Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Stupid Coworker of The Day

Today one of my lovely coworkers decided to come to work diseased. I love when people who are supposed to be intelligent, I stress "supposed to be", and I use "intelligent" very loosely, decide to come to work with fucking contagious diseases! "But Dillinger, you're probably overreacting" many readers may be thinking. "People go to work with colds and such all of the time". This is true, who wants to burn a vacation day for a little cold if they don't have to. I can get with that reasoning, it's only a cold after all. What I can't get with is when you come to work with an oozing, puss filled eye socket! Conjunctivitis... (pink eye).


This shit is highly fucking contagious and this fucking idiot shows up to the office wandering around and trying to infect the rest of us. This is what happens when sick days and vacation days are one in the same. Even if you get the same amount of days total, sick days should be a separate thing. This would discourage idiocracy in people who are prone to it. She "needs her days for her summer vacation". You know what... fuck you and your vacation! It took until nearly noon before the boss caught on and made her ass go home.

In the mean time, she touched everything in the goddamn copy room in between bouts of spastic eye rubbing! I SHIT YOU NOT (we watched her)! So now that she's spread her disease on every fucking thing that the rest of us have to use (i.e. copier, fax machine, staplers, etc.) it's a little late to send her stupid ass home. This makes me happy that I'm a little OCD about that sort of crap and I carry a bottle of purell everywhere. I used nearly the entire bottle because every time I touched anything outside my cube I used it again. My hands may be dry and cracked but I'll be goddamned if I'm catching that shit!

If I do catch that shit, I think it should be perfectly acceptable for me to sucker punch said coworker right in the other eye. This is proof of why a democracy cannot work. The majority of people in our society aren't smart enough to know what is good for themselves let alone what is good for the majority. I also blame this on children. This disease was ultimately brought on by one of these heinous creatures. They are left at day care with a gaggle of other vile little beasts and they trade epidemics through the day and then they bring it home to their parents. From there, the moronic parents drag it to work with the rest of us who haven't ruined our lives with these cursed spawns of satan and they pass it on to us.

I think what it comes down to... what I'm really trying to say, is really a quite simple message. If you get some contagious shit do not show your sickly ass up to work and give it to me. Somebody in my office is always sick and it's always the ones who have children. If you're going to ruin your life with diseased children I don't think I should have to suffer as a result. I don't care about your precious vacation days, keep your plagues to yourself and keep your ass at home!

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