Touch That Cigarette and You Get No Virgins!

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) – Muslims who smoke and try to portray themselves as pious are worse than cows which defecate in the street, a top Malaysian Muslim cleric and politician said.

"...a cow which defecates in the middle of the road, (we) cannot take legal action against it because it has no brain and cannot think," said Nik Aziz who is the spiritual leader of the country's Pan-Islamic Party (PAS).

No brain!?!? I should think that a cow with no brain couldn't think! I'm writing a letter, my biology professor totally lied to me.

"But human beings, who have brains, for them to do something which is wrong in religion ... when they are in an attire which symbolises Islam, they can be regarded as being more despicable than cows," he said Friday, according to Malaysia's state news agency Bernama.

PAS is one of the three parties in Malaysia's opposition alliance led by former deputy prime minister Anwar Ibrahim.

Nik Aziz said that smoking was forbidden by Islam.

Recently, Indonesia's top Islamic body passed a fatwa or ruling banning smoking. Malaysia's top Islamic body has also banned smoking.

Despite the ban in Malaysia, where over half the population of 27 million is Muslim, 50 percent of the male population smokes according to World Health Organisation (WHO) data.

Pretty much everything fun seems to be banned by Islam. No drinking, no smoking, no women in skimpy clothing, no sex. It's no wonder the motherfuckers run around and blow themselves up like suicidal lemmings. What the fuck else have they to do? Can nobody see this? Is it not obvious that maybe if haji got a little sucky sucky once in a while he wouldn't be so goddamn pissed off? Maybe if haji could get lit and exchange the herp with a stank ho at night he wouldn't have time to build bombs. If my woman was a sweaty beast covered in 40 yards of black tarp looking like the yin to the yang that is the grand dragon of the ku klux klan I'd be bitter too.

For fuck sake, what else can the Imams take from these sorry sons of bitches. I'm guessing it should be next that any Muslim who has a nose cannot be pious and is no better than a pig who fucks another pig while shitting in the street. Is anybody else aware that the world used for virgins in the Koran may have been mistranslated and may in fact have meant "white grapes" instead of women who have no idea how to please a man?