Saturday, January 10, 2009

Random Thoughts on A Snowy Sunday

This weekend I have been totally left on my own to attempt to entertain myself. I should be used to this by now because I managed to do it for a couple of months straight up until November. As it turns out, I am still unable to function on the solo and at the time manage to produce positive thoughts about a whole lot of things. This holds especially true in the light of my recent unnatural levels of happiness when I'm around a certain individual who shall continue to remain unnamed to protect the innocent. Point being, I have done absolutely nothing productive since Friday. If you want to pick at details I really haven't been productive for over a month but this weekend I have reached new levels. I slept in until noon on Saturday and until 1:00 pm today and yet I just don't give a shit, what the fuck else have I to do? I did manage to venture out onto shitty roads that look like this.


Because PennDOT is the most useless pseudo-state government entity on the face of the planet. If these people managed to ever accomplish anything at all in a less than slack-ass manner, the pure shock would send me into convulsions. It's good to know so much of my tax money goes to keep our roads in such fucking pristine condition. Fuck off PennDot... oh wait, you already are.

Anywho, I went out to get some food because it turns out that no matter whether my laziness reaches Department of Transportation levels or not, I still have to eat. Fortunately there was nobody else on the roads during this particular trip and therefore I could still manage to keep to the actual posted speed limits. This seems to be a constant irritant for me. No matter what the roads look like there is nothing that sends my insanity, and blood pressure soaring like driving 17 mph for 20 miles in a 45 mph limit zone. I'm really quite sure that there should be a rule. If you cannot keep up speeds withing 10 mph of the speed limit (no matter what the weather) then it is obviously beyond your driving skill to be out at all and you should be given a citation for being on the roads and causing a hazard with your less than acceptable driving skills. This is Pennsylvania you fucking morons, if you are going to drive like you've never seen snow before then go the fuck back to your house and kill yourself or something but don't drive at a goddamn walking speed and make my trip 2 hours longer than it should be!

Another gripe I have is about two lane highways. There is a rule in this state, actually I'm pretty sure it's a rule in most states. This is not an unwritten rule either, I've seen the signs recently from Pennsylvania to Maryland down to Virgina, I've seen them in New York as well.


I still cannot manage to fathom what must be going through the heads of most of the drivers on the goddamn roads all the time. Apparently some people need to be forced to take their fucking drivers tests again because they just cannot manage to either grasp the rules, or a sense of common goddamn decency. If you're one of these people I'm going to tell you a little secret that is obviously very difficult for most people to remember. The LEFT LANE is the fucking PASSING LANE! Let me repeat that... The LEFT LANE is the motherfucking PASSING LANE. What the left lane is not, is the driving at the same speed as the rest of traffic lane. If you would like to travel no faster than the people in the RIGHT LANE then get in the goddamn right lane! I cannot stand assholes who do this and it just makes me want to ram them into the guiderail like an unruly redneck nascar driver.

Canadians in the United States seem to be particularly bad at grasping this rule. I see Ontario plates driving in the left lane on I-79 like it's their goddamn job. If you cannot learn to drive properly on our roads take your frozen ass back to Canada you fucking retards. It's not just Canadians though, it seems to be one out of every two drivers who act like they've never heard this idea.

Truck drivers are especially bad. These fucking slack-jawed ass-clowns will wait until they see a car screaming up on their six at nearly 3 times their speed and then they'll pull out into the left lane in front of them. It always seems to be up a hill as well. They pull out and proceed to attempt to pass another truck who's going 64 mph while they are trying to go 65. 19 miles later the fucking asshole finally gets by far enough that he can pull back in and meanwhile there are 976 cars piled the fuck up behind him. I would like to propose a rule that truck drivers don't get to use the left lane at all because as a whole it's quite clear that they cannot exhibit the common decency to use it properly without fucking over everybody else on the road.

I would just like to say that next time you're in your minivan cruising alone at 63 mph in the passing lane and you see a car following you so closely you can't see the front of it in your rearview, it is because you are a fucking retard. Get the fuck over to the right lane and stay there before somebody with just slighly less self-control than I follows you to a rest stop and punches you in the goddamn throat!

On top of the the shitty roads and my lack of motivation to do anything I tried to find other ways to entertain myself. Watching television seemed to work for a while but there didn't seem to be much of anything on. Mainly all I found myself doing was flipping channels, getting pissed off by idiotic commercials aimed at people with an IQ somewhere near that of a broken stapler, and then giving up and playing playstation. While watching the television I came across several issues that I can't help but wonder about so I think I'll address one right now.

The first issue is the 80's and more specifically actors in the 80's. I think the movie I came across was Beverly Hills Cop but I'm unsure. This film sucked so fucking bad I deemed it unworthy of the effort required to pick up the remote, hit the "Guide" button, and actually see what was the title of the piece of shit. One person in the film did stand out to me though because he does in every film I've ever been unfortunate enough to have been subjected to him.


Judge Reinhold... Who the fuck names their child this? This must have been the catalyst for the modern era of naming children the dumbest fucking shit that your tiny mind can manage to cook up. It's not solely the name that contributes to the uselessness of this man as an actor, it's also the goofy fucking half-retarded demeanor that he seems to carry with him to every character that he portrays. Judge Reinhold playing a cop is actually worse than Keanu Reeves playing an FBI Agent in Point Break and that performance can be likened to stepping in a huge, steaming pile of dog shit in ones bare feet.

You're then forced to stand there for two hours while it oozes and melts between your toes as the smell eminates upward into your nostils affecting your olfactory senses like a choke hold on your throat. How the hell did this guy ever get an acting job in a Hollywood film? I wouldn't put this fucktard in a non-talking role advertising pre-stained tighty whiteys let alone a film I wanted people to pay to see. Somehow he managed to sustain a career for a short time though and people did pay to see his movies and I will never manage to wrap my mind around that. Thank god his career died with the decade!

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