Fun Obama Consumer Goods... Consume Away Wit Ya Broke Ass

Can't seem to get enough of the pretender and chief? Wondering how you can be better sheeple? Trying to replace everything you own with crap baring the likeness of the president you only voted for because he was black, not because you know any of his political stances from your familiy's faulty genetics? So are half of the other politically retarded fuckups and slack-ass fucktards in this country who like thinking they are cutting edge, progressive, not racist, or going to receive something without working for it. If you fit this group here are some of the sweet new products out there to help you show your support for the president who's going to put our country a debt that will take 200 generations of goulag-like work ethic to recover from.

#1 On welfare? Can't wait to pick up your free cell phone at taxpayer expense so that you can start spending minutes talking to your girlfriend about the daytime soaps you're watching? Need to make a shady drug deal but no time to get to a pay phone? Don't forget to ask for the Obama phone, you aren't paying for it so be sure to get the best.



#2 Want to grow something besides marijuana? Get you an Obama chia, technically you can't smoke the shit but we know you aren't that smart and you'll get to fiending when you run out of weed. If you smoke Obama's fro and get sick don't worry that you don't have a job, taxpayers will foot the bill.



#3 Ever just need a black man all up in your festering snatch? That useless, no good, boyfriend of yours is out cheating with that trick-ass-ho again? The Dongbama never cheats and he won't knock you up AGAIN! He won't get you a bigger welfare check but he also won't give you the AIDS so go ahead and git yo groove on girlfriend! It's only 7.5 inches so be careful you don't lose it in there.



#4 Want to show what a fashion disaster you are? Want to add to stereotypes? Like to prove that you do only support Obama because he's black and no other reason? Go on now, get you the Obama fade. That shit is gonna cost you a pretty penny, even more than that platinum grill you sportin' but don't worry, you ain't pay for it anyhow.



#5 Want to celebrate not getting the AIDS? In the mood to celebrate your recovery from near death after smoking the Obama chia? Just need to get out to show everybody that you be drinking the Kool-aid wit yo new fade? Just want to celebrate the impending free ticket to America for the entire African continent. Get ya ass down to Hargeisa, Somalila and get some soul food freebie style.



#6 Obama's election didn't make you sick, despite the complete lack of experience and numerous bad decisions? Never you fear, throw some Obama Hot Sauce on your tv dinner and go on worshiping your Obamessiah shrine without worry because you'll have explosive diarrhea in no time.



#7 Like wasting money that you didn't earn on shit you don't need? Oh yeah, we know you do. Don't mix your Kool-aid with that shit out of the tap, get you some special Obama water. Nevermind you sleep on a stained mattress with a family of cockroaches, you don't need to drink anything but the best.



#8 Dream of having the Obamessiah snuggle your happy bits? Too bad, he's already got an uppity wife with the fashion sense of a renegade librarian so you're shit out of luck son. Just because your messiah won't cup your balls personally doesn't mean you can't have the next best thing and stick your dick in Obama's likeness.



#9 If all of the rest of those wonderful products still don't seem like good ideas I have one for the rest of you. I personally am going to stock up on enough to last at least the next four years. Don't settle for regular shitter paper. For the finicky shitter who only wants to wipe their ass with the best, you'll want to be sure to wipe your ass on Obama's face.