Monday, March 23, 2009

Doggie Poo Dollars?

I often wonder how some things end up as news. This is one of those things.

APEX, N.C. – A North Carolina family's dog didn't eat the children's homework, he ate mom's money. Kelley Davis said she had an extra $400 in cash to deposit after working extra hours as a physical therapist. She told the News & Observer of Raleigh that on Friday she planned to deposit the money, but it wasn't in her pocket. She remembered leaving it in the bedroom and it occurred to her that the family's 2-year-old greater Swiss mountain dog, Augie, might have eaten it.

Not The Dog In Question But Instead A Questionable Dog.

Davis, 42, said when she took Augie for a walk Saturday, she found parts of three $100 bills and five $20s in his leavings. She washed them with a garden hose and hopes to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash. A professor at the North Carolina State University Veterinary School said the money shouldn't hurt the dog.

How does this become news? Did this idiot call the local news station and say "I've got some front page shit for you... guess what my dog done did!?" I would have been more likely to pump Augie's stomach with a shop vac rather than wait for him to drop a deuce. I find dog people hilarious. I will not own a creature that eats things like oh, say $400 for example, drools on everything, thinks anything that runs is the enemy, and requires that I place my hand in a used grocery bag to pick up it's still steaming turds.

I find dogs to be mostly contemptible creatures of little value except maybe specially trained ones. It is really funny to see a German Shepard attacking fleeing perpetrators. I actually hope this lady does not find and hose off enough pieces to get the money replaced. Why the hell should the money be replaced, it's her own stupidity. This should be considered a stupid tax and ignored. If I took my Michael Jordan Rookie card and ran it through the blender then took the pieces and asked for a fresh new one I wouldn't get it now would I? Neither should dumbass.

First of all if you're stupid enough to leave $400 where the dog (who probably is prone to this sort of thing rather than it being a new hobby) can eat it, then you deserve to lose it. Second of all if you are willing to pry apart turds and rinse off pieces of bills in a garden hose then I don't want you having the extra money to save so you can afford things like being able to afford to reproduce.

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