Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Limbless MMA Fighter - Asinine Endeavor of The Day

I have seen some dumbass shit in my time on this earth. This is honestly one of the most asinine things I have seen in a very long time... maybe ever. I know, bunches of you are probably going to hate me for this one, and say "what a dick" but you should be used to it by now.

Now on to the story. A man born without arms or legs was the first arm and legless man to fight in a mixed martial arts contest.


Seriously? You're fucking yanking my dick!? Who the fuck has been encouraging this guy? Now I'm as much for empowering the handicapable as the next guy but come-the-fuck-on?

The article claims he was a wrestler in high school and college but let me clear something up. Putting on a spandex wrestling suit (I haven't a clue what you actually call it) and skittering around on the mat for several minutes before another guy gets tired of trying to be p.c. and not simply destroying you in the first 3 seconds does not make you a wrestler.

Another busted ass news source said that Kyle Maynard lost a unanimous decision to amateur Bryan Fry. Fry kept his distance and simply landed jabs as Maynard tried to shoot in for takedowns.

Shoot in for takedowns? Good call random shitty news source. I prefer skittered, I saw the video. I know you're getting pissed that I'm making fun of handicapped people but I don't care so fuck off. I'm only making fun of handicapped people because disability or no disability, people need to know their limits. This "you can do anything you set your mind to" bullshit has simply got to fucking go. Trying to do some shit you simply aren't capable of doing is not only stupid but in this case it's dangerous. I would love to bench press 600 pounds but I don't have the physical ability and no matter how much heart I happen to have it would simply be retarded to attempt it.

"By keeping his distace, Fry did not allow Maynard to grab him physically and bring his considerable wrestling skills to bear." Grab him with what? What is he going to grab a fully grown man with? You cannot hold somebody who weighs 4 times what you do with two stumps I am sorry. Not for lack of heart once again I'm sure.

The other fighter is obviously a more socially acceptable man than I because he complimented the other fighter on his quickness and didn't simply kill him with a swift kick to the eye. What pisses me off even more is that I know full well that if the other fighter had kicked the fuck out of him there would have been all sorts of backlash toward him for it. People would have talked shit and I wouldn't doubt he would simply have trouble even getting matches because of it. That pisses me off because Terri the torso would be the one at fault for putting himself into that situation in the first place, not the guy who kicked the fuck out of him.

I can tell you what I would have done. I would have kicked a field goal with his face 2 seconds in and left him bleeding and unconscious on the mat with a valuable lesson in self awareness. This is simply fucking stupid. Not everybody can do anything they want, some kids are meant to sit the bench and some people are meant to supersize my happy meal whether it's what they dream of or not. Putting a limbless man in the octagon is like putting a 6 year old in charge of engineering a skyscraper.


"I'll bite your legs off!"

No comments: