Monday, October 19, 2009

The Prophet Hates Beyonce

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – R&B star (R&B stands for really bad music for those of you who've always wondered) Beyonce Knowles has postponed a planned concert. The event's organizer said Monday, following accusations by Islamic conservatives that Beyonce is immoral and likely to shake her ass and show cleavage. It is a well known fact that Muslim men cannot control their bodily functions and will ejaculate on themselves in rapid succession until they go into a coma if exposed to shaking ass or cleavage.

Knowles, who the article said is "known for her provocative clothes," had been scheduled to perform at a Kuala Lumpur stadium Oct. 25. I think that's racist, they're simply picking her out and calling her clothes provocative because she's black. Somebody contact Jesse Jackson please, a.s.a.p. The show "has been postponed to a future date to be announced shortly," Malaysian entertainment company Marctensia said in a statement.

"The postponement is solely (the) decision of the artist and has nothing to do with other external reasons," the statement said. This blogger thinks that the decision made by the artist probably has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that if she doesn't wear the Islamic holy bed sheet and Islamic holy clan hood to cover her lady parts she would likely be bum rushed, raped, and stabbed to death with random household objects in the middle of the concert amid chants of "Allah Hu Akbar". Failure to comply with Islam always brings peaceful responses like that.

The country's largest opposition group, The Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party, which has called for the show to be scrapped, said it would promote "Western sexy performances." Some entertainment industry officials say the strict regulations and frequent controversies have discouraged many international artists from visiting Malaysia.

When asked for a comment, the Prophet simply said "Allah Hu nibbiiit! Dirka eeerrrrrr" puked on himself and then lost consciousness.

The Prophet Muhammad In An Undated Photograph

Evil Western sexy performances! Western sexy performance is the devil! Women are evil and are sent to earth to taunt pious Muslim men with boobies and cause them to stray from the goats that they love. I say stay strong Muslim men, don't start bathing and trimming those filthy fucking grizzly-ass shrubberies that grow from your face! Don't stop wiping your ass with your hand! Do not stop having sexual relations with whichever goat strikes your fancy this day! You are right, women are demons, they are gin and when they show skin they are taunting you and you specifically. Don't let evil western sexy booby showing pop stars into your country to shake their bottoms, it will destroy all of the values that make up the framework of your poverty stricken, stone-aged... medieval at best, societies. You have worked hard at staying as fucked up and backward as possible, you have resisted in the name of Islam, all other movement forward into the future and usefulness on the world stage. You just keep on keepin' on Islam!

I would personally keep Beyonce out of my country (if I had one), not because of her immorality but because I liken listening to her music to being eaten alive by 26 ants.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ergh fuck overreligious people. I'm a muslim and they are making me hate my religion so much! I'm from malaysia too. Seriously I am so embarrassed to be a malaysian right now. FUCK MALAYSIA. FUCK ISLAM I'm gonna migrate when I get older. ugh