Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sarah Palin Resigned!


That's good for Alaska, now if she'll just stay out of politics completely she might save the rest of us a headache in the future. I've picked some of the best parts of her rather erratic and mostly moronic explanation/goodbye speech but you can find the more complete version here.

Hi Alaska, I appreciate speaking directly TO you, the people I serve, as your Governor.

Good start... it's all down hill from here.

I want Alaskans to grasp what can be in store for our state. We were purchased as a territory because a member of President Abe Lincoln's cabinet, William Seward, providentially saw in this great land, vast riches, beauty, strategic placement on the globe, and opportunity. He boldly looked "North to the Future". But he endured such ridicule and mocking for his vision for Alaska, remember the adversaries scoffed, calling this "Seward's Folly". Seward withstood such disdain as he chose the uncomfortable, unconventional, but RIGHT path to secure Alaska, so Alaska could help secure the United States.

Great history lesson Sarah, I feel so much better knowing this.

Alaska's mission - to contribute to America. We're strategic IN the world as the air crossroads OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the continent. Bold visionaries knew this - Alaska would be part of America's great destiny.

Granted, this is the gate that NOBODY comes through... in fact, I think it's rusted shut.

Our destiny to be reached by responsibly developing our natural resources. This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, and oil and gas. It's energy! God gave us energy.

God apparently gave us oil and gas to fuel the helicopters we fly in clean air so that we can better shoot the shit out of the wildlife.

So to serve the state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that Alaska is of such importance, for America's security, in our very volatile world.

Because as we all know, all 43 people who live in Alaska serve to keep those damn Eskimos from overrunning the larger part of the continent.

We are doing well! My administration's accomplishments speak for themselves. We work tirelessly for Alaskans.

All 43 of them!

Here's some of the things we've done:

We broke ground on the new prison.

Bob... Alaskan citizen #37 needed someplace to live after he mugged a caribu.

She's been accused of apparently 15 ethics violations

They were mostly stupid when it comes right down to it but she says.

They have all been dismissed. We've won! But it hasn't been cheap - the State has wasted THOUSANDS of hours of YOUR time and shelled out some two million of YOUR dollars to respond to "opposition research" - that's money NOT going to fund teachers or troopers - or safer roads.

Troopers like the state trooper involved in the Troopergate Scandal?

And this political absurdity, the "politics of personal destruction" ... Todd and I are looking at more than half a million dollars in legal bills in order to set the record straight. And what about the people who offer up these silly accusations? It doesn't cost them a dime so they're not going to stop draining public resources - spending other peoples' money in their game.

Actually Mrs. Sarah I think it's quite important that these issues that you don't want coming to light do in fact come to light. Americans need to know EXACTLY who they're voting for if they vote for them. The vast majority of Americans aren't going to look for these things (or could they in many cases) in order to make an informed decision and it doesn't say much for them in some cases but it needs to be out there. Getting information out there costs money.

It's pretty insane - my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing our state now.

That's what happens when you become a player for the highest office in the country.

And there is such a need to BUILD up and FIGHT for our state and our country. I choose to FIGHT for it!

Apparently the best way to FIGHT for our country is to back down and quit. In Palin's case, I'll agree that being a quitter probably is what's best for our country, or at least Alaska.

Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're naive if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN. And I'm doing that - keeping my eye on the ball that represents sound priorities - smaller government, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it's time to pass the ball - for victory.

Ummmmm... ooooo K

This decision comes after much consideration, and prayer and finally polling the most important people in my life - my children (where the count was unanimous... well, in response to asking: "Want me to make a positive difference and fight for ALL our children's future from OUTSIDE the Governor's office?" It was four "yes's" and one "hell yeah!" The "hell yeah" sealed it - and someday I'll talk about the details of that...

Fight for all our children outside the governor's office? Really Sarah, who says that shit? That's one of the most idiotic statements I've heard in a long time. How are you going to do that Sarah, how? Does anybody actually believe that this statement is anything more than a poorly thought out attempt at sounding like you have something useful to do? This is something a third grader says when you ask her how she would created a better world.

Next she talks about her child Trig mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults. I have no idea what she's actually talking about so I'm going to have to look that one up in a bit but I must say this. If you name your child Trig then you should have seen that shit coming.

She goes on and says
By the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could learn so much from someone like Trig - I know he needs me, but I need him even more... what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT - that time is precious... the world needs more "Trigs", not fewer.

I'm sure he does need you, you're his mother. My question is why exactly does the world need more "Trigs"? I'm pretty sure the world has plenty of children who are every bit as special are your oddly named offspring are.

My decision was also fortified during this most recent trip to Kosovo and Landstuhl, to visit our wounded soldiers overseas, those who sacrifice themselves in war for OUR freedom and security... we can ALL learn from our selfless Troops...

I won't argue with that. Then she follows up with another brilliant statement.

They're bold, they don't give up, they take a stand and know that LIFE is short so they choose to NOT waste time.

Ok, yeah, probably but that's a pretty stock statement and really makes little sense, it mostly just fit in with her partially incoherent rambling.

It hurts to make this choice but I am doing what's best for Alaska. I've explained why... though I think of the saying on my parents' refrigerator that says "Don't explain: your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway."

Alrighty then...

But I have given my reasons... no more "politics as usual" and I am taking my fight for what's right - for Alaska - in a new direction.

She said that two or three times... which direction would that be again... oh yes, the quitter direction.

She went back to the basketball analogy again with an
acknowledge when conditions have drastically changed and are willing to call an audible and pass the ball when it's time so the team can win! And that is what I'm doing!
She quoted General MacArthur, she said a lot of things and she answered no questions as to what the hell she was actually doing. Something strange is going on and Mrs. Palin is desperately trying to avoid telling us what that is by incoherently rambling and talking in circles. Time will tell. If there's one prediction the media is making that I sincerely hope comes true it's that this will destroy any chance she might have had for a presidential run in 2012.

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