Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Iran Gives The West Another Big "Fuck You"

And the West continues to sit with its thumb up its ass.

Iran has successfully test-fired a long-range, upgraded Sejil 2 missile on Wednesday, state television reported, a feat that can be likened to a child with severe autism acquiring a 5 gallon bucket containing ricin.  In their typical moronic, liberal, way, Western sources are now beginning to pretend they are somehow surprised by this and some even suppose that it might cause tension with Iran.  Others suspect that concerns will quickly turn back to more pressing matters like what is that kooky Kanye West up to this time!

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said the launch was of serious concern to the international community and underlined the case for spreading assistance checks and possibly handing out council estates to Iranian officials so they will be more likely to mill about, drink too many Stellas, and stab pensioners instead of blowing up countries.

Iranian Defense Minister Ahmad “Dastardly Dan” Vahidi said the test was part of efforts to boost Iran’s abilities to annihilate infidels with extreme prejudice.

Al Alam, Iran's Arabic-language satellite television, said the two-stage, solid fuel Sejil missile had a longer range than the Islamic Republic's Shahab model.  It continued to say that President Ahmadinejad’s penis was 16 inches long by 12 inch circumference, his cars were all faster than yours, he can solve a rubiks cube in under 3 seconds every time, and his father can beat up our father.

Iranian officials failed to hide their throbbing boners as they said the Shahab 3 missile can reach targets up to 2,000 km (1,250 miles) away. Such a range would put Israel and U.S. bases in the Gulf within reach.

The missile test coincides with increased tension over Iran's nuclear program, which the West willingly stood by and allowed because there are giant dripping cunts without even a single hint of the balls needed to actually stand up for themselves and for their very survival even when the threat is obvious and loudly outspoken in intention.  Iran, with winks and nods to one another, stated, “no, we simply want to enrich uranium so that we can have power to run air conditioners better.”

Neither Israel nor the United States have ruled out military action if diplomacy fails to resolve the dispute. Iran has vowed to retaliate against any attack.

Meanwhile, Israel is standing by waiting for the pussy Obama to say “it’s alright to defend yourselves” and Obama is waiting for somebody to change his sopping wet pad so he can concentrate on even more effectively erasing any technological advantages the West may have against the willingly “martyred” Muslim nutters who are diligently plugging away at their favorite hobby... which happens to be devising ways to kill infidels with common household products you can find in a household in a shitty fucking country trying desperately to climb out of third world status despite the ridiculous constraints imposed by it’s morbidly oppressive and ridiculous, and almost laughable (if it weren’t so goddamn dangerous) religion.

State television showed a missile launched from desert-like terrain soaring into the sky with a long vapor trail.  It then showed President Ahmadinejad clutching his missile and giggling like a school girl.

"Iran successfully tests optimized version of the first non-camel transported Sejil 2 missile," it said in a breaking news headline.

Vahidi said the missile, which he said was developed by the only Iranian scientists that they haven’t killed because science is incompatible with Islam, needed a shorter launch time and was even more accurate than throwing stones at the heads of women, state television said.

The test came a day after the U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that they’ll use to threaten to but will never actually use to impose sanctions on foreign companies that help supply gasoline to Iran.   This is a measure lawmakers (liars elected by nieve public) pretend to hope will deter Tehran from pursuing its nuclear work.

Iran has repeatedly shrugged off the impact of such punitive measures, that include three rounds of limited U.N. sanctions since 2006 because all they need is the capability to wipe Israel off the map and blow up a few U.S. cities and they’ll finally get those portly and sweaty, unibrow-having “virgins” that Allah promised them.  They just want something to have sex with that doesn’t have 4 legs and spit at them... can you blame them.

In Copenhagen, Britain's Brown said after meeting U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon: "I have expressed to him and he has also expressed concern about the test of a long-range missile by Iran.  With that circle jerk complete, Brown flew back to continue perpetuating the decline of his once great country while General Blanket Who-Gives-A-Shit continued to be almost as useless like the organization he is a part of.

"This is a matter of serious concern to the international community and it does make the case for us moving further on sanctions ... We will treat this with the seriousness it deserves."  When asked what that meant, General Blanky Poon said the West will continue to talk semi-tough, threaten things they don’t plan of following through with, repeatedly mention how peaceful Islam is, and basically ignore the issue until it hopefully disappears.  If the situation gets bad enough, a few peacekeepers will be sent to get shot and retreat.

In September, Iran test-fired missiles which a commander said could reach any regional target. The White House branded those tests "provocative" let out a tiny poo in it’s collective White House pants.
Washington suspects Iran is trying to develop nuclear bomb capability and has previously expressed concern about Tehran's missile program.  Iran says its nuclear work is solely for generating peaceful electricity and then several officials peacefully used a large rock to smash the skull of a woman who was buried up to her waist in the street for not having dinner ready when her husband returned from Jihad training camp.

Earlier this week, diplomats said intelligence (a term we use loosely) suggested that Iran worked on testing a key atomic bomb component as recently as 2007, a finding which if proven would clash with Iran's assertion its nuclear work is for civilian use which Western officials are trying very hard to believe just long enough to get us all killed so they’ll get reelected up until the very last election.

Iran's Foreign Ministry rejected the claim as "baseless" and as Westerners we know for a fact that all people are always good and Islam is the religion of peace which would never lie to us.

On Tuesday, Israeli military intelligence chief Major-General Amos Yadlin said: "Iran is striving to improve it surface-to-surface missile capability. It is developing missiles propelled by solid fuel and is expanding their range to other continents."  On Wednesday President Obama offered to sucky sucky fi dolla for three prominent Muslim officials and groveled at the feet of two more while he massaged the bunions of an Imam, bowed to a Chinese official, and at the same time laid his jacket over a mud puddle so a Somali Warlord didn’t soil his shoe-less feet.

The United States and five other major powers said on Tuesday that a planned meeting on Iran's nuclear program will not take place this year because they would prefer to pretend the problem is not there and hope that Iran gets bored and moves on to Kite flying instead.

When Ahmadinejad was asked about further sanctions against his country if he didn’t stop his activities he simply laughed, said “Russia will sell us their very soul for bargain bin prices so the West can threaten all they want.  Soon, Allah will judge us all so the West can shit in one hand and wish in the other.”

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