Friday, April 17, 2009

GM Government Backed Warranty & Auto Repair... Our Prayers Are Answered!

Thinking about buying a GM or Chrysler automobile? Concerned about what will happen to the warranty if the big U.S. auto-makers go bust? Never you fear, President Messiah has something to say to you!

This is the greatest thing I've ever heard! I love American automobiles because of their amazing reliability! I would never own one of those stupid Japanese manufactured cars that run forever with minimal maintenance, what fun is that? Always knowing my car will get me where I want to go simply has no element of surprise and surprise is the spice of life. I want a car that I know will kick the shitter on a regular and totally unpredictable basis!

I want a car that I know was assembled by spoiled, overpaid, union employees who get 17 breaks a day and barely pay attention to their job when they aren't on break. This is how I choose my car. I simply ask, did the man who connected my battery cable to the alternator make $43 an hour to do just that 3 times in each 8 hour shift (with 4.75 hours of break time in between of course)? If they tell me yes I say "SOLD!!".

When my awesome new car craps out 4 months into it after driving a whopping 2,000 miles I do the natural thing, I look for a repair shop. Not just any repair shop do I seek out, no sir. I shop around. I ask questions, I grill them. I want the repair shop that costs the most money even with a warranty. I look for the repair shop with the most unkempt employees who generally lack any knowledge including how to properly tie his or her shoes.

I look for exceptionally unfriendly sales staff. I look for mountains of paperwork. I look for long, long waits, I love waiting rooms, especially for hours at a time, on my only day off. I want to know I'll pay out the ass, wait forever for repairs, and when I finally get those repairs, they will be half-assed at best. Knowing I got taken for a ride helps me sleep at night... like a baby! Well now I'm in luck. I suggest you get on board. Check out the very first commercial for government backed auto repair.

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