Wednesday, August 5, 2009

In The News, Russia Is Attacking!

Oh Shit! Run! Hide! Get the plastic, get the duct tape! Jesus Christ, we're all going to die! Everybody panic, the Russians have submarines and they are in the ocean! They're in the same ocean that the United States is in!

Well, no, they aren't right off our shores, what does that have to do with it? Well, no, they're something like 100 miles away but still!

So yeah, that's great, the Russians are cruising in one of the 5 submarines they have left that aren't rusting hulks sitting in an abandoned base in Mirmansk. A country that size is bound to own them and they're bound to use them. We use them, we do that. Yeah, sure the Russian leadership is corrupt as fuck and maybe even slightly evil but I'm pretty sure they know better than to start a nuclear war.

Think about it, what do we have to fear, we may be hurting at the moment but we're still a superpower with the most nukes. You know that Russia knows, just like we do, that if they fuck with us, nuke New York or something of the sort, there will be dire consequences. Imagine it. Obama will get on a plane to Russia, make an appointment, wait dutifully in the waiting room for 3 to 4 hours, meet with and speak very harshly to Dmitri Medvedev about his irresponsible leveling of New York and Washington D.C. and then he will apologize for America causing the incident to occur. Then he will give Vladimir Putin a shiatsu and a happy ending.


Once Vladimir is satisfied that Obama is doing all in his power to prevent such future atrocities, Obama will return and boast about how diplomacy always comes out on top.


It was predicted then, and it's holding true now.


LL said...

Both boats (Akula I and Akula II Class) are "attack" type submarines. The real news is that for the first time in about three years, the're able to deploy this far from base in the Northern Fleet Area.

The Russian Navy is the focus of roughly 60% of the national budget at present. They want to be a player in the big game. As you mentioned in your blog, they have very few capable attack type submarines. The Typhoons (ballistic missile subs) are still operational and spend their time deployed under the ice cap. They are the Russians' nuclear deterrent.

I'm not suggesting that the Russians have a military agenda working against the US. They simply didn't want us to forget about them.

Dillinger737 said...

I agree. I think that is basically exactly what they're doing. A good chest puffing might be all it takes though to make the fairy princess president start apologizing and disarming in their eyes. On the other hand I'm sure they do have a military agenda against us. I just don't think they have the capability to do anything and they aren't going to start a nuclear war. They just want to throw some proverbial weight around.