afghan national army with heavy weapons.

The visiting German minister "pledged his country's commitment to helping Afghanistan," the Afghan ministry said.

Berlin has come under pressure, notably from Washington, to provide more troops with the Taliban-led insurgency now at its deadliest in the eight years since the 2001 US-led invasion toppled their regime in Kabul.

The mission is highly unpopular in Germany but Berlin is considering whether to increase the upper limit of its troop contingent in Afghanistan to 7,000 from the current 4,500, Deutschlandfunk public radio reported last month.

I think this is fanfuckingtastic.  Let's give them heavy weapons, lets give them tanks, lets give them long range ballistic missiles, let's give them nukes!  I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction.  I predict that it takes all of about 3 days for these new German supplied heavy weapons to end up in Taliban hands and being effectively used to kill allied soldiers.

Some of you may be historically educated enough to know that we tried this once in a decade called the 80's and they're still using those weapons against us today.  Yeah, I know, slightly different plot line but still essentially the same people governed by the same mentality and Islam NEVER changes.  That's why they still live in the dark ages.

Some of you may say "oh, but Dillinger, we have to help them fight the insurgents or they'll fail, and they can't fight the insurgents with inferior weaponry."  This is true, or mostly true, except for the fact that I would be willing to bet you that a rather large number of them actually are insurgents, or at least are helping and will continue helping insurgents from the inside.

They're going to fail.  They were never going to succeed, not under the rules of NATO and the U.N.  You can't fight with rules (hands tied) against an enemy that follows no rules.  You can't win by protecting (civilians) who may be militants who are using the population as a ploy to blend in while the population's religion prohibits them from speaking out.  This is an unwinnable war, ask the Russians.

This is where some I lose even some of you who follow me and already know how I think.  We shouldn't have gone over there in the first place, it's that simple.  No civilized strategy can defeat an uncivilized enemy.  We should have dropped several nukes on them as a warning and then left them alone to continue destroying each other just like they've done for thousands of years and gotten so good at.  "Hearts and Minds Campaign" is one of the most laughable piles of steaming horseshit they've fed us in a long time.  Sure there are peaceful people there, but they are afraid of the Taliban and they aren't afraid of us. 

The Taliban creates destruction and death and they know we aren't willing to do everything it takes to defeat them.  Mark my words, they only way to win this war is for the population to realize that it's going to be far worse if they don't support us 100% than if they do.  We should have gone in with a true "shock and awe" mentality.  As much destruction as we could muster as quickly as we could muster it.  The insurgents know we won't and these weapons will come back to bite us in the ass.

War isn't supposed to be nice and peace that is forced isn't peace.  History shows us that their views, beliefs, and general lifestyles do not allow for peace.  I agree with this guy, if you can't separate the good apples from the bad ones you have to assume they're all bad eventually.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

An Officer and A Retard... and A Murderer

I've tried really hard to just leave this story alone.  It seems as though every other blogger has covered it and a few have covered it well.  Everything that needed to be said has already been said... except what I'm going to say.

These are all quotes from a story I just read.

Nidal Malik Hasan's overly zealous religious views and strange behavior worried the doctors overseeing his medical training.

Doctors and staff overseeing  Hasan's training viewed him at times as belligerent, defensive and argumentative in his frequent discussions of his Muslim faith (not as if that fits the fucking mold or anything) a military official familiar with several group discussions about Hasan said.

Hasan was characterized as a mediocre student and lazy worker, a matter of concern among the doctors and staff at Walter Reed Army Medical Center and the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences, a military medical school in Bethesda, Md., the official said.

The concerns about Hasan's performance and religious views were shared with other military officials considering his assignment after he finished his medical training, and the consensus was to send the 39-year-old psychiatrist to Fort Hood, the official said.

Fort Hood, one of the country's largest military installations, was considered the best assignment for Hasan because other doctors could handle the workload if he continued to perform poorly and his superiors could document any continued behavior problems, the official said.

So let me just  just sum that up.  He's a psychologist, lazy, a shitty student, an argumentative douchebag who nobody likes... some might call him a dick, he makes others uncomfortable talking about violence, he's a member of a religion that is known to be violent, he has ready access to guns, he's known to have had contact with radicals.
So after after all this, they just pass him off somewhere where they know others can pick up his workload for him and hopefully clean up any messes he makes.  GO ARMY!

It's no wonder we're losing winning (they tell me so) the war on terrorism with that kind of brilliance running the show.

I must ask you all, in all seriousness, can you not see the stupid in his eyes?  Can you not feel the "Derrr" emanating from the photograph of him.  I really would like to know what his actual IQ was because by looking at the guy, my first thought it that he's slightly retarded and instead of being taught to shape warp minds of other soldiers as a psychiatrist, he should have been cleaning shitters.  How does a retard become an officer in the greatest military in the world?  How does the greatest military in the world stay that way (or for how long) when it makes officers out of retards?  I'm going to let you all think very hard about those two trick questions.  I have an answer in mind, I'm curious what you think.

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Are You A Bed Wetter?

This video is a bit old but I found it and thought it was funny. Maybe not so much funny, but a basically spot-on accurate call made by Dick Armey.


If she hasn't wet the bed in "weeks" she's about due. "Keep it from killing thousands and thousands of people" she says. Thousands and thousands? It's the goddamn flu, not Ebolavirus. Ooooohhhhh boogey boogey boogey be afraid! You should be more afraid of the H1N1 vaccine than the disease itself. Just to be safe, you better stock up on duct tape, plastic sheeting, and little paper face masks! Oh, and that game just looks fucking stupid.